Young Writers Society

I know something you don't know,
It's definitely a special thing.
I keep it very close.
I certainly know something you don't know.

I know something you don't know.
It wouldn't be a secret,
If I blurted it out insanely.
I obviously know something you don't know.

Boom! Boom!
Is that you I hear?
You can't open it, my friend.
Because you have to know something that only I know.

No! Don't do that, my friend.
You'll disturb its nature.
Don't think about it.
I know something you don't know.

Ouch! Please stop it!
What did I do?
It was my little secret.
It was something you aren't supposed to know.

My friend, my friend.
I am sorry,
I failed you.
The secret was out.

I remember blurting it out,
The words that pained you so.
I'm so sorry, my friend.
It was supposed to be only for me.

This makes me smile, but at the same time it makes me want to scream and cry and rant. I think this is how I feel a lot. It sounds like the stages of sad almost. Happiness,

I know something you don't know,
It's definitely a special thing.
I keep it very close.
I certainly know something you don't know.

Threatening,

I know something you don't know.
It wouldn't be a secret,
If I blurted it out insanely.
I obviously know something you don't know.

Fear Maybe, and frustration.

Boom! Boom!
Is that you I hear?
You can't open it, my friend.
Because you have to know something that only I know.

No! Don't do that, my friend.
You'll disturb its nature.
Don't think about it.
I know something you don't know.

Sadness then Anger.

Boom! Boom!
Is that you I hear?
You can't open it, my friend.
Because you have to know something that only I know.

No! Don't do that, my friend.
You'll disturb its nature.
Don't think about it.
I know something you don't know.

Good job. Lol, I love it. A lot.

Oops! I messed up.

I honestly have mixed feelings about this piece. On one hand, the scattered nature of the prose and the almost random way it moved was enjoyable. On the other hand, the randomness of the piece fractured it's continuity and made it very difficult to follow up until the last two stanzas. Also, the breaks and transitions from stanza to stanza and line to line a couple times were a little shaky. But the narrative is compelling, its innocent in a way, and thats touching. I think we have all experienced the feeling of holding in a secret that we know will hurt someone, and then telling that someone, and that someone (as we should have guessed they would) getting hurt. The result for me is a confused review, but I think you have the raw ingredients for a good poem, it just needs a bit of cleaning up around the edges.

Thers

It was really good and I liked how you repeated "I know something you don't know". It's definitly a lot like middle school and elementary school kids. I liked it mostly because you can somewhat see a story in it, like there was a kid who knew something about a friend or another classmate but the secret was to harmful to tell. In the end, the kid accidently tells the friend or other classmate the secret and regrets it very much. I don't know if that was your point the whole time but that's what I noticed. Keep writing.

It was so nicely put together. All the time while reading it, the repeated "I know something you don't know" almost reminded me of elementary children playing jump rope, singing rhymes in time to the jumps. Yet, it only left me wanting to keep reading. Amazing job!