Young Writers Society

Down in a valley,
a quaint little town
is nestled in the hills,
as snug as a bird in its nest.
The grass on the hills is tainted aqua
with blue and black hues.

Cyprus trees wave in the foreground
like giant strands of seaweed,
while lights from the little cottages flicker
as does the firefly when he's sad.

And the sky is an ocean
full of wispy waves,
crashing down upon the little town,
so that it floats like a cork
in and out with the tide.

Swaying
to the rhythm
of life.

~Inspired by the painting Starry Night by vanGogh

It's a nice descriptive poem, and I get the feeling of swaying from your line structure and rhythm - but at times I don't see the point of certain line breaks.

While the irregular rhyme here does work well, as the rhythm of life is irregular I think that having alternation lines of long and short would create a more swaying rhythm.

Otherwise, taking this stanza for example

Cyprus trees wave in the foreground
like giant strands
of seaweed,
while lights from the little cottages flicker
as does the firefly
when he's sad.

I don't see why you have such long lines when all your others are so short (besides the irregular rhyme, but it doesn't seem very logical). Maybe if you broke them up into smaller lines.


So lets see, a few of the lines that I thought worked well.

with blue and black hues.

Alliteration here was effective.

while lights from the little cottages flicker

I enjoy the image that you conjure.

full of wispy waves,

Wispy waves works well.

crashing down
upon the little town,

Nice inclusion of rhyme here.

Swaying
to the rhythm
of life.

Effective ending.

**UPDATED**