Young Writers Society

Life and Death. One, an experience enriching you with joy and pain, other relieving you from all. But the choice is not yours to make. In neither cases. Yes, it does mock the idea of freedom but it makes sense if you start reading the famous story of Adam (p.b.u.h) and Satan. Speaking of choices, you do get to 'choose' a lot. Like, should you wear your newly stitched cotton shirt today? Or should you save it for tomorrow's choosing drill and go on with wearing anything fresh out of the laundry? And true, you ultimately have the full authority of making 'such' choices. And then to give them your 100%. Stimulating synapses, One Hundred percent, a friend would say; to make sure that you do save that newly stitched cotton shirt to make it available for tomorrow. And then if anything goes against expectations (the tailor sew it your sister's size), VIOLA your fate ditched you. You are a saint! Such is the nature of liberties you and I are given since birth. A toast to liberty. Let us mock it.

There are restrictions put on you by God. Very fine.Very limiting. Very well defined. And very logical. Though limiting they may be, they have a reason logical enough to have your head hang in obedience. You violate them and prepare to be wrecked. If not here then in hereafter for sure. Most of the times, these lines help you make your mind about something. Since they define 'the right' from 'the wrong'. Also most of the times, they make you smother, the intoxicating pleasures. Which again is a good thing. Mocked, every single day.

Then, there is another set of restrictions. Which are more pronounced than the Divine decree. And it is the truth. Try negating me. They are defined by you and I. We made them up. We came up with logics, crossing the borders of sensible understanding and voyaging with utter ignorance in the wordly bottomless, boundaryless ocean of insensibility- waving a flag of pseudo-wisdom. When all we have in store, is a recipe for disaster, ingredients being money and materialism, falsehoods and lies, cowardice and weaknesses, prides and pathetic-pathetic thinking processes, with the help of which we maintain our stiff postures, cold skins and dark hearts. Mock. I mock. I mock us all!

By refusing these silly strictures upon my heart and veins. Even if they help it survive for a while. Still, they are cutting off its nutrition. It is already malnourished. It will die. It will start on rigid sequence. I don't want that. My heart doesn't want that. It wants to be human. It remains human, if I stop listening to all this noise, made by us. It remains human, if I only have one set of restrictions, keeping me in lane. Even if I am assumed to be wrecked or I am actually wrecked. My heart will live fully to whatever short span it has. I don't believe in us. I am sorry but you and I are fallible mortals not God. True, we have been playing it for too long. But playing God doesn't make you one. And I am smart enough to know that.

Thank you for your concern. But I have made my mind.

No words! Its totally awesome! How can you write so good?

Bintulislam wrote:Life and Death. One, an experience enriching you with joy and pain, other relieving you from all.

Nice description of life and death.

Well, I am really flattered. As I know, I couldn't write as well as all these people around here do and am not being humble at all. But thanks.

Hey, Bint!

Here as requested. Granted that was weeks ago, but my apologies for not being more punctual. If only you could believe how busy I've been. :[

Anyhow though, allow me to move on with your review!

Life and Death. One, an experience enriching you with joy and pain, other relieving you from all.

As an opening line, I would expect a lot more from it. The most basic thing though that seemed to throw me off was the way in which you worded this I suppose. It read awkwardly, the way you were trying to explain life versus death. You say One, which sounds as if you're about to start listing something. The you say other which sounds incomplete at the start of the comma. Rewording this would help you a lot I think. Perhaps it might read better written as, "Life and death; one an experience enriching you with joy and pain, the other relieving you from all." In fact, I think that's what you mightv'e meant to write in the first place.

Stimulating synapses, One Hundred percent, a friend would say; to make sure that you do save that newly stitched cotton shirt to make it available for tomorrow.

Another sentence I had trouble deciphering at first glance. It reads quite rigidly in itself, but I also don't see the mechanics of it working well either. I imagine periods in place of commas and a colon in place of that semicolon. You also have the word one capitalized after a comma. Things like this throw me off in reading. Spiff up your sentence structure and pay closer attention to punctuation.

And then if anything goes against expectations (the tailor sew it your sister's size), VIOLA your fate ditched you. You are a saint! Such is the nature of liberties you and I are given since birth. A toast to liberty. Let us mock it.

I've not the sincerest clue what you're going on about here. It sounds as if you're rambling a point that would be much better understood if you were telling it verbally rather than have it written out for those to read. One thing you want to always pay special care to is translating your thoughts as smoothly and delicately into written word as you possibly can. It's easy to take notice to choppy translation. Of course the writer understands what he or she is trying to say, but does the audience?

Also(,) most of the time(s) (,) they make you smother(,) the intoxicating pleasures.

There is no necessary need for the commas where you've originally placed them. Remove all the things I've parenthesized and input the comma I've placed after also.

Now, to be fair, seeing as this has been posted under general articles, I'm quite dissapoonted to see how utterly opinionated it was. When one reads an article, in general, it's not one's own biased opinion they wish to seek out. They wish to lead their own thoughts and opinions. You want to feed your audience a single clear thought with sensible points and arguments made other than your own. Otherwise, what you write seems more like preaching rather than bringing to light a certain point.

As for the point to be made, I have to say I only vaguely caught a foggy idea of what you were trying to say. The ideas were not professionally placed in order and were not cohesively brought together as one. What I read seemed more like rambling thought than a well put together article. That's not to say what you have here is not worthy or fixable to make it as an article. It seems you have a grand idea of what you wish to say, though things simply aren't sewn together into well-organized thought.

I hope anything I may have mentioned might be of some help to you, and I sincerely apologize if anything I said may have come off in any way harsh. When I seek to be constructive it seems I tend to get solely caught up in explaining how things may be fixed. xD Pay no mind to that though. I encourage you to better this piece into one very sturdy article! Should you make any sort of edit, I'd be glad to cone back and take a look for you.

-Smylin'