Young Writers Society

Hopes pt one

I thought hope

Was all I had

After the cold eyes

That haunted my dreams

Took all I had left

Those blue eyes

Like frozen water

Boring into my

Dark brown eyes

Like warm chocolate

His cold voice

Played over in my head

As I stood up and

Walked the dead hallways

As my fingers traced

The scar he left behind

As I stared out

The dark broken window

I realized hope

Was not and would not

Be found in my world

Of him, the demon, Shade.

I'm more of a story person and not great at poetry but wanted to say my opinion for review.

I enjoyed this poem. It is to the point and I can visualize it well.

I like the descriptions and imagery of this poem.

I am looking forward to reading your other works you have posted.

I really enjoyed the gentle flow. YOu did well keeping on the main subject and did I mention I love how I can visualize it? I almost want to draw a picture to go with your poem. Great poem!

Haha sure draw if if you want so long as you give me credit for writing the poem haha. I would love to see It ^^

The first line I think had something spelled wrong but, overall it was great. I loved it so much!


~ Pixie2~

Also I loved your name for the poem iot really gave me goosebups, Thats why I wnated to read it!

~Pixie2~

This was okay, but really I think that it needed more. It was just kind of typical. Your main problem is cliche words (yep, believe it or not, even certain words are cliche now). What I mean is words like "blue eyes/frozen water," "brown eyes/melted chocolate," "dead hallways," "scar he left behind," or talking about eye color at all, in general...why does everybody talk about eye color?!
Well, you get my point. I'm not saying this is a bad poem, because it's not, but it's all stuff we've heard a bajillion times. Try to give us something fresh, with its own unique edge.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Thanks for the review but This is just to help with my friend, she asked me to write it and I don't want to change it cuz she loved it and she means a lot to me

i like the poem and i agree with the rating.

Thank you for inspiring me to write again.

I really liked this... Although there were some cliche words like "blue eyes, frozen water, dark brown eyes, and melted chocolate," it is a very well written poem. Most people CAN NOT get away with using no puntuation, but it made the flow of the poem more significant. You did really well on keeping the main subject through the whole thing, which can sometimes be difficult. Also, you used great imagery. I can literally visualize it in my head. Great job! I'm looking forward to reading more from you

-Bagel Baby-