Young Writers Society

Snow White looked out her window one day,
And saw Prince Charming, there to say,

“I love you dear; sing to me as you do
With your sweet little birdies oh so true.”

So with a smile on her pale dead face,
She sang with him for months at that place,

Till one day, away she ran, into trees’ care
But she was no tree-hugger; I know it’s not fair!

Away she threw the forest’s love,
And instead chatted to a baby dove.

Then she broke into a little wood house,
Perfect, if only she’d had a spouse.

Seven little men discovered her there,
But she was hot, they liked her hair.

Miniature Dwarves were fine indeed,
And her lover’s lust she could finally feed.

So happy-dappy her life soon became;
Her dearest step-mother was jealous to shame,

And as a cute old witch, brought poisoned fruit
Smiled maliciously, and laughed with a hoot.

Snow White was dead, or so it appeared,
But her passionate men no longer feared,

For a glass box would keep her safe
And for her sweet love they continued to chafe,

Till one day her Prince showed up,
He was a bit late, the poor old pup!

But he didn’t give up quite so quick,
And to her fine red lips gave a lick.

She awoke with a gasp; he gave a good kiss,
“Oh my love, you I did truly miss!”

Grinning in delight they ran away together,
And now of course will live happily ever after.

Haha, that's really fun! It's nice to read poems that arn't about really serious things, like lost loves. I thought the rhythm could have been smoother in one or two verses, but apart from that, it was pretty good. Keep writing!

This made me laugh. You should write more of these! I really liked the humor. I think you should try a Cinderella one or a Sleeping Beauty. What was a bit confusing was the tree part.


'Away she threw the forest’s love,
And instead chatted to a baby dove.'

What did the forest's love mean? I didn't quite get it. But that might just be me. Anyway, good job and keep writing!

This was really cool! Why doesn't it have more reviews?

I found the idea really creative, and I always love remakes or spoofs of old fairy tales. So, there was a couple parts where the sentence didn't make sense and I got confused. For example:

Till one day, away she ran, into trees’ care
But she was no tree-hugger; I know it’s not fair!

Away she threw the forest’s love,
And instead chatted to a baby dove

I know rhyming is difficult, and so it can often make the voice a little forced. "'Till one day, away she ran, into trees' care," breaks up the rhythm, and also, what is not fair about it? She ran into trees' care but she was no tree hugger... it just doesn't seem to make much sense.

The second stanza quoted up there makes even less sense and seems to be there completely for rhyming purposes. Why is she talking to a baby dove? What does this have to do with throwing out the forest's love?

So I already said I loved this. I think the way you wrote it, the voice of the poem, is very... how do I say this? I guess it's a little negative? Which is good, because it makes it really humorous compared to the usual bouncy, happy way fairy tales are told. So points for that Let's see, the structure... I think the little couplets work. Some might say it was a little choppy, but I liked it. Overall your rhyming was okay, but just watch out for it being too forced. This is a great poem, sorry I couldn't say much!

-Daisuki

Bahaha, this was really funny =] I really like the humour in it and how easily it flowed. You kept it close enough to the story that we know exactly what you're talking about, but at the same time you threw in these really funny bits that make it stand out from the original. Very well done =]

Haha, I loved this. There were definitely a couple lines where it was a bit of a stretch and it didn't completely make sense, but all the same, I thought this was really funny. I've never been a princess-fairytale kinda girl. Thank you for dissing this cliche old story. XD
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

I really like this! Made me laugh and smile a lot, but you lost me a little bit at

"Till one day, away she ran, into trees’ care
But she was no tree-hugger; I know it’s not fair!

Away she threw the forest’s love,
And instead chatted to a baby dove."

Maybe its just me but I had to reread this several times. I think you could be a bit clearer without giving up the rhythm. All in all I really enjoyed reading this!

Hi there!
This is more of a comment than a review:
I just thought is it cute and wanted to say nice work!
Keep Writing,
-Briggsy

Hahah! This was hysterical! I loved it. It was cute and definitly a spoof. You did a great job, I love things when they're spoofed beacause then when you think back to the real thing you can see that it could actually be taken like the spoof... if that makes sence... ANYWAY! Loved it it was creative and cute. Keep up the great work. 4 owls out of 5.

Ha, do you want a serious review of this? I'm not sure if I want to commit to applying a critical eye to this just yet, because like you said it was a spoof. And as it stands it is clever, and at times rather funny. I won't say it was great, I won't say it was biting or satirical - though most would argue against the later - but I will say it is a typical spoof and for making me smile, I commend you.

JP

Hi.. You know this was one of the funniest piece's I've read so far.. The rhyme was superb and the flow was smooth at most parts.. must say it's a very very good piece of work...
Harshita:)

Hello Matthews,

This was a very amusing poem and I have to admit, I was smiling the whole time I was reading it. I can't say it was my favorite because I thought it was rather silly but it was definitely one of the most humorous inventive poems that I have read. I love how you have taken a child's fantasy fairytale and transformed it into a somewhat less magical version of what it would have been like in reality! Now on with the review, please don't take anything offensively in this review, this was honestly a very quirky poem that I liked!

Till one day, away she ran, into trees’ care
But she was no tree-hugger; I know it’s not fair!

Away she threw the forest’s love,
And instead chatted to a baby dove

I think that this part was mostly off topic because the little amount of relevant information had to have a rhyming line to go with it which made it kind of confusing and not really very interesting. However I understand there isn't much you can do about it so I won't suggest rewriting it.

The only other thing is to try and include more of the story. You have an amazing start here but if you tried to include a more detailed description of the story then I think it would be easier to understand and more exciting. However boring fairy tales may be they are still very descriptive and always have quite inventive plots so I think you need to obtain that factor of fairy tales.

Overall this was really good and I don't have nay more constructive criticism, this was truly a very great piece. I recommend you trying this with other traditional stories and if you take on the challenge I'll be keeping an eye out to see what you come up with! If you have any questions or would like another review then please PM me and I will be happy to help! Great work by the way.

From DreamingForever

OOHH! You deserve all the likes!
It is so nice and funny!
Congratulations!
Sorry if I can't help, but I don't think there are much things to be changed.

Hey Matthews,

Ok, so you've been hammered with lovely constructive criticism, I won't saturate it any more.
I thought this was very clever! I loved it. The rhyming worked really well and emphasised the
poem's humour. It was really bright and vibrant, and well retold.

Great stuff.

Miyakko.

I really like the idea of this to begin with. Remade fairy tales are always fun to read. I agree with the forced rhyming, so to fix that, you could do free verse, which would sadly remove the playful quality. Free verse on the more dramatic part would make it stand out more, and would improve the quality of this poem. Rhyming naturally instead of sticking in words for the purpose of rhyming only and throwing out sense altogether isn't recommended. Overall, though, I love this poem. The couplets really do make this seem more like a happy-go-lucky fairy tale! It was fun to read! I hope this doesn't sound too harsh.