Young Writers Society

There’s a melancholy inside,
Leaving somber thoughts behind.
It was never meant to feel this way,
Never was it meant to kill this way.

The fire inside my heart made me insane.
I was blind, so I have only myself to blame.
Every tear has a poignant story to narrate.
Each of them has yet another smile to fake.

I belonged to you; I had faith in you,
Never imagined you’d make me cry, too.
So, I’d rather lie here and cry for you,
Because it’s going to be tougher to forget you.

I liked this poem! It was very well written, but the last stanza feels off to me. I would try to use the word you a little less, but it's still fine the way it is. In the first stanza, I would change Never was it meant to kill this way, to: It was never meant to kill this way. I like it both ways, but repetition can help to drive in your point! Great poem and keep writing!

I like the imagery and emotions packed into this short little poem. The rhythm was just a tad choppy, so that's something you could work on, but nothing too bad.

There’s a melancholy inside, [This doesn't really make much sense. You can be melancholy, but you can't have a melancholy. Maybe you should change the way it is worded a little]
Leaving somber thoughts behind.
It was never meant to feel this way,
Never was it meant to kill this way.

The fire inside my heart made me insane.
I was blind, so I have only myself to blame.
Every tear has a poignant story to narrate.
Each of them has yet another smile to fake. [I found this stanza to be a little choppy and not flowing very well. While rhyming poems are nice, don't let trying to make it rhyme compromise the quality of the poem. Unless you can get it to still flow smoothly, rhyming poems often sound forced, because the lines are created around a word.]

I belonged to you; I had faith in you,
Never imagined you’d make me cry, too.
So, I’d rather lie here and cry for you,
Because it’s going to be tougher to forget you. [I think you could stand the work on the ending a little. Try to make it not quite so blunt or abrupt. It's not to bad, though.]

So, good job on your poem, I enjoyed this and think it was well done. Keep writing!
~Tayla

Hi there, Anwesha.

Well, I will say that the rhyming in this poem did not sit quite so well with me. Which is a shame. Rhyming poetry can tend to be quite witty and sweet when executed just right. Here however, I think you may have been struggling a bit with the rhyming. One thing to always remember is that poetry doesn't have to rhyme for it to be good. Though in many cases, people simply like their poetry to rhyme anyway. They enjoy the effect it gives off. This is okay. There are, however a few key things to remember when putting your poetry to rhyme.

For one, many people choose to use 'end rhymes' in their poetry, as it tends to stand out most predominately. This creates a rhyme scheme for you. You could have gone with the traditional abab pattern, but I noticed you attempted to rhyme each ending word on the same sort of note. Not all words were precisely fit to rhyme however. And in the very first stanza, you chose a sort of aabb pattern, whereas the rest of your poem went into a strict same-ending word rhyme. There was little continuity flowing here, and I think that in particular this is what I found most disruptive.

Apart from the whole off-structuring of your poem though, onto the content. Now, the only thing I really didn't like was the fact that you've created such a vaguely painted picture. I feel like this is something I've already read before. Perhaps one too many times. The thing in which it was lacking in order for me to toss aside this feeling was the originality in which you decided to angle this in. The unique direction in which you decided to take the issue was left to dangle. I felt no spark. :[ Was a shame that I couldn't either. I think one major thing to look at when thinking about editing it up a bit is the angle in which you choose to write it in. Where is the emotion stemming from really? Is it even here at all? How can you make it present and stand out to your readers in the most effective way? Some food for thought.

Now, if I could speak in general, I'd say touch up your rhyming. there are words in here that just don't go together at all. And if you're having trouble setting the rhyme in place, I say chuck it out altogether. It doesn't need to be a part of your poem if it's setting you back from expressing things in the way in which you wish to express them. If you find yourself molding the words and your lines in order to fit the rhyme, you're poem is going to suffer in the end. And that you don't want. Put the message of the poem first. If rhyming comes by coincidence or natural habit, then let it rhyme. Just don't force anything.

Secondly, fix up the structure! You don't want a choppy structure, because it'll seem flimsy while being read. You want the poem to seem structurally sound as well as smooth. And along with mending up the structure, inject some more personality, some more emotion into the message being spread in your words. Everything was rather vague until the last stanza.

That's about all I really have to say though. I hope my review helps some! Let me know if you have any questions or concerns.

-Smylin'

Hai there
I did enjoy this, and I can really relate to it, which is always a great compliment for any literary work. There are a few mistakes though, that threw me off a bit.

There’s a melancholy inside,
Leaving somber thoughts behind.
It was never meant to feel this way,
Never was it meant to kill this way.you used the word way twice as a rhyme, and for me that's a big no-no. Never use the same word when trying to rhyme, it makes you seem out of ideas.

The fire inside my heart made me insane.
I was blind, so I have only myself to blame.
Every tear has a poignant story to narrate.
Each of them has yet another smile to fake. Like TaylaChase pointed out, this stanza seemed a bit choppy and off flow for me, try not to let the rhymes of the poem affect the quality.

I belonged to you; I had faith in you,
Never imagined you’d make me cry, too.
So, I’d rather lie here and cry for you,
Because it’s going to be tougher to forget you.Again, this could be improved if you go back and edit. It seems very blunt and not well thought out, like you were trying to hard insteadof letting it just come to you.

But like i said, the idea was very good and I liked this. Keep writing

Aw! I love this poem. I think my favorite line was the last.

So, I’d rather lie here and cry for you,
Because it’s going to be tougher to forget you.

I agree (a little) with some of the earlier comments that it was a little choppy. It seemed forced at times, but I think that was because it rhymed, which is hard. Otherwise, I really liked it!

I think poem is great. You stay on one topic and it was depressing but you can see some what a different emotion. Now your word choice can be better as well as the format. I think its too short in my opinion, but even your flow between the verses arent completely right either, so saying to make it longer will probably only make it worse....

Please take no offense! I dont mean to be mean I am just critical when I review things, Im really sorry please.

~~Randi (Alabaster)

I really loved this great job! And is that profile pic you? Your really pretty! Keep it up! And dont remember-
Keep writting!

well, i liked thed the poem as it was very expressive. And, also I could see the sadness that has been expressed through the poem. But, you could have made the poem better by choosing better words and also by making it less-choppy. anyways Great Poem!!