Young Writers Society

I feel everything and nothing all at once.
I feel the world reverse backwards, time stop, and I fear I might be forgotten.
I feel lost.
I am the only girl on the planet.
For a girls who’s always running, for you I stayed.
For a girl with no heart, for you it grew.
For a girl with lack of confidence, because of you it sprouted.

I’m sitting in a room full of faces.
One staring at the computer, one flipping through pages.
Marking interviews, setting deadlines.
They look right at me, looking right through me.
The room is quiet and focused.
Too quiet.
Cant they hear me screaming?
My insides ripping apart from my shaking bones?
I’m frozen in fear, sitting here waiting to thaw.
My heart pumping so loud, so fast that my hands shake.
I don’t know what to do, or how to do it.
All I know is my world is crashing, and everything around me is coming down with it.

I’ve been holding back tears for two hours now. The rims of my eyes are on the verge of spilling over.
This happened.
But I’d do anything to take back the kisses, the love.
I gave you everything.
Without you I couldn’t breathe.It's not easy to stop breathing.

It’s not easy to leave you.
But I’d rather be left breathless than broken.

Here are two things I know:
You said you loved me.
I did love you.

This is a very interesting poem. You really use some fantastic imagery, but the poem seems like it's mostly fragments of feelings. You really used the feelings of the poem well and you put to use some very choice words.

A few things to work on...
The asterisks are unnecessary. They just break up the way a poem should really flow. A stanza already is available to seperate ideas, so don't worry about doing extra work to do this. Nice thing about free verse [which is what we have here] is that you don't have to bother keeping a regulated sequence. DON'T OVERDO SEPERATION!
Next, the last stanza. You do not need to have the 1. and 2. for your list. You already stated that there were two things that you knew. This also, again, breaks up the flow of the poem. By putting numbers in the way you did it feels like the poem goes solely to brain words instead of heart words. This is a poem about a girl whose heart has just been broken. Obviously heart words. Take the numbers out so that you can add a little more emphasis on the last two lines.
Maybe consider centering? I never really know when to do this until I just look at it both ways.
Work to eliminate any extra things that break up the poem.

Aside the forementioned, I really think you have a good idea to run with. Just a little fine-tuning will make this into a very well-written piece.

Alright well, for me being a story writer. I think this was easy to follow, they all blended in together to make a good story. But what I think you need to do is work a little bit on picking your words. I know I might sound really critical but, to me the words were plain and dull. Thats only because I write in a weird way, so please take no offense.

Anyways, there is at the bottom of the poem were you forgot to put a space inbetween two words. I'd go and fix that real quick. Other then that I really didnt see any mistakes, yes you could of changed the spacing and wording a bit to make it more intresting. But really, thats all that I saw. It was indeed an intresting poem to read, also maybe you could of help set the mood better.

Anyways, great work! Keep writing!
~Randi (A.K.A Alabaster)