Young Writers Society

newspaper boys cycle around town,
hoping to find a customer
out walking under the purple sky,
cloaked in smog and shadows.

they are invisible to those who walk by
with their noses pressed to the
screens of their phones,
thumbs sore and blistering.
the papers go unnoticed.

one boy tosses his hat on the ground
and falls down with it,
crumbling at the edges with the
very essence of autumn.
he is last week's edition.

this week, everyone gets their news from
loud people on the television
and tiny text on the tinier screens
that describe their lives so well.

minimise, minimise, minimise.
everything and everyone are small enough
to fit in the businessman's pocket
as he passes the corners where the boys
set up shop all those years ago.

the boy on the ground
picks at an october leaf
and waits for snow to fall.
no dinner tonight.
no dinner tomorrow.

he smiles at the thought
and loses himself in dreams
where he stands at the axis of the world.

Will be back to review, probably this weekend.

Hi, Owl again. I really liked this, it had a deep meaning that I could see and relate to. I hate how everyone needs the new phones and computers, and I-pods, while classic things like news papers and letters are forgotten. I am 14, nearly 15, and though I knew how to address a letter, I still addressed it wrong. I have a friend who is nearly 17 and doesn't even know HOW to address a letter. This saddens me more than anything. So this poem really clicked with me. I enjoyed your portrayal of the evolution of technology. Keep up the great work. 5 owls out of 5.

Hello there!!!

First off, I think that this piece has quite a bit of potential. There are some elements of it that I absolutely adore, and others that I'm not as fond of. I'll start off by reviewing the first stanza.

newspaper boys cycle around town,
hoping to find a customer
out walking under the purple sky,
cloaked in smog and shadows.

I genuinely like most of this stanza, I really do. But somehow I think that the second line throws it off just a bit. The words you used seem a bit plain compared to ones utilized in the other lines. This is just my opinion. If you added a little something to make that line more interesting, I think that it would really benefit the poem. I don't feel that you need to delete the line from the poem as it adds to the meaning of the whole thing, but I do think that you should change it until it fits the poem better.

they are invisible to those who walk by
with their noses pressed to the
screens of their phones,
thumbs sore and blistering.
the papers go unnoticed.

This is my favorite part of the poem. I love the words that you used and the feeling of this stanza. Reading this painted a picture in my mind. It was very enjoyable to read.

Other than some punctuation and capitalization errors that I spotted and that I'm sure you'll pick out when you edit this yourself, I don't see very much that needs improvement. Great work!!!

Always keep writing!!

-Rose