Young Writers Society

Wow... This is good. I like the semi-twist you put in there at the end... It really kept me reading. I like it

Your title caught my eye and i just kept reading. I loved the conversation dialogue.
Great poem.
Keep at it.

i love this it's so deep
i love the fact that the poem is written in a convosation

“It’s cracking love, just like my heart.”

I think this line has so much depth to it i really find it very effective.

I also like the last line of the poem, it finally gives the meaning of the poem away and i like the fact that the whole poem leads up to this point and no-one quite knows what it's on about. I think a good way to improve this poem would be to give the poem a more obscure title to keep the suspense

i really like it though it gives the meaning across well :L

I liked it a lot because the way you wrote it could really touch a person's heart, well for me it did. And i do agree with what one user said that the title was very eye catching hope to be able to read more poems from you.

Story!

This piece is one of the best I've read today! I simply love this. It's brilliant and heart-touching. I'm so inspired by this and the imagery is just brilliant. The dialogue is awesome and the narration has been well portrayed.

You've got great talent! Keep this up and you'll be a poetic phenomenon. You've just got a fan

Murtuza

wow. this was quite well done. by acknowledging the societal norm of men being soldiers as a bias that most people have, you managed to deliver an eye opening message to the reader. anyone who had that bias, which was almost all of us, were shown quite clearly how it takes effect. most of the time, we experience a peice in media like television, books, or video games, with a set of biases we've recieved from society, but never know what they are. this poem demonstrates clearly for the reader that the bias is there, without scolding the reader for having it, or attempting to be propaganda towards one side or the other. it simply lets the reader take a look at themselves from the outside looking in, like a mirror for your mind. this is how literature should be written.
your friend,
---Psudiname

Fantastic!

I love the creative style and your decision to write it in a dialogue. It keeps the poem moving effectively and adds a different, more personal dimension.

The mood and voice of the poem is expressed really well, especially through your word choice.

I like that you put the woman as the soldier, a very underappreciated topic.

Do keep it up.