Young Writers Society

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That's pretty wierd. But I enjoyed it. It made me laugh. But I did have to copy and paste it and blow it up to read it. If you want much more crit, you should fix that.

Yay, I walked proudley
down the empty dark alleyway
I didn't come last
I came third...last
But there was something missing
So I bought something for my victory
Sunchips and a one dollar coke
Now feeling whole, I ate the chips
now feeling half, I drank the pop
So now i feel empty

What a wierd day.
tHERE YOU GO...bLOWN UP....

Okay then... Let me go through the poem for you.

Yay, I walked proudley

Horrible beginning, it wasn't strong and proudly was spelled wrong.

down the empty dark alleyway

It sounds better "down the dark, empty alley way. (space between alley way I believe)

I didn't come last
I came third...last

I don't evn know how to fix it...The concept was good, I guess, but you need a different way to say it. Maybe "I didn't come last"
"I came in third... or last."

Now feeling whole, I ate the chips
now feeling half, I drank the pop

Now, (comma) feeling whole, I ate the chips. ( period)
Now, (capital N and a comma) feeling half, I drank the pop. (period)

So now i feel empty

Add a period to the end. The ending was horrible. How unoriginal, boring, and strange. This poem wasn't really a poem, it didn't have a point and was a hopeless rambling. Try again.

i honestly can't figure out why you opened with "yay." it's distracting.
what would be funny is if you capitalized Whole, and left half un-capped.

if you came third, you'd be one third. so buying the stuff was two thirds (one third an item), and sunchips and coke were each a negative half? explore mathematical relationships in this. what does action do? what does consumation do? is there a formula? it's like saying that active making is only a third of a whole (what consitutes a whole? explore.) whereas eating (<3) is detrimental. det. ri. men. tal.

The ending...
Yeah..
What a weird day?
What a weird poem.
What was the poem about really and what was the point?

Yeah, it's weird, but I liked it for some reason. I liked the 'What a weird day.' line. I have no idea why it's so cool, but it definitely is. Great poem.