Young Writers Society

A Merry Christmas

Snow begins to enfold us
As it drifts from the sky,
Cloaking the browned grass.

We sit on the porch,
Sipping the thick,
Steaming cocoa,
Laughter filling the
Frosty air.

Our free, ice cold hands
Intertwine as we watch
The Christmas lights
Glisten on the white
Blanket of snow.

"Merry Christmas,"
He says, smiling,
And I can't help
But smile back.

D'awww... Hi there Forestqueen808!

I've missed you. xD But getting into reviewing, I like this. It was somehow cute, and sweet. Though, I have serious dislikes against the end of the second stanza. It doesn't seem to flow or match with the rest of the poem... it must feel left out. Lol, if I were you, I'd find a way to re-write that part. Although the end is lovely, and the poem itself is good.

Keep writing!

~Solly<3

I really don't like how the second stanza is formatted either, but I like most of the poem.

We sit on the porch,
Sipping the thick,
Steaming cocoa,
Laughter filling the
Frosty air.

Here, between the second and third verses, you have one phrase separated into two. There is an interruption of flow between "thick" and "steaming cocoa". Additionally, when you read this stanza as a sentence; it doesn't really make sense. "We sit on the porch, sipping the thick, steaming cocoa, laughter filling the frosty air." I think it's because you have two phrases behind one sentence.

You have pretty imagery, and I can feel the chilly air as you tell the story. Like GeeLyria, I really like the last stanza too. It's just so cute! I think you just need to toy with the formatting a bit and perhaps rewrite/edit the second stanza. I've heard that you're supposed to format poems as if they were sentences in a paragraph punctuation and capitalization wise, but I'm not sure how true that is. Good luck on the contest!

-Cressy

Hi!

I like how it paints a beautiful scene in my head and gives me a warm, happy feeling.
But you might wanna use some of the imagery to reflect how you are feeling.
Also, you can carry on to develop a short storyline since this is narrative poetry.