This was good, I really liked your revised version. However, the line, "for the fire burns when the tide turns." Didn't fit quite right. It just didn't match the rhythm. But, it was a good poem. Keep writing.
A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. -Kafka
[while trapped in a bucket of popcorn] You know what the worst part is? It's not even butter. We're gonna be destroyed by... ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING! — Blake Bradley, Power Rangers Ninja Storm
Keep writing.
