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Young Writers Society


A Hare's Tale



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Tue Nov 08, 2011 2:33 pm
murtuza says...



I had a lot of fun writing this piece! There was so much I thought I could have made out of it, but this particular plot seemed just fine. And credit to Rosey Unicorn, who, if she still remembers, gave me the idea of writing a poem on bunnies while on chat. So thank you Rosey!

A busy day, in the rabbit hole-
where Pedro was bustling about.
Flour and milk into a big bowl,
making carrot cake, no doubt!

Pedro conceived an excellent mess!
The pantry, now cloaked in flour.
Whiskers flaunting their shiny best,
and fluffy tail caught in a jar.

Pedro, alert, was pulling quick;
the tail was caught on tight.
A final yank did do the trick!
The jar then flew to the right.

A ghastly expression overtook Pedro
as the main ingredient was knocked.
carrots and shards all over the floor,
the recipe had suddenly flopped.

For spoiled carrots will never suffice.
The perfectionist demanded the best!
The alternative, though not quite as nice,
was broccoli seasoned with 'cress.

Poor Pedro, was stuck in a soup.
He'd rather have fancied a cake.
Long furry ears, now in a droop,
were yearning for a tasty bake.

Years ago, on this very day,
his mama baked him this:
A birthday cake, atop which lay,
pieces of carroty bliss.

Frowning his luck, Pedro hopped to bed,
with eyes, trailed by sorrow's bead.
This bunny's heart, was torn by dread.
It was all quite grim, or so it seemed.

A sudden ring from the door-bell,
awakened his sorrowful slumber.
A surprise visit, he could tell,
since it was his dearest mother.

A kiss and a hug, big and tight
greeted his overjoyed state.
With gleaming eyes, shiny and bright
a smile on him, it did create.

Happiness and joy took sudden flight
as she slowly unraveled from her basket,
that wonderful, juicy, carroty delight.
The best Birthday ever, no doubt about it!

For mother's love is an ever-lasting treat
that no silly tail can dare knock over.
And despite the bitter hardships life may meet,
Her cake will forever taste sweeter.
Last edited by murtuza on Fri Dec 02, 2011 9:45 pm, edited 5 times in total.
It's not about the weight of what's spoken.
It's about being heard.
  





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Tue Nov 08, 2011 3:50 pm
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GeeLyria says...



Haii MrTaza!<3 xD

You had fun writing it, but I had more fun reading it! At first I was like, "A poem about rabbits?" o.O But then I kept on reading and... kudos, boy! You managed to take a childish topic and transform it into pure epicness and beauty! I can't help imagining a bunch of kids reciting this poem in a class room. (: And the end is brilliant enough to make the reader want to re-read it.

Great job! ^_^

~Solly<333
Noob is a state of being, not a length of time. ~Ego

"Serás del tamaño de tus pensamientos; no te permitas fracasar."
  





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Tue Nov 08, 2011 5:11 pm
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TylynRae says...



This is absolutely adorable! Haha, I really enjoyed this =] You should definitely send this in to a publishing company or Something. This would make an excellent children's book =] I don't have anything negative to say about this. It really made me laugh =] I may even read it to my brother tonight for bed. Great job =]
TylynTyrannosaurus<3 (tydecker777)
  





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Wed Nov 09, 2011 5:46 am
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Snoink says...



Oh. My. Goodness. This is quite possibly the cutest thing I have ever read. I mean, I love carrot cake to the point where my nickname is Carrot Cake. So, already I am biased towards this. But, then you have the cute story and everything. It's just too much! :)

Just a couple comments...

The jar then flailed to the right. <-- The word "flailed" is not quite right here. Maybe something else?

carrots and shards all over the floor, <-- unless "shards" refers to broken glass or porcelin, I don't think this is the word you're going for. If you're talking about carrot bits, say "shreds."

with eyes, trailed by sorrow's bead. <-- I don't understand what you are trying to say here, with bead. It doesn't quite make sense!

Anyway! I should stop commenting, because the more I read the poem, the hungrier for carrot I get. Still, I really enjoyed your poem. It's adorable!
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
  





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Wed Nov 09, 2011 6:57 am
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Lava says...



Story of my life. Trufax. :P
(<Points to bunny)
~
Pretending in words was too tentative, too vulnerable, too embarrassing to let anyone know.
- Ian McEwan in Atonement

sachi: influencing others since GOD KNOWS WHEN.

  





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Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:52 am
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liquiddeath says...



Omg! That is an amazing piece. I felt like i was having fun just reading it! Truly a great piece of work. I really enjoyed reading that. Loved the moral of the piece.
There is no good and evil, there's just perspective
  





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Thu Nov 10, 2011 12:07 pm
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Alpha says...



o.o
Okay, the comments above all agree with me, this piece is ah-mazing! It certainly deserves to be featured and I think I've already told you that.
Nice job! Keep on writing poetry :D
Cheers,
Alpha
  





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Sat Nov 12, 2011 4:47 am
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TinyDancer says...



Super cute poem :) it makes me think of a certain bedtime story that my mother used to read me when I was little. Don't ask me why, it just has that sort of feel I guess. Anyway, it was a fun, cute little piece of poetry, and it brought a smile to my face. You have talent here :)

~Jess
`•.¸¸.•´´¯`••._.•`•.¸¸.•´´¯`••._.•

“The circus arrives without warning.
No announcements precede it.
It is simply there,
When yesterday it was not.”

`•.¸¸.•´´¯`••._.•`•.¸¸.•´´¯`••._.•
  





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Tue Nov 29, 2011 7:32 pm
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anna91423 says...



Loved it! This was so funny and the ending was just adorable :) Amazing!
"Books are the ultimate dumpees: put them down and they'll wait for you forever; pay attention to them and they will always love you back." John Green

"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite." Stephen Chbosky
  





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Sun Dec 04, 2011 3:08 pm
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ladymarmalade says...



This was so amazing! I had alot of fun reading it and I'm glad you came up with the idea to do it! It just blends together so perfectly the way a bunny is and childish symbol and having your mother there is always an important part of childhood. Your use of descriptive adjectives was incredible. It was so sweet and made my day. :D
  








I will not condemn you for what you did yesterday, if you do it right today.
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