Young Writers Society

The King's Painting:
A snake, bitter, in his right hand,
A dagger in the other.
His mouth is burdened with a black heart.
This heart, beats, pulses and darkens the Painting.
The King is near death.

Interesting, how a painting of purest divinity,
can look old, tired and sick.
A painting, with its artistic grandeur,
has so many poison emotions,
like the symbol of the black, pulsing heart.

Slowly, the pain chars and the ink withers.
The King becomes a blur in history,
the heart looks like a hole,
The King dies.

Interesting, how a painting can look so vivid,
have divine colours and
contain great concepts, interesting,
That eventually, it wears away
into sweet nothingness.

I didn't exactly like this poem, the subject just wasn't for me, though it did remind me of Picture of Dorian Grey!

This heart, beats, pulses and darkens the Painting.

The way I'm reading this sentence, there should be a comma after 'heart'

Just because I didn't like it, doesn't mean it wasn't well written. You use good words but...it didn't flow for me. It just didn't...."work"? O.o ignore what I'm trying to say.

Interesting image that you created, but oh my God! There isn't any rhyhming. It's very choppy and there isn't flow. If you can change those things, this could be a great poem. ^_^

Thanks for the comments.

i think there is a good use of imagery in this. i got a good insight with the things you said.

i didn't really like it though. the imagery was there, but the point eluded me. whether the point was obvious and i'm just thick is a different matter, but it seemed really random.

im in two minds really... im not sure with this one. good effort, but i think it'll be a thumbs down from me.

you need to work on the meter of the poem and shorten the lines. there's no definate rhymth to this poem but it sure needs one.
otherwise, the idea's pretty neat and the title is terrifically interesting.