Young Writers Society

There you are again.
I don't really know who you are.
But I think I know one thing.

When I was little I sat on the swings.
I watched the other kids.
They were very happy.

I tried to take their hands.
To run and be happy too.
But I learned.

I should be happy in the backseat.

And I am.
I've learned to tell myself no.
To push away what I really wanted.

To be happy with what I have.
And not to think too much about what the people in front have;
What I could have.
But can't.

Time flies.
People fade.
I watch my body slip away.

But come back to life again.

For once I take the front seat.
I shift gears and I'm the one driving.
But y'know what's funny?

I don't know how.

So somehow I end up in the back again.
But I think...
I think, that I want you.

I can't have you.
I tell myself no.
It's breaking all the rules people told me to play by.

You'd be my rule breaker.

I think of it now.
Up at night, daring to share.
Holding hands and walking on air.

I haven't done that in a while.
Come to think of it, I never have.
I think it's time.
I think it's fair.

You'd be my rule breaker.
My dare to care.

This is actually quite good! I loved it from start to finish, but there are some things I would change.

They were very happy.

You should take away the 'very'. It makes the sentence feel sloppy somehow, and you don't need it. As soon as I got to the point were you said 'I should be happy in the backseat', I was completely drawn in, because it's such an intriguing prospect. The continued metaphor of the driving theme, and him not being able to drive are great ideas. You broke up quite a lot of the lines here too, which can sometimes make a poem jumpy to read, but here it gives the lines a dramatic effect.

You'd be my rule breaker.
My dare to care.

I love how you call this person 'my rule breaker', but I don't like the last line. The poem would almost be better off having just 'You'd be my rule breaker.' as the last line. Anyway, apart from those things, it was very good! I especially like the title, it's what drew me in in the first place.
-Anna

This is really good! I love the title. Also, it is very thought-provoking. However, the main idea is a little unclear and there is a repetitive use of adjectives such as "happy". Maybe think about changing that around. i always find that thesauruses really help me to replace simple words with more descriptive ones. Good luck! Keep up the great work.

I liked the title and the poem. Its well written. Yet, I think you should have a little bit more use of vocabulary. (I can barely use correct grammar so I don't think I'll be of any help there.) Its very thought provoking and I can sense some depth to the poem. I think the transition from a poem about life to a love poem was alright. Overall, it was nice. In the future, perhaps a little more detail and vivid descriptions would improve your poems. Nice job.