Young Writers Society

Watching the ever glow of the
street lights, skies dead dark
but I'm day dreaming on why
I don't sleep right
If sleep is the cousin of death
Then I must be the reason
On why fatigue die's
Cause it looks like
I'm carrying body bags
Under my shallow tipped eyes

At times it releases my creative strengths and other times it's a torment
cause I'm always thinking outside the box
so I can never be cornered.
So as my thoughts take me to a trip
I'm glad that my presence
is stuck in the moment
So when regretful memories come
to mind I don't feel so awkward

At times I think I'm I the only one?
Cause when I reveal myself
It Feels like I'm a Cloud of questions
And everybody's just blunt
But when I'm on the straight and narrow,
Many get parro which I see as disgust
it makes me wonder maybe
I'm the ordinary one and
this world needs to adjust.

I Remember when I use to witness my parents fight in the kitchen,
it made a part of me die
So much so that I wish that I could
watch sounds and hear visions
Cause life in my house looked like
It was all glam,
but tell me how good does it look when you have to see
your mother as a dad?

Thinking of the happier times
Shows me just how funny it seems
Cause the girl of my reality
slowly became the girl of my dreams
When I was smaller, I use to get her
On her sofa and make love to her
While Still imagining I was in a resort
But now I'm less about the sex
And more into her thoughts
Actually I'm still young,
so let me clarify and not get to complex,
I'm Actually more into her thoughts on sex
But When we first did it,
I thought, I was ruined,
She must of been thinking
'What the F*** is this guy doing?
I remember being so nervous
That while we was doing it I was still
flirting

These Memories are so dashing
Still Remember Being in class
pissed off when my crush was absent
My Thoughts are so unstable
But when it comes flushing back
It's funny just how it's all relatable.

this is great. I think it everyone has had something from this poem but mixing them all together gives it a different take, and you feel a lot of sympathy from it.

this is really good. I like the emotion put into this, and the way you explain this all almost as if it is normal and as if there could not possibly be any other memory. As if everyone should be able to relate to the memories you give us here. And you make it all sound simple, yet without making it sound as if you were unaffected. You give your thoughts, your feelings, and it sounds very honest. I agree with smilelikeyoumeanit, this has a different take, and I like it. It does make the reader sympathetic, I can't imagine going through this kind of thing, but you don't make it necessary to imagine. You just tell it how it was.
I did catch a few typos, so you should reread this once more, but otherwise, I just have to say congratulations and I'm sorry you had to go through all of this. Keep writing though, it will help no matter what you're going through.

Hi Abid

I would just like to say you have a really great poem there. It was long, but it was worth taking the time to read through it. Your opening verse was very powerful and I was almost instantly into reading the rest of it.

Your ending verse, in my opinion was your best. I think you had some nice language there, and it is interesting how at the very end we find out why you chose that title.

And your bits in the middle were very good too. I admire you for writing this poem. Great job!

Deanie x