Young Writers Society

never let the red cross fall
from your bloody hand.

on that windy ridge
the grass grows long
the horses ride hard
the bullets fly true.
the buildings of mont st.jean
companies of little houses
sit unmoving behind.
the columns of blue
vive l'empereur
swarms before you
what can you do
but sharpen your bayonet
aim your brown bess low
amongst redcoat brothers
thieves and murderers
but soldiers of england
wales, scotland, ireland
nevertheless
for king george
for st.george
make ready
never break
present
never surrender
fire at will
on the fields of waterloo.

the thunderous fire
hundreds of glistening tubes
slaughtering
destroying.
the pound of hooves
unsheathing of swords
sounding of the charge
square formation
four ranks
make ready
never break
present
never surrender
fire at will
on the fields of waterloo.

boney commits reserves
the veterans
the seemingly unbeatable
imperial guard
march forward
black moustaches
giant bearksins
feroucious expressions.
on a knife edge
you raise your gun
fifty yards
you stare into their eyes.
and then smoke
sauve qui peut
hold the colours
raise your arms
to the sky
on the fields of waterloo

you held firm.

-------

Felt like writing a narrative style poem, tell me what you think.

If you need any explanations of terms/places etc, just ask.

You'd think, after commenting on people's poems, some would return the favour.

never let the red cross fall
from your bloody hand. ( nice image )

on that windy ridge
the grass grows long
the horses ride hard (yay! horses!)
the bullets fly true. (this line is cliche)
the buildings of mont st.jean
companies of little houses
sit unmoving behind.
the columns of blue
vive l'empereur
swarms before you
what can you do
but sharpen your bayonet
aim your brown bess low
amongst redcoat brothers
thieves and murderers
but soldiers of england
wales, scotland, ireland
nevertheless
for king george
for st.george
make ready
never break
present
never surrender
fire at will
on the fields of waterloo. (the poems paints a vivid picture of a battle...but overall it kind of just feels like a dressed up history lesson.)

the thunderous fire
hundreds of glistening tubes
slaughtering
destroying.
the pound of hooves
unsheathing of swords
sounding of the charge
square formation
four ranks
make ready
never break
present
never surrender
fire at will
on the fields of waterloo. (sounds less like a history lesson, and again you feel like you're there.)

boney commits reserves
the veterans
the seemingly unbeatable
imperial guard
march forward
black moustaches
giant bearksins
feroucious expressions.
on a knife edge
you raise your gun
fifty yards
you stare into their eyes.
and then smoke
sauve qui peut
hold the colours
raise your arms
to the sky
on the fields of waterloo (seems a little reduntant after the last stanza..not much feels 'new' here)

you held firm. (good last line)

One would think, wouldn't one?

Not bad, Jack, not bad. I don't usually go for lyrical anything about past events, but this is good.

make ready
never break
present
never surrender
fire at will
on the fields of waterloo.

I like this!

you held firm.

Nice way to end.

The first stanza flows really well, and you have some rhyming in there as well. Also, the few line of French woven in give a slightly different feel, which ties into the setting of waterloo and the armies meeting there.

You're a great writer, i've been keeping an eye on your other stuff. I didn't like this one though. For a war poem it felt a bit too hooray i'm brave and fighting, and I dunno. I feel in poetry it should have delved further into the mind of the soldier. I know you did try to do it, but somehow it didn't got far enough me for. Still a very interesting poem though.

I thought this was really good. Even with my limited knowledge of English history, this still made perfect sense to me. And, you had a lot of odd and awkward lines that just seemed to fit in their context. I'd say this was probably one of your best ones.

And guess what? I actually GOT it. Isn't that amazing?

Well, Sam, there's not a lot to get

Thanks everyone for commenting and suggestions etc. Yeh, Midnight, I don't feel I did this very well, but I was in the mood for making it all "hooray and brave" as I really enjoy this period of history.

I really thought it was good. Had a good beat, good rhythm, and built it in my mind well. There is something that is hauntingly beautiful, randomly beautiful, and more beautiful than the rest of the poem, merely in the name "The Fields of Waterloo."