z

Young Writers Society


I Wanted to Change My Name



User avatar
532 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 1271
Reviews: 532
Sun Sep 04, 2011 1:27 am
GeeLyria says...



I think this is the longest poem I've ever written. The idea had been in my mind for a while, but I never wrote it down until now. xD Enjoy it! <33333

She taught me to draw my name when I was three years old.
The first thing I ever wrote was the word I am called.
So I made sure to practice it all over the place;
The walls, tables, floor and doors-
with the crayons she'd always organized in a little box.

Then I grew up a few inches,
and she took me to school.
The teacher said the list of names outloud,
but mine was never mentioned twice.

Later in fifth grade,
my nicknames multiplied.
Why can't you pick your own name? I thought.
That's a very important thing in life.

I wanted to change my name,
And I wanted to cross it out.
"It's strange and rare." They laughed.
It was now blemished with their derides.

I got home frowning and crossing my arms.
"What was she thinking?" I wondered outloud.
She poured me a glass of lemonade and looked down at me,
answering my question evanescently,

"The sun is just one and it shines all the time,
the truth is that you can't hide it behind the clouds.
I wouldn't have called you something that was already made up,
I called you something that would never get lost."

It took all my childhood for me to understand;
the special thing about my name isn't the letters it has.
It's what Mama said that evening; why she chose it for me.
Like sweet lemons, it's a piece of her I'll always keep.
Last edited by GeeLyria on Sat Jan 28, 2012 3:26 am, edited 2 times in total.
Noob is a state of being, not a length of time. ~Ego

"Serás del tamaño de tus pensamientos; no te permitas fracasar."
  





User avatar
53 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2394
Reviews: 53
Sun Sep 04, 2011 2:58 am
View Likes
Ranger51 says...



So pretty! I'm no poet, so I don't really have a review - not that I could come up with one anyways!

You know, I have a really common name... but my mom did the spelling differently. People are always mispell it, but I like the way it's spelled - it makes it MY name.
"We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?"
-Fahrenheit 451
  





User avatar
153 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 3149
Reviews: 153
Sun Sep 04, 2011 5:17 am
View Likes
snickerdooly says...



I really liked this poem, it flowed very nicely and instead of one of those poem where it goes on and on this one was a perfect length. I liked the abstract way of this poem and how you describe the strange meaning of your name. Also curious question, what is your name? (You don't have to answer if you don't want to :))
Thanks for posting I really enjoyed this and liked everything about it!
Peace,
Snickerdooly
"Characters cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." Helen Keller
  





User avatar
204 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 15914
Reviews: 204
Sun Sep 04, 2011 5:33 am
View Likes
crescent says...



The teacher said the list of names outloud,
but mine was never mention twice.

*mentioned
"Said" is in past tense so "mention" should be too.

I got home frowning and crossing my arms .

That's a strange way to phrase it. Maybe "I got home frowning with my arms crossed." would work better.

She pour me a glass of lemonade and looked down at me,
answering my question evanescently,

*poured
She poured you a glass of lemonade in the past. She already did that action. If it's present tense it should be "pours".

I like the concept of the poem, I sometimes wish I had a different name too, one that's easier to spell. I'd like to say something poetically enlightening, but poetry isn't my specialty. Keep on writing! :)
Please take care to use good grammar when making a post!

"grammer" 1519 matches on YWS *twitches*

Rydia is the ruler of the world. :(
  





User avatar
60 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 3581
Reviews: 60
Sun Sep 04, 2011 6:02 am
View Likes
Sannah says...



You have no idea how much this poem means to me... I love the concept and everything. It connects with me so well because I have an odd name, to Americans at least, (I consider Sannah to be my real name because it is who I am) and people make fun of me a lot because of it. They call me things like Santa or Santa Anna. It doesn't bother me now but when I was younger it would sometimes bring me to tears. I've always wanted to change my name to Sannah once and for all.

I like the Mom in your poem that way. She picked an original name for her kid and it meant something to her. She wanted it to last and and be one of a kind, like the sun. I like that.

That does make me wonder though... What is your name? Is it a story or did it actually happen? You don't have to answer this... Just wondering.

Great job! I love it and I hope you write more great pieces!
"Raise your voice every single time they try and shut your mouth." My Chemical Romance
"I will never cease to fly if held down and I will always reach too high." Vanessa Carlton
"And rest assured, cause' dreams don't turn to dust." Owl City
  





User avatar
48 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 560
Reviews: 48
Sun Sep 04, 2011 3:39 pm
View Likes
AngelMarie says...



I love this! It flows really nicely, and it is the perfect length. :) I'm not really a poet or anything so I don't have a review, but this is really good :)

I have to ask, because I'm so curious, what is your name? I think everyone has asked the same question. If this poem is a true story, then I would say your name has to be pretty amazing :) I love unique names :) but you don't have to answer if you don't want to :)

Anyway, this was great! Keep writing, I have to read more of your stuff :)
“Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.”
E. L. Doctorow
  





User avatar
74 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1834
Reviews: 74
Sun Sep 04, 2011 6:35 pm
View Likes
snowberry23 says...



Its funny, during the massive review day we had, I kept talking about word choice and placement, and how it plays such a vital part in poetry, at least I think it does. Then, I saw the title of your poem, became intrigued, and by the second line I knew you understood what I had spent the entire day discussing.

The way you state certain lines, like

She taught me to draw my name
I love how you used the word draw rather than write.

the word I am called.
Same thing here, you say word instead of name.

Then I grew up a few inches
I just love this line!

I guess you can’t call this a review because I have nothing to correct, it’s more of one writer giving praise to another. I love how personal it was, how you never actually said what your name was point blank, and if I were you, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Great job!

Keep writing
~SnowBerry
When nothing goes right, go left
  





User avatar
32 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 568
Reviews: 32
Mon Sep 05, 2011 10:21 am
View Likes
abbie651382 says...



I like it! The poem was so touching! I won't criticize your work anymore since I find it really good! Thumbs up! Keep writing :)
Always wear a smile. You don't know people falling in love on you when you smile.
  





User avatar



Gender: Male
Points: 300
Reviews: 0
Mon Sep 05, 2011 5:24 pm
View Likes
BejnJonathonEdwards says...



I love this poem :) It's so whimsical and humorous.
So I'll write my words on the face of today
and they'll paint it - Shannon Hoon
  





Random avatar


Gender: Female
Points: 907
Reviews: 8
Mon Sep 05, 2011 6:38 pm
View Likes
danielle17 says...



I love this xD!
Danielle
  





User avatar
413 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 11009
Reviews: 413
Wed Sep 07, 2011 1:23 am
View Likes
Cailey says...



I like it so much. I am half asleep, so no real review, sorry. But, I had to say something. I liked it very much!! :D
A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. -Kafka

Look: A Link! https://caijobetweenthepages.wordpress.com/
  





User avatar
2058 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 32885
Reviews: 2058
Wed Sep 07, 2011 1:29 am
View Likes
Emerson says...



This poem has such a good feel to it. I love the way it's casually written. That's something I think many people wonder about, fight with, and come to accept... their name. Certain individuals do end up naming themselves one way or another, but it is such a deep topic.

I certainly could review this poem and complain about this and that but I honestly think it's good the way it is. Light-hearted, casual, and honest. I liked your use of lemons and lemonade. Gotta wonder what the name is though... :)
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
  





User avatar
319 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 9100
Reviews: 319
Wed Sep 07, 2011 10:06 am
View Likes
Jashael says...



I can totally relate to this poem. Funny thing. When I was fifth grade, I changed my nickname from Aboo to Jash. XD Well, I didn't really wanna change my real name, just my nickname. LOL I like this. But I've got a few nitpicks:

The teacher said the list of names outloud,
but mine was never mentioned twice.


I read the line three times before I understood it - I think. What you were trying to say was because you knew your name so well the teacher didn't have to repeat calling your name? Is that it? Was how I understood it correct? Well, then if so, I suggest that you use the conjunction and instead of but. Honestly, there was nothing there to contrast from the previous line. You just had to state it.

Later in fifth grade,
my nicknames multiplied.


So many things happen in fifth grade. :P

I wanted to change my name,
And I wanted to cross it out.


We need consistency here, dear. Are you gonna capitalize every new line? - despite the punctuation in the previous line to it? 'Cause I've noticed that at some parts, you didn't capitalize a letter when it's connected to the previous line.

I got home frowning and crossing my arms.
"What was she thinking?" I wondered outloud


This is such a pretty poem, Sol! (I'm still calling you, Sol. Please? =P) I really liked it and enjoyed reading it. =) KEEP ON WRITING! Hope I've helped a bit. =)

~ Jash
“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen:
not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”


—C.S. LEWIS


My SPOTIFY page
Facebook
Got a life?
  





User avatar
10 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 954
Reviews: 10
Sat Sep 10, 2011 12:20 am
View Likes
Joanne Adylse Lynne says...



I love this! That was what my parents told me about my other name. This one is somewhat funny, somewhat light-hearted, yet so warm.

"The sun is just one and it shines all the time, the truth is that you can't hide it behind the clouds.I wouldn't have called you something that was already made up,I called you something that would never get lost."

I love this segment especially.

By the way, did all of those really took place?
http://silentoddity.blogspot.com

I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition- something I saw on a classmate's T-shirt.
  





Random avatar


Gender: None specified
Points: 955
Reviews: 1
Sun Sep 11, 2011 9:07 pm
View Likes
travlingthejourney says...



I really liked this poem! I don't know if you've read the novel The Namesake but your poem really connects with it!
  








NO U
— Carina