Darkness II

Dry blood oozes slowly,
Approaching like lazy death,
Like the devil's wicked grin
Spreading 'cross the path.
Fire, flames, the horrid games,
The darkness seeping fear,
An icy tear falls silently.
In Hell, a spot so mere.

Nutteh-love! You wrote a poem! I simply must review!

the Pirate Queen wrote:Dry blood oozes slowly,
Approaching like lazy death,

First two lines are good!

Like the devil's wicked grin
Spreading 'cross the path.

Ooh, creepy! I like the first line.

Fire, flames, the horrid games,
The darkness seeping fear,

Two things about this part: first, I think it's weird that just this one line rhymes with itself, and I'm not sure what the horrid games are supposed to be. Second, I think you should change "fear" to "near". I don't know, to me it reads better, but it's just a suggestion, Nutty-pie.

An icy tear falls silently.
In Hell, a spot so mere.

I think this part wrapped up the entire idea behind your poem nicely! Great work.

Overall, I loved it! *clicks the button-thing*

I love how you go so deeply into your poems. You send a clear message to be about it. I really like the darkness of the poems :3. I try to write them like this but I have problems with dark poetry myself. I hope you keep trying! you have great talent!

Thanks again! Timmy, my dear little lima bean, thanks for the suggestions, I didn't even notice that one line being all rhyme-y :/It's kinda weird.

Lol and thanks for all the wonderful compliments!

~nutty

I like Darkness2 much better than Darkness1.I think you did a great job with imagery.

Fire, flames, the horrid games,
The darkness seeping fear,

These lines are my favorite.

Approaching like lazy death,

I don't quite get what you mean by lazy death.This poem reminded me of " The legend of sleepy hollow." I think you did a great job Fiction.

I really got the imagery for this poem. I love it

Hi again!

Another great poem. It definitely took a different approach then the first poem. The feel and imagery of this poem is just fantastic. One thing I could comment on is the fact the words and rhythm didn't seem as good as they did in the other poem. There was also one nitpick I had about the phrasing of your poem:

xX_white_shadow_Xx wrote:Approaching like lazy death

What is 'lazy death' supposed to mean. I know there are things which kill you very slowly, but 'lazy' just doesn't seem like the right word to describe it.

Otherwise, you did a nice job. PM me if you have questions.

-Elinor

Hi nightlight. This one's even more scary than the other one... Now I'm scared... sort of... It's dark outside right now... I'm going to peek at the other ones tomorrow when there's still light outside... The "er-series" are pretty good.

-Crescent