Young Writers Society

- At 8 years old she'd scream Mom, I love you
- At 12 years old she'd say Mom I don't know what to do, please help me
- At 16 years old she'd say I can't wait to get out of here
- At 18 years old she'd say this is why I left here in the first place
- At 25 years old she'd say I've grown up since then
- At 40 years old she'd say I miss you mom
- At 80 years old she told her grandchildren how much she wishes her mom was here

I love this. You go so simply and so well through life's phases, and I think for most people this is true to how they feel or felt. (For me the difference is that I'm only 20 and I already miss my mommy. Living away from home for the first time...) I think you captured the feelings very well - the only thing is, I think you could do away with the hyphens at the beginning of each line. Also, after each "say" I would put a comma before the dialogue. Since it's a poem you don't have to put the dialogue in quotes, but I'd still put the comma there to separate the dialogue from its tag.

~Blue

This read more like a list than a poem, and to be honest, I'm struggling to find anything about it that could be considered poetic or even story-like. All I can see are one-line snapshots of a woman's life, and while snapshots can be used to build up a very compelling story, there isn't really any buildup to be seen.

As BlueAfrica already mentioned, the hyphens at the start of ever line could be done away with. How a poem looks affects how it is received, and right now, the hyphens are visually distracting; they make the piece look ugly, to be completely honest. Another thing you might consider doing is changing the numbers into their written forms. Typically in writing, numbers less than 100 are written out because it looks better.

Another thing you should consider is expanding on this piece. Right now, its very bare and lacking buildup. If, perhaps, you were to spend a stanza describing each period in this woman's life, and perhaps the transition from one to the next, it would make the story this poem is trying to tell more meaningful and substantial.

Right now, all I know of this woman is that she eventually comes to miss her mother. There is nothing to make her stand out as a unique individual, or anything to allow us readers to relate to her as a person. If you could incorporate more description into this piece, let us readers learn more about the woman and relate to her, then this poem would become more than just a list of events, but a piece that will linger in your readers' minds for a long while after.