hey, im onsa from england, uk....was browsing net and found this forum, its very cool indeed getting an opinion on a piece can be so difficult at times.
im posting this piece which i wrote abt 2 yrs ago i think lol just to see the responce so plz review it xxx
A blinding light hit me. actually hit me...hard in the face. Then a blow in my chest thrusting me back. I lay on the floor unable to move, my eyes shut tight because the light was too much. I could hear my heavy breathing and felt my heart thudding and my blood rushing through me. I lay there...for how long I do not know but I lay there in silence with only my slowing breath as a sign of my life. They say never is your mind completely blank, there is always something you think of. This moment for me was one of those...my mind was empty I thought of nothing I felt nothing no presence no air just the blinding light which made my vision with shuteyes glow. What was I to do? I could not open my eyes for the light, could not move for fear...so I just lay there.
Moments passed and I counted the seconds...then a memory flashed before my eyes.
The garden...no the field behind the block of flats. Yes…and Andrew wearing his black jeans the same pair he wore when we first stole from school after it closed.
He is holding a hammer...i know this scene. We were building a fort in the middle of the field Andrew was now pinning our sign up, a dagger with our initials unscripted on the blade A and C.
“Come and help Carl, you hold the nails.” Andrew’s shrill voice made me shudder, it was so real not like a memory but like I was a ghost watching the scene exactly as it happened.
“Carl, what the hell you doing? I said come on”
I see my house, the door newly painted red, the attic window cracked. I see my mom, the smile newly painted, the front left tooth cracked. She walked up the steps into the house me behind her. My shoulders are slumped but my uniform in perfect place and clean. I’m 8 my birthday was last month, 23rd of November. She opens the door and lets us in, then slams the door behind us.
She sighs, a heavy sigh, her head hangs low she leaves it there for a few seconds but she holds it up again and smiles at me her white teeth beaming.
“Tea and toast? You can have biscuits too”
I nod in approval, i always approved when she was like this. All perfect and ‘happy’.
My eyes open with a sudden jerk up my spine. The light is still there but now so dim it allows me to see. I wait for something to happen, saliva builds up in my mouth, I don’t swallow. No one or no thing said anything to me. It was vivid, my mind knew what was happening, and like something telepathic was telling me giving me knowledge of what was and what would happen.
I remember the screeching of tyres…I remember the feeling of the Honda bashing into me, and then it screeching away. And then the slow beep beep beep of the life support machine and I recall the moment with me in my unconscious mind my mother by my side and that is when I saw the blinding light.
I knew what was to happen now. I had come before my time and so was to go and fulfil what was written for me to do only then would I be admitted here.
The floor beneath me gave way and I started to fall. I did not kick or scream I just stayed still.
In a world that I could not call my own I fell face first into the soil from which I grew. It all was new again I felt like a newborn only I could see, speak, taste and understand. I took a step back not being able to take in the sight of the old chestnut; looking below it the fallen conkers seemed surreal. I felt the cold wind against my bare skin. My skin. I touched my arm, stroked it down to the tip of my fingers, I stared into my hands and then with a strike of realisation I saw I was back from the dead. But what did this mean, how would I live again? Would I be but a mere shadow, a form of darkness looking into my past like a mourning ghost? Would I endlessly reach out to my family but clutch nothing but air? Air, which I could no longer breathe.
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