Young Writers Society

I like the idea of this poem, but not the exectution. The repitiotion did not work for you in this instance. You have such beautiful imagry going on, though.

Hey, shiney1 here

Well, for starters, I like the royal and regal voice in this poem. It does indeed sound like the voice a majestic dragon. Plus, you did very well where rhyming is concerned!

But there are problems with this poem.

1. The font is way too big and bold, which is very distracting to the reader. Try to keep the font normal.

2. It would probably improve your poem if you put spaces, creating stanzas. I will try to show you in a minute.

3. It lacks some punctuation, which damages the flow of the poem.

I am a Dragon in my way
For I bear the Dragon’s Heart,
A truth I will never let to part. Sounds better without the "to."


I am a Dragon in my way
For I bear the Dragon’s Fire;
My element is the Flame which will never allow me to forgive my sire. This line is a bit too long to be in a poem like this

I am a Dragon in my way
For I bear the Dragon’s Piercing Gaze;
My eyes are both kind and devoid as the day.

I am a Dragon in my way
For I bear the Dragon’s Strength of Mind,
As it will never cease to lie.

I am a Dragon in my way
For I bear the Dragon’s Sharp Talons,
Of which I’ll use to protect my charge.

I am a Dragon in my way
For I bear the Dragon’s Long Wings of Grey,
Which allow me to fly the summer’s clear day. Proper grammar.

That is what I see here.
But try working on this one, it has great potential.

Thanks for the corrections! *S* Because poetry is really not my thing, I just wanted to make the requirements before I turned it in, which was to create a comparison poem about you and a creature. I got bored so its not good because of a certain reason.

Hey there.

As shiney already mentioned, the bold and large size of the font make this not very nice-looking, and it's distracting to your readers. How a poem appears is a fairly important element of how it is received, so making your poem as pretty as possible is usually a good idea. Right now, I wouldn't call this pretty so much as "Wow. Bold."

Now, the rhyme scheme in this was inconsistent, and while you may have gotten bored with it, that's no reason to slack. ;P Poetry takes a bit of getting used to, but it can be quite fun to write once you do. In any case, if you had no intention to rhyme the entire piece, why not not rhyme at all? Poems don't have to rhyme, but when they do, they need to be consistent.

Basically, if you're going to rhyme, rhyme the entire piece. Otherwise, don't rhyme at all.