Young Writers Society

Need help writing this poem

He had a certain aura when he walked in a room
He exuded cool like a noxious perfume
Oh how those penetrating, icy, blue eyes left their mark on your mind
His alluring voice, resonated in your ear like a sweet melody of love and passion
His swagger was like no other

Hey Jklhjkhkh, welcome to YWS!

Tell us a bit about yourself. Where are you from, what's your favorite genre to read and write? What's your favorite color, movie, and style of music? If you could be a marine biologist, what animal would you study and why?

Just for some general, good information about the site, I would recommend reading the Rules. It mentions things like the 2:1 ratio rule. So for every story/poem/lyrics/photograph/play/etc. you submit for review, we ask that you review at least two other things first.

About your poem:
I don't really know that much about poetry. If I were you, I'd make two reviews on anything you want, anything in the literary boards, and then post your poem in the poetry thread. The Instructors (Purple) will probably give you some great advice along with other poetry wizzes.

If you have any questions or need anything, feel free to PM me!

-Carly

Hey Jklhjkhkh ^^ Shina here ;P And I'll be your greeter for today.

Welcome to YWS! And wow, that's an interesting combination of words you got there ^^ . No worries! Just submit them to the poetry section and YWS will help you write this poem and get it done!

Tell us a bit about yourself. You like writing? Photography? What kind of music do you like?

I'll go over the basic rules with you before giving you my pieces of advice.

The 2:1 ratio! Remember to review to pieces of work before posting one of your pieces. It helps the flow of things around here.

Dont' speak in all caps and use proper grammar and punctuation to practice writing like a professinal.
*LOL and BRB are allowed

When someone signs your guestbook, sign theirs back. It's only proper and nice ;P

Don't take all reviews to heart. When you post a piece of work you're giving everyone permission to read and shred it apart. Trust me, take their advice. They know what they're talking about and don't feel offended. They want you to improve as a writer

Good Luck ^^
-Shina

Hi Julian and welcome to YWS! I'd suggest re-posting this in the poetry forums to get more comments (but only after doing two reviews first). Overall, I think you've got some cool images, but it needs more rhythm and flow to make it more poetic. Also some expansion would be helpful.

Well since the other Greeters took care of all the rules and such, I'll just give you your gift now. Good luck with your poem!

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S YOUR GIFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey there I'm The.Dreamwalker but most people just call me dreamwalker or DW or even TDW but you can call me whatever you like ^_^ And its a pleasure to meet you.

Okay so you might have noticed that there are a few different colors when it comes to names. Here:

Blue: Greeters (Like me )
Purple:Instructors
Light green/Green: Junior mod's/Moderators
Red:Administrators
Orange:Distinguished members.

OKay so the the blues are the greeters and we welcome the newbies into YWS by answering questions and giving them a general understanding of the rules.

The Purp's review, review review. They help YWS writers better themselves by showing them things they are doing wrong and if you want a really good review just go to them.

Then there's the mod's and junior Mod's who make sure the forums are running smoothly.

Peace!

Hey Julian! I'm Chloe, or Vivi, Vivacious, Vivz and Viva. Welcome to YWS!

Here's some advice for that poem. Go to Writing icon at the top of the page. First click "read and review." Review at least twice, people are way more likely to review your work if you have reviewed the work of someone else, or them. After you have done that go to the same icon and click 'submit something.' There you can submit that poem for critiques from others!

So Julian,

What else do you like to do besides writing? Head on up to the little “Groups” Icon at the top of the page. Click it and search for a group with the interest that you have. If you find one, join it! If not, at the top of the page there’s a link to a forum where you can create a group. Have fun!

PM me when you've posted your poem, I can review it.