Young Writers Society

It was late one fine clear August day,
When Pericles ended his hawking foray.
His troop of twenty dismounted that day,
In front of the pillars where the kings of old lay.
As he mounted the cold granite port,
A messenger arrived, his legs were sore hurt.
His breath came in gasps of one who had run,
Many a mile through the harsh beating sun.
After minutes of rest, the strength he did make,
To take a deep breath and this story he did spake:

Oh Lord, a sight my eyes have beheld,
Its memory makes it that my fear can’t be quelled.
Yesterday or last, I was in caravan from Olympus,
Carrying gold, gems, and silk, far from Cyprus.
Along we rode, through narrow Corinth gap,
Discovered we did, a large well made trap.
Of wood and stone, its structure construed,
The likes of which I never have viewed.
It was just then, the creature, it came,
A Minotaur large, its eyes glowing with flame.
It slew all the men, horses, and dogs,
But carried off all the oxen and hogs.
The fine silks and jewels, it left quite unmarred,
But the rest of the train it left very well scarred.
Oh please, my lord, slay this foul beast,
And upon your return I shall give you a feast.

Pericles listened to the story in rapt silence,
The rest of the troop marveled at the beast’s violence.
Finally the god stood, his head held up high,
His voice, it rose far up to the sky.
“By Poseidon’s name, I shall slay this foul fiend.”
His subjects were stunned, “Is this what he truly means?”
The king held up his hands and the voices were quelled.
Tomorrow I’ll leave at the toning of bells,
But alone I’ll not go, for the road is long,
And in the end, I’ll be in need of some song.
My troop of twenty will ride at my side,
And against our might, the foul fiend will die.


All during the night and morning they prepared,
Not a few of them showed that they all were quite scared.
Through the gates of Olympia they rode,
The crowds were cheering as the golden bells toned.
The armor and shields of that vanguard were grand,
So that the minotaur’s might to them could not stand.
It took two long days for that force to then reach,
The Gap of Corinth, of Pericles his men beseeched:
“Turn back my lord, for a danger here lurks
But if your decision is made, then none of us shirks.”
A howl was then uttered, its evil resounding
Through the bones of the men, its horror rebounding.
The horses, they fled, the man’s swords were then drawn
Through the trees and shrubs, out burst a deer fawn
Followed quite closely by the Minotaur large.
At Pericles’s order, and with a shout, all the valiant men charged.

Again it howled, its roar full of fury,
As to the result of their fate, the men paid no worry.
Like flies, the cruel beast, swatted them away,
Large strokes of its ax, their heads it did flay.
And then a sight of bravery and might,
King Pericles lunged, across the beasts ribs, his sword did bite.
Its scream of agony rended the troop’s will to fight,
The Minotaur stumbled, its hands at its side.
It stumbled out of sight, the men’s hearts swelled with pride.
Forward they charged, into a bleak cave,
From its dark bowls, the Minotaur did rave.
In the gathering gloom, the survivors lit a torch,
None of them as bold as when they’d stood on the port’.
Their light like a beacon, along they crept,
Closer and closer, the Minotaur stepped.
With a mighty swing of its two-handed ax,
The Minotaur cleaved the last man in the back.
The other two turned, their swords held up high,
The ax from the shadows, one man’s body did fly.

Pericles crouched beside a large stone,
The Minotaur’s roar shuddering every bone.
With a swing of its ax, the boulder exploded,
With a shout of victory, Pericles leaped,
On the back of the beast, his sword swinging down.
The Minotaur fell down onto the ground.
And Pericles jumped away from its hulk,
And moved it did not, the Minotaur’s bulk.

Pericles picked up the sputtering torch,
Remembering his words back on the porch.
In the gloomy light, he trudged through the tunnel,
Out of the gloom and that dark funnel.
Tired, weak, and bloody, from that dark fight.
Mighty he looked, like Ares after war,
And looked to Olympia its buildings afar.
When he returned, his wounds were healed,
And he held up the ax that the Minotaurs wield.
“I’ve killed the beast, though it cost many lives,
I would have brought it back, captive.
But I killed it, lest it take my own life,
And now it is over, I’ve ended this strife!”

First off, very nice, reads like an epic.

In the first four lines I think you overused the "ay" rhyme. The double use of day, doesnt quite work.

Yesterday or last, I was in caravan from Olympus,
Carrying gold, gems, and silk, far from Cyprus.
Along we rode, through narrow Corinth gap,
Discovered we did, a large well made trap.

First of all, Cyprus, Olympus, very creative. Only thing is, "Discovered we did" reads a bit like Yoda talks.

The likes of which I never have viewed.

Viewed doesn't sound quite right.

It was just then, the creature, it came,
A Minotaur large, its eyes glowing with flame.

Nice piece of description for the Minotaur.

“By Poseidon’s name, I shall slay this foul fiend.”
His subjects were stunned, “Is this what he truly means?”
The king held up his hands and the voices were quelled.

Why would the subjects be stunned? Is it because Pericles personally goes to destroy the beast?

The crowds were cheering as the golden bells toned.

You used toned not much earlier, a different word would be more appropriate. Striked? Tolled?

“Turn back my lord, for a danger here lurks
But if your decision is made, then none of us shirks.”
A howl was then uttered, its evil resounding
Through the bones of the men, its horror rebounding.
The horses, they fled, the man’s swords were then drawn
Through the trees and shrubs, out burst a deer fawn
Followed quite closely by the Minotaur large.

Really nice description and setting for the oncoming battle

Large strokes of its ax, their heads it did flay.

Nice

Towards the end of that stanza you really build up the tenision nicely.

The Minotaur fell down onto the ground.

Sentence seems a bit awkward, if he fell, wouldn't hitting the ground be inevitable? Also I'm not sure that porch is the best word to use, seems out of place for the time.

Overall I thought it was an excellent piece. At times your rhyme is really good and the sentences flow really well. But at others it slows down and doesn't read as easily. But that doesn't happen often. Great work

I relaly enjoyed this epic poem some parts were harder to read than others such as
"After minutes of rest, the strength he did make,
To take a deep breath and this story he did spake"

the fact that make and take rhyme it breaks the second sentence right at the start so it might keep the flow going if there was another word you could use there. other than that i loved discriptions like....
"Pericles picked up the sputtering torch,
Remembering his words back on the porch.
In the gloomy light, he trudged through the tunnel,
Out of the gloom and that dark funnel."
Really gives a good picture of the torch sputtering trying to stay alight and trudging through the tunnel really gives a nice image of the struggle.
good poem

Whoah. This rocked. An outstanding epic poem. The only thing that bothers me (and it's probably not that big of a deal but I'm kind of an obsessive mythology buff) is that when Pericles is speaking he says "my Lord" and, as far as I could tell, he's not addressing a superior. Really, "o gods" might fit better with the (Greek?) time-period.

That aside this poem was still brilliant.



~D'Inkweaver

no, Inkweaver, the 'my lord' is the messenger referring to Pericles.

Thanks anyhow. I'm glad you liked it. ^_^