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The Everyday Survivors; Chapter 1.2



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Thu Sep 08, 2011 3:01 am
Dreamwalker says...



Chapter 1.2:

It had taken me quite a bit of time to realize I had been holding my breath.
Mere moments after he had disappeared, Creature returned to my side. What a relief it had been, though it was far too late to be of any use. I was already crying.


* * *


The library wasn’t busy seeing as it was still rather early. A good thing too seeing as I was still rather shaken up. Creature’s expression had been that of a grimace up to this point, the guilt visible across his chubby infant features. It made it very hard for me to let everything go, if I was even capable of such a feat.

What had he wanted? Why had he wanted me?

The image of that beautiful person continued to haunt my very thoughts. His impeccable mouth. His wide, irregularly fluorescent eyes. Even the way his touch felt electric as if he was pulling my soul to him. With him.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt regret that I hadn’t gone with him. I was ashamed to think on it as such, but when it came down to it, he beckoned me. He intrigued me.

I went to the front desk, pulling out the books I needed to return as well as my library card as calmly as I could. I hoped my hands wouldn’t shake so much.

“Brady Whitlow,” the woman said, her smile becoming apparent. “I was wondering when you’d show up.”

I handed her the books and my card, turning my eyes away from her. “Hi, Ms. Davis.”

She took the books with delicate hands, her composure that of a woman who spent most of her time with her head in the clouds. She was a lovely person, of that I knew, and was always so sweet to me whenever I came along. Of course, she had been around long enough to know my name and certain aspects about me. Probably why she never questioned my being at the library during the day when most kids my age were at school.

I liked her, but at the same time I hated that she knew me.

Her soft hazel eyes stared at me with a gentleness, very much her own. “Always so prudent.”

I nodded, watching as she scanned each book. When she got to the last one, her eyes narrowed before she turned her eyes towards the classics section. “Well I’ll be.”

“Ms. Davis?”

She smiled, cocking her head to the side in that whimsical manner of hers that made all the curls fall against her left shoulder. Brown curls. Uncontrollable curls. She must have hated them growing up. Hated that they never stayed put. Of course, I had always admired them. “A girl came looking for this book today.”

“Oh,” I said, flicking my eyes in the direction that she had recently took interest in. “She’s here?”

“Yeah,” the woman nodded. “She was… rather adamant on getting it.”

I watched as she placed the other books underneath the long, wraparound desk before returning her attention towards the one in her hands. I had a sudden inkling that she didn’t want to inform this girl about it.

“I could bring it to her,” I said, not quite sure if such a thing was a good idea. “If you’d like.”

Her eyes widened, relief becoming blatantly visible. “Really?”

“It would be no problem at all.”

Her eyes crinkled in such a joyful manner I had instantly felt glad I’d offered. “Thank you, Brady. You’ve always been such a sweet boy.”

She handed me the book and my card back, gesturing towards the classics section with her hand.

“She has black hair,” she said. “Very hard to miss.”

With that, I turned towards the aisle, book firmly in hand and heart pounding mercilessly loud. With each step, the labored thoughts returned. With each moment, I could feel a new form of panic kicking in.

Creature grabbed my hand and started tugging. Pulling me away from what I was supposed to be doing. When I looked down at him, his face was filled with worry, head shaking back and forth as he continued to pull.

It was too late to turn back now, though. I had things to do.

When I reached the Classics aisle, I peered around the corner hesitantly. The black-haired girl was there as Ms. Davis had said, though I hadn’t known she would be as she was.

I took in her sight as quickly as I could, my throat becoming immensely dry. She was gorgeous. The kind of girl who graced the covers of magazines. Incredibly tall with milky white skin and a thin, delicate figure. It was unnerving.

And her clothing. Such strange, interesting clothing.

She wore what appeared to be a dress, sky blue in colour, with a sash around the waist. Under the crook of her left arm was a jacket of some sort, though I couldn’t quite tell. Her hair, which was ebony in shade, fell down her back in thick tufts at a length I hadn’t expected would be very easy to keep. There appeared to be a matching pale blue ribbon tying some of the hair on her left side.

She looked like something straight out of a book. Childishly dressed she was. All except for one very strange article of clothing.

She wore combat boots. Thick, black combat books that looked heavier than any shoe had a right to be. It was odd to look at as she was so delicate and beautiful.

As of then, she had her nose buried in the pages of a book which she looked to be quite a few pages into. I feared interrupting. Feared that I would break the immaculate silence that surrounded her whilst suffocating me. It was only natural that an angel could glow in a place where a person would crumble.

In silence, my thoughts were far too much to bear. For her, though, I’m sure silence was a dream.

“Miss,” I murmured, hands gripping the book tightly against my chest. I felt small. Weak. The book was large and heavy compared, as if shielding me from her divine judgment. “Miss?”

Her eyes didn’t move from the page, perfectly arched brows furrowing in annoyance. The image of divinity was broken in that very moment. “What?”

My stomach knotted. “I-I have a book. The librarian said you were looking for this book?”

The girl looked up then, harsh expression filled with curiosity now. “You have it?”

I nodded, biting down on my lower lip surreptitiously. “Yeah. I wanted to return it to you.”

She pushed the book she was reading back into its spot a bit too roughly before placing that hand against her hip. “Right, give it here then.”

I approached her slowly. Unsurely. She was a force; fiery. Beautiful, angelic exterior but there was something menacing about the way her words curled off her tongue. The angel of courage.

As I handed her the book, she looked at me with scrutinizing eyes, lips pursed and brow heavy. I instinctively took a step back, my cowardice becoming blatantly obvious. “What use could someone like you have with a book like this?”

She held it up with one hand, teeth clenched.

“Book report,” I muttered, cheeks colouring.

She scoffed then turned her eyes towards its cover. “Right.”

I moved to leave, wondering where Creature had gone. I hadn’t really been aware of the fact he let go of my hand until now, which left that aching in my stomach. Would the boy from earlier return? As I searched, I caught sight of scarlet eyes peering around the corner at me.

So he was watching from afar.

“Wait a minute,” the girl said, her voice quick. When I turned to see what was the matter, her eyes were directed towards Creature as well though her expression had once again changed. This time there was undertones of fear in her mulberry eyes.

Creature came forward slowly, his movements delicate and elongated. When he reached my side, the small infants hand grasped mine, lips pulled back in a horrid grimace that showed all his sharp, pointed teeth.

“An imp,” she said, stepping away from me. “No.”

I turned my eyes towards her then back at Creature, then towards her once more. She could see him and she wasn’t exactly happy about it.

“Imp?”

She glared at me violently. “Bad omen, kid. He’s going to kill you.”

I could feel the air escape my lungs. She was wrong.

Creature’s grip was slowly becoming tighter, his other fist balled and his expression fading to that of a stoic nature.

“How long has that thing been following you?” she asked.

“Nine years.”

Again, the shock appeared across her face. “Nine years?! Do you take me for some kind of a fool?”

Her anger directed itself towards me, balled fists raised and face flushing.

I turned my eyes away from her trying desperately to keep my calm. “I can assure you, I am not lying.”

“You can’t be serious,” she hissed. “That thing is a murderer.”

“He’s killed nobody.”

“That’s because he’s waiting for his chance to kill you.”

Now it was my turn to be angry. “Don’t talk about him as if you know him.”

“Don’t talk about him as if he’s a person!” she looked exasperated. “He’s an imp! He doesn’t have a soul.”

“And what gives you the right to tell him that?” I retorted, clenching my teeth reflexively. “You don’t know anything about him.”

“And you do?”

“More than you, apparently.”

She was raging now. Her cheeks were a bright shade of red and a sheen of perspiration formed across her brow. When she spoke, her voice was trembling with a waning control. “You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into, kid. No idea.”

As she turned to storm away, my anger dissipated completely, left with a want not to let her simply leave but to know. She seemed to think she knew something and I wasn’t exactly about to let her leave without telling me everything.

“Wait!”

She looked at me, expression fierce. “What!”

I paused, eyes wide before I slumped in on myself. I always prided myself on being an articulate person. In the case of anger, though, I had never been very good at knowing just how to take it.

Of course, in my thoughts I hadn’t realized Creature’s hand slipping away until it was tugging at the clasps on my bag. He looked up at me, smiled, then unfastened the last few buttons. Before I could stop him, he grabbed a notebook, flipped open to a clean page, and began to scribble something down in a very choppy, raw script.

“Tick tock,” the girl muttered.

After finishing, he handed me the notebook, smiled weakly, then turned to leave. I reached out for him, my stomach flipping and my heart pattering wildly. “Creature, wait!”

But he was gone.

When I knew there was no chance of recalling him, I turned my eyes towards the page.

I’m sorry, it read. For everything. I’ll be with you when you need me. I promise.

And that was it.

My lips were quivering. I could feel my resolve slowly slipping away as I reread the words. When I needed him? I needed him now! I needed him always!

“You’ve got a lot of nerve calling me back.” Her voice broke through my panic, though the sharp tone was somehow weakened.

That little bit of leeway was enough.

“I don’t understand,” I stated, keeping my eyes low and my words soft. My voice was cracking and I knew it. Cracking with every last bit of my sanity. “I don’t know what to believe.”

She didn’t say anything right away. At first, I had thought she decided to leave after all. I really didn’t care at this point. All I wanted to do was cry.

“I don’t know either, to be honest.”

When I looked up, her face was directed away from me, hands balled at her sides.

“Nine years,” she said, voice exasperated.

“Nine years,” I repeated. The tears were brimming now. I’m not quite sure why. I suppose, when it came down to it, I was quite a bit more emotionally than I had given myself credit for. Creature was my only friend. To think of him as anything more or less than that would be a travesty.

“You do not fear death?”

I wiped the sleeve of my coat across my eyes, hoping it wasn’t completely obvious that I had no control. “I don’t know what death is.”

She paused again, eyes wide.

“What do you know about Creature?” I asked finally, voice betraying what little strength I had. “Why would he ever want to kill me?”

~~

Spoiler! :
So this concludes the first chapter. I'll be back with the next one some point in time. Of course, this might be my least favorite section right now. Probably because its so... flat and straight-forward. As someone who likes getting really wordy, this feels completely out of my comfort zone.

Then again, getting wordy can be a bad thing.

Maybe I'll beef this up a bit more. Not too sure. Either way, tell me what you think!


~Walker
Suppose for a moment that the heart has two heads, that the heart has been chained and dunked in a glass booth filled with river water. The heart is monologuing about hesitation and fulfillment while behind the red brocade the heart is drowning. - R.S
  





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Sun Sep 18, 2011 2:14 am
tgirly says...



I love it! My only critique is that I think you meant for "For Everything" in Creature's letter to be italicized like the rest of it. Other than that, there's no grammatical errors, that I can see at least. I don't think it's flat and straight-forward, I think it's AWESOME!!! Can't wait to read the next chapter! (I think this could be a chapter by itself, but that's just my opinion.) Sorry I don't really have any real critiques, it's just too good, like the first half!
-tgirly
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel
  





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Sun Sep 25, 2011 7:38 pm
Dragonette says...



Hiya! I'm Dragonette and I will review your story for you today :D Now, I didn't have time to read the first part of your story :/ but I'm a fast learner and I'm sure I will get along just fine.

This was very good, you have quite a talent. But I have just a few nit-picks to point out:

The library wasn’t busy, seeing as it was still rather early. A good thing too, seeing as I was still rather shaken up. Creature’s expression had been that of a grimace up to this point, the guilt visible across his chubby infant features. It made it very hard for me to let everything go, if I was even capable of such a feat.

I have two things to point out here. First, is that there should be commas before the word "seeing" (where I put the purple ones). And second, you used two sentences in a row that have the phrase "seeing as it/I was still rather..". So I would suggest that you change one of those. Maybe to something like this:

The library wasn’t busy because it was still rather early

or
And I was still a bit shaken up, so it was probably a good thing.


Another thing I noticed was:
I went to the front desk, pulling out the books I needed to return as well as my library card as calmly as I could. I hoped my hands wouldn’t shake so much.

I just feel as though this sentence didn't flow as smoothly as it could. You could try wording it like this:
I went to the front desk, pulling out my library card and the books I needed to return, as calmly as I could.

Let me explain why I did this. First of all, I added another comma. Those things are very small, but also very important in writing. When you added that phrase there in the middle of the sentence, it needs to be cut off by commas. You put the first comma (I went to the front desk, pulling out the books I needed to return as well as my library card as calmly as I could) but you just needed to add the second one to show the end of the phrase.
I also switched the nouns around. By putting the shorter noun first, I made it easier read.

Also:
I watched as she placed the other books underneath the long, wraparound desk before returning her attention towards the one in her hands. I had a sudden inkling that she didn’t want to inform this girl about it.

“I could bring it to her,” I said, not quite sure if such a thing was a good idea. “If you’d like.”

Her eyes widened, relief becoming blatantly visible. “Really?”

I was a little confused here. At first it sounded like Ms. Davis didn't want the girl knowing about the book, and then she was excited that Brady was going to give it to her. So, I'm taking it that Ms Davis didn't mind her having the book, it's just that she didn't want to give it to her herself? Correct? If so, you should re-word this.

And:
As I handed her the book, she looked at me with scrutinizing eyes, lips pursed and brow heavy. I instinctively took a step back, my cowardice becoming blatantly obvious. “What use could someone like you have with a book like this?”

She held it up with one hand, teeth clenched.

You should probably join these two paragraphs together. At first I didn't know it was her that was talking, I thought it was Brady. So if you put this next sentence dirrectly after her words, it should clear things up ;)

But besides those few minor things, I loved it! :D You did a really good job describing all of the characters, except for Brady... I can understand that it is rather hard to give description to the MC when he/she is written in first person, but I have no idea what this kid looks like. But, like I said, I really enjoyed your description of the other characters. So thumbs up on that.

This story really caught my attention and I think it would be a fiction book that I would definitely pick up in the library. Please keep writing more. And I actually think I like it enough to go back and read the first part of the chapter ;)

~Dragonette
I'm a JESUS FREAK! (but you can call me a 'Jeek' if you want :D

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

You aren't an official writer unless you're at least slightly mad.
  








We wandered the halls of an infinite magic nursing home, led by a hippo nurse with a torch. Really, just an ordinary night for the Kanes.
— Rick Riordan, The Throne of Fire