Young Writers Society

Spiritless leaves quake.
Tangerine petals vanish.
A breath of fresh air.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wrote this last night, and I don't know if its good, but I want your input! Yes you! Thats right! You! You read it, you critique!

hey
this was ok but I really did not get it and I had to read it over and over just to understand it but it was ok.

Hi!

Me again.

this was good, a bit mind-boggling but good in all. It was kind of as if it were in a code that only some people can understand. Know what I mean? It needed something. One little ingredient. I can't really put my hand on it but it needs a touch to it to sprucing it up. You had great language and it was flawless, mystical, and charming but the words didn't go together.
It was a haiku but it didn't seem natural, as if you just randomly figure out some words with syllables that you wanted to weave together. suggestion: don't write a haiku. write some other kind of poem because a haiku kind of limits to down to a small quantity and a big expectation for you to give the same quality to it. that's difficult though so just try something else so you aren't as closed in and you have more freedom to you're speech. Poetic License. Then you can add more detail and it won't be as mind-boggling but just don't come out and tell a reader everything. Give fractions to keep the same "mysterious-ness"

First of all, I really really like your imagery. It gives my imaginiation a burst of color, and I feel like I can see the leaves, and smell the air.

However, I also agree with michelle96. A lot of times, haiku poems leave a feeling of emptyness or leave the reader wanting more. Your poem is good as a haiku, but not as good as it could be if it were written in free verse or something. I think imagery is very important to the mood of this poem, and if it were expanded a little, it would really give a new flavor to the piece and would create something that the readers could really see, and feel, and smell. . . you know, use their senses for, lol. Haikus are good for conveying ideas and philosophies, not really imagery. (Like, have you ever watched "Rocket Power" on Nickelodeon? If you haven't, there's a Hawaiian man on the show who delivers philosophic tidbits of speech in haiku. That's what I'm reminded of when I hear haiku poems, lol.)

But, um, yeah. Imagery works really well in sonnets, and in free and blank verse. But I give you a lot of credit, though. Personally, I think haikus are really hard to write.

Anyway, keep up the good work!!

I was thinking the same of as all of you. I think I might go free verse and describe the leaves blowing around or something. Hmm....

I actually didn't really like this. The tangerine petals line made me think of oranges just vanishing.... (O_O)

I like how you used a lot of color, but it was confusing. I really don't understand what you mean.
Maybe if you make it longer (not a haiku) it will be easier to understand.
Ryan