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Young Writers Society


The King's Painting



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614 Reviews



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Sun Jan 14, 2007 6:53 pm
Swires says...



The King's Painting:
A snake, bitter, in his right hand,
A dagger in the other.
His mouth is burdened with a black heart.
This heart, beats, pulses and darkens the Painting.
The King is near death.

Interesting, how a painting of purest divinity,
can look old, tired and sick.
A painting, with its artistic grandeur,
has so many poison emotions,
like the symbol of the black, pulsing heart.

Slowly, the pain chars and the ink withers.
The King becomes a blur in history,
the heart looks like a hole,
The King dies.

Interesting, how a painting can look so vivid,
have divine colours and
contain great concepts, interesting,
That eventually, it wears away
into sweet nothingness.
Previously known as "Phorcys"
Witherwings Harry Potter RPG
  





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Sun Jan 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Emerson says...



I didn't exactly like this poem, the subject just wasn't for me, though it did remind me of Picture of Dorian Grey!

This heart, beats, pulses and darkens the Painting.
The way I'm reading this sentence, there should be a comma after 'heart'

Just because I didn't like it, doesn't mean it wasn't well written. You use good words but...it didn't flow for me. It just didn't...."work"? O.o ignore what I'm trying to say.
β€œIt's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
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Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:17 am
Prosithion says...



Interesting image that you created, but oh my God! There isn't any rhyhming. It's very choppy and there isn't flow. If you can change those things, this could be a great poem. ^_^
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Mon Jan 15, 2007 12:58 pm
Swires says...



Thanks for the comments.
Previously known as "Phorcys"
Witherwings Harry Potter RPG
  





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Mon Jan 15, 2007 9:01 pm
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Leonheart says...



i think there is a good use of imagery in this. i got a good insight with the things you said.

i didn't really like it though. the imagery was there, but the point eluded me. whether the point was obvious and i'm just thick is a different matter, but it seemed really random.

im in two minds really... im not sure with this one. good effort, but i think it'll be a thumbs down from me.
  





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Tue Jan 16, 2007 10:21 am
Sohini says...



you need to work on the meter of the poem and shorten the lines. there's no definate rhymth to this poem but it sure needs one.
otherwise, the idea's pretty neat and the title is terrifically interesting.
Calvin : You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes : What mood is that?
Calvin : Last-minute panic.
  








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