Young Writers Society

This is my first poem so excuse the rusty style XD

Looking at You

You're looking at me,
And you think i don't know.
I want to look around at you,
To see your face.
If i look around,
Will you turn away?
I don't want you to go,
I want you here with me.
But i have to go to you,
Because this is my last chance,
Tonight will be the last night,
After that you're gone.
All those days I've wasted,
Where you've been there.
I never spoke to you,
Not a word.
I was always interested,
Imagining your voice answering mine.
I was scared, you see,
I didn't want you hating me.

Now it doesn't matter,
I won't care if you hate me.
You won't be here,
And I will get on with life.
But what if i never tell you?
And i regret it for my whole life?
This moment will fade,
Wasted like every other day.
You will only ever know me
As 'that girl'.
I don't want that,
Because I love you.
It won't happen,
I understand that,
but I have to tell you.

I know you'll hate me,
But at least you'll think of me.
That's why I'm turning,
My eyes ready for you.
But where you were,
You aren't there.

You're in front of me,
My heart is racing.
My mouth is dry,
My mind is blank.
But you're there,
And that's what matters.
So i say it.
My voice echoing the words,
That I dread to tell you,
'I Love You'

You're looking at me,
And I'm looking back.
There is a silence,
The longest I've ever known.
But I dont mind,
I've said what I wanted.
You know what I feel,
So feel what you want.
But you will always know
that 'this girl' loves you.
That's why I said it,
Don't you see.
I love you.
Every moment that I spent
Dreaming of you knowing me,
Will forever be with me.
This moment will rest with me,
In every heart beat,
In every breath.
The tears that wet my cheeks,
at that moment,
will never dry.

So I waited,
Tears falling from my eyes,
Eyes that look at you.
Your eyes never left my face,
and they are so blue and passionate.
Then I hear you speak,
The voice clearer that ever.
'Thank you.
Everytime you looked at me,
You thought I didn't know,
I wanted to look at you,
to see your face.
Now we are looking,
finally,
upon what we know
will remain with us forever.
And so,
I love you too'

This poem does not seem new. Poems about love are always done, but that doesn't matter. The fact you wished to write it is all. The flow was good, but there were a few places where it seemed of. reread it. I may be wrong.

*cough* I will admit I didn't read the last two verses, but with good reason.

What you have here, is a love poem, yes? There is a certain technique to love poems. Try to write what you just said here, in as few lines as possible. Make it ten lines. There is a lot of useless lines that you could cut out, you know?

You want to be as selfless as possible when writing a love poem, or any poem involving emotion, you want the reader to feel what you are feeling, not just to read what you feel and go 'oh well okay' because you want the reader to care about your emotions. You have to make them feel with you.

Use better words, use less words. Choose your words carefully.

You're in front of me,
My heart is racing.
My mouth is dry,
My mind is blank.
But you're there,

You are with me
But I want to flee
You make me tense
The feelings are immense

They give about the same feel, but which one is better? You don't have to rhyme, but thats how I do it. Try to shorten everything, take your feelings, and make it one liners. Good luck! Hope it helped!

In love poems rhyme is allowed in my book because it makes it that little bit "cuter" and adds a flavour of passion.

I really enjoyed your poem, and it must have tooken time to write. It isn't quite like a love poem, but I think that the feeling is pretty good. People can relate to what you are writing about.


Hi Jess!
Lucy