Young Writers Society

They spilled the stars of the milky way,
Staining night's black cloth;
Who would've thought that such a substance
Was such a brilliant broth?

So suns were sliced to nebulae,
And comets added flavor.
Mouths watering, the gods so surely
Knew they'd made something to savor.

The planets stirred, the earth grown ripe,
No longer mindless goop,
Who would've ever thought to make
This atmospheric soup?

Hey, shiney1 here

I really like this poem! If this is you when you are not serious, in my opinion, you should be less serious more often! This is wonderful, original and creative. The poem's flow is adequate, and the imagery is very satisfying.

They spilled the stars of the milky way,
Staining night's black cloth;
Who would've thought that such a substance
Was such a brilliant broth? Great attention grabber there.

So suns were sliced to nebulae,
And comets added flavor.
Mouths watering, the gods so surely
Knew they'd made something to savor. I never would have thought of something like that.

The planets stirred, the earth grown ripe,
No longer mindless goop,
Who would've ever thought to make
This atmospheric soup? Good question, and great ending.

I have no real critique for this honestly, but maybe you could make it one stanza longer or something? To me it felt a tad short. But that is all from me, really. Nice poem!

I'm not sure which I enjoyed more: The intelligence of the poem...Or the unusual subject matter, this was a very entertaining read! Thank you for daring to go somewhere new

That completely knocked my socks off! You held my attention the entire time, it was intelligent and lighthearted, and the images it throws at you work all of the senses! Congrats on writing a truly incredible poem!

Hi Story!

Yup, this sounds like an astronomical delicacy. It's neat and well structured with a good play on words and oh so delicious!

I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. *burps*
Great job and keep the ink flowing and the broth boiling!

Murtuza

Creative!! Nice flow and rhythm, unique subject, and witty take. Great job. Not much else to say! I love it

~Jess

Really clever of you to use soup as a metaphor to describe the universe in Space. It's poetically fancy and quirky at the same time but yet it flows so smoothly! That's the best part. It's really flawless and wonderful. Thank you for contributing such a lovely poem! Keep writing!

I like this, really, but I feel that the rhyming ruined it. As soon as I got to the last line of the first stanza, I stopped taking this poem as seriously. But that could just be me, other people may enjoy the use of rhyme. Sorry for such a short review, but that was really my only gripe with this.

I simply adore this poem. I'm not usually a fan of rhyming, but I think it attributed to the dream-like and light-hearted tone. It's a relief to read less serious and depressing poetry sometimes. Bravo!

Wow! This was really awesome, really clever and it got you thinking. It seemed quite philosophical to me! And the title and beginning lines really grabbed you. Fantastic!
I think this poem could possibly have been longer, and while the rhyming didn't detract from the poem, it wasn't wholly necessary, either.

They spilled the stars of the milky way,
Staining night's black cloth;
Who would've thought that such a substance
Was such a brilliant broth?

Love the imagery here, especially in this first two lines

Mouths watering, the gods so surely
Knew they'd made something to savor.

While I love the ideas in these lines, there was something a little...awkward in this last line? Maybe too many syllables for it to flow properly? Don't know, maybe it's just me.

The planets stirred, the earth grown grew?ripe,
No longer mindless goop,
Who would've ever thought to make
This atmospheric soup?

Last two lines were a wonderful ending. Anyway, hope this review was helpful, didn't mean to sound too harsh! I really enjoyed the poem, well done!

This was great.
Intelligently written and flowed amazingly for the most part.
I'm sad it wasn't just a little longer, but I guess the conciseness of it all is part of the beauty.
Awesome!

Hey there!
Wow--what a poem...hold on, give me a minute to pull my mouth off the floor--Your writing was just that good.
OKay--okay--enough with the compliments--let me get to the poem itself!

StoryWeaver13 wrote:They spilled the stars of the milky way, (I think this line made me love your poem)
Staining night's black cloth; (see, very few people compare cloth with the night--I'm glad you did)
Who would've thought that such a substance
Was such a brilliant broth?

So suns were sliced to nebulae,
And comets added flavor. ( )
Mouths watering, the gods so surely
Knew they'd made something to savor. I love that you brought the gods into this poem. I spent about a paragraph of my college essay describing the gods and its nice to know im not the only one who does so.

The planets stirred, the earth grown ripe,
No longer mindless goop, (heeh goop)
Who would've ever thought to make
This atmospheric soup?

(And I love when people end things--anythingr really--in a question)

All in all--I love this piece! As you can see, based on all of my positive comments, so--great writing!

Keep writing!
~SnowBerry

I absolutely loved this poem. I felt as if I was reading a very-advanced Dr. Seuss book with all of your little clever rhymes. It just made me smile all through the entire poem---definitely held my attention. Great job.