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Young Writers Society


Babel



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10 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 10
Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:30 pm
Max McKali says...



“Babel”

I fly above the men below
Who’s backs all bend with years of woe.
I warn them they should build no more,
I cry for them while high I soar.

And yet the men work straight on through
While Heaven’s anger starts to brew.
So once again I send my word
But I don’t think that I’ve been heard.

Or maybe yes, but they know naught
As now the tower starts to rot.
It’s too late now, for though they heard
Man cannot understand my word.
"All for one and one for all- that is our motto, is it not?"
  





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98 Reviews



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Points: 1507
Reviews: 98
Sun Dec 10, 2006 9:57 pm
Sophie says...



"So high, in my, lovely ivory tower of Babel. Babble, babble... etc" - Godspell. Woo!

Sorry. I've nothing constructive to say right this second...
Oh the trees!
Take me back to London please!!!
  





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378 Reviews



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Points: 1215
Reviews: 378
Tue Dec 12, 2006 4:36 am
sokool15 says...



Great poem! I really liked it...I love the references. Great work! :)
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~Albert Einstein
  





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52 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 52
Tue Feb 06, 2007 9:31 am
Chibi says...



I really, really -really- like this part

Or maybe yes, but they know naught
As now the tower starts to rot.
It’s too late now, for though they heard
Man cannot understand my word.


For the simple fact, that this is pretty much the -only- verse where the rhyme doesn't sound forced, and laborously written. No offence.

Babel sounds familiar...but, not very, and not by very much either. Could be but a fleeting fancy of mine so....yeah.

Other than the slightly forced rhyme, which I feel it would do better if you let things just ...go with the flow as it were, I think it would work better as blank verse (no rhyming, essentially) but then that's just me.

Cheers

~Chibi
I speak with abscences, my lips move but no sound escapes; my life is but an eternal darkness searching for it's light.
  








Poetry and prayer are very similar.
— Carol Ann Duffy