Young Writers Society

Why do you hold me back all the time?
All I want is your approval.
Hold me back and I'll snap.
But you stretch me anyway

Push me in one direction,
I'll pull in another.
Tell me to go right,
I'll go left.

You hurt me and held me.
Confused the heck out of me.

Why do you take when I don't want to give?
I'm supposed to trust you,
but I trust you the least.

In all this world,
in this universe,
I need my own voice, my own life.

You won't let me take,
and you won't let me give.
You complain that I'm selfish and mean.

I have gotten this view for such a long time,
that it won't leave and it hurts me so bad.

I should trust you,
I can't.
I should love you,
I don't.

In all that I see in me.
I see you.

This is not what I want.
This is not what I need.
I never wanted to be like you.

But as hard as I try.
In your world, I can't touch the sky.

It's really sad.
Your my mom.


I apologize if this gets you depressed but I just got in an argument with my mom and I'm not thinking straight so I'm writing.

This poem sounds like a Linkin Park song. You can interpret that anyway you want.

One quick little logistic thing.

I have gotten this view for such a long time,

Say "I've had this view for such a long time" I have gotten makes no sense.

I liked this - really caught my attention. I don't think you should apoligise for it being slightly depressing. In my opinion i think that the best pieces are written when you feel bad or depressed etc becuase thats the time when you can really describe te way you feel but in an unusual and unique way - because afterall no-one thinks the same do they. I liked this so just thought i'd tell you! mim x

This was a typical I-Wanna-Rant-Against-My-Parents Stop-Smothering-Me. It's unfortunate you have these feelings, but so does everybody else. Your job as a writer is to make something that captures these feelings without using words like "you've trapped me"--that's real original. Keep intact your message but purvey it differently. This is mediocre.

Yeah, it was pretty unoriginal, mainly because you spelt everything out to us. You told us your feelings and emotions rather than showing them through imagery and metaphors etc. That would make the poem so much more interesting to the reader. The concept is okay, the intention good, but you just need to work on your execution.

Great job. The one thing I might suggest is to tighten up some lines, so they have the same meaning but aren't so long. It breaks the flow of the poem if you have short, short, long. Just a couple of examples (and suggestions, but that's all they are, suggestions):

Tell me to go right,
I'll go left.

This could become:

You say, 'Go right,'
I go left.

Of course, you'd probably want to keep the tenses the same, and I didn't do that, but anyway...another example:

Why do you take when I don't want to give?

That could be put into two lines:

You take but
I don't want to give

Or something like that. Anyway, that's basically it! Other than that, great job. However, I agree with what some others are saying. Use imagery and metaphors instead of just telling us how you feel all the time.

I really like this poem, I disagree with the people who say thu unoringinal.
(well mabye it is, I haven't read THAT many poems)
This stanza is my favorite, it's short yet it keeps the rythum very well,

I should trust you,
I can't.
I should love you,
I don't.

Push me in one direction,
I'll pull in another.
Tell me to go right,
I'll go left.

This stanza is good but I think yous hould have 'tell me to go right' change that to 'you go right'
This is a very sad poem because alot of kids feel this way about their parents. But sad in a good way.

At first, I thought it was interesting. You use 'I'll go this way, you'll go that way' and we were kind of excited to find out who you were so p'd-off at. YOu have this whole thing and then bam- 'Your my mom' which is grammatically incorrect. so we have this huge suspension going and then- oh. Right. I have to agree with Incandescence- a lot of people write this type of poem. You have to make it original, so it doesn't fall into the mediocre category with everyone else's. Work, girl, work!

Over all, it was so-so. A couple lines were great. 'Hold me back and I'll snap/but you stretch me anyway' was a little bit confusing, but it was awesome all the same.

Keep at it. With a little bit of tweaking this poem could really be something.