Young Writers Society

Wars of Night

In this piece of furniture
Each night we fight a war.
You against your demons,
I against the murder of faith
Silk sheets are worms around your body –
You twist and turn
Whining in the dark,
I try to wash that grin away-
But they paint a new one on your pretty face.
With paint made of memories you’d rather forget,
With paint made of emotions you’d rather reject,
Black, cold paint.
Embedded in these sheets,
Guilt, memories, blood and tears
I embrace a shaking body, hulking, trembling-
Screaming out the pain and loss
And every night I am made believe-
You won’t make it through.
But as soon as the moon
Is hunted down and killed
Peace will roam in this piece of furniture.

I absolutely admire this poem. It's lovely and challenging to the reader. I couldn't find any error that needed to be corrected from where I stand. I could already picture this poem being a hit if it was published. Therefore, theres nothing more to say but, great poem.

Hello there!

First off, I really like this poem. Bad dreams are something that I have a huge issue with, so I could totally identify with you when I read this poem.

In this piece of furniture
Each night we fight a war.
You against your demons,
I against the murder of faith
Silk sheets are worms around your body –
You twist and turn
Whining in the dark,
I try to wash that grin away-

My favorite part of this part of the poem was the fifth line. It said a lot without saying much. However, I'm not incredibly crazy about the first line. It felt slightly flat to me compared to the awesomeness of the rest of the poem.

Awesome work! Always keep writing!!

-Rose

Hi there,
Firstly, I love this. I love how it's about what it's about without outright saying it- that is, it's not just 'bad dreams suck', it goes into the depth, the emotions and physical consequences of them, and the feeling behind the lyircs is so real (if that makes sense).
I don't really have anything wrong with it, except for:

With paint made of memories you’d rather forget,
With paint made of emotions you’d rather reject,
With paint made of the face of a little girl.

I love the first two, but the third one ruins it. The rhythm is wrong.

Aside from that, very nice work. I love the last three lines.