Young Writers Society

Boolovesyou wrote:If You Saw the World How I Do,
you would see that a
single ice crystal, fallen from the sky,
is a world on which I live upon.
It melts and freezes below me,
sweeping my soul away.

If you lived how I live,
you would realize I’m not perfect,
and whisk away to islands of
humbleness and joy.

If you hurt how I hurt,
you would hold your hand,
as I do. This break-up is a bit weird- maybe put 'as I' on the line before and 'do' on the line after.
Pray to one day float back to heaven,
from where you surely came.

If you loved how I love,
you would see all the
amazing things that make you up.
You would see the brilliance of love
itselfAgain, strange break-up. Maybe make 'you would see the' one line and 'brilliance of life itself'

If you saw the world how I do, One time it was all caps, but not this time?
Would you run away?

If You Saw the World How I Do,
you would see that a
single ice crystal, fallen from the sky,
is a world on which I live upon.
It melts and freezes below me,
sweeping my soul away.

If you lived how I live,
you would realize I’m not perfect,
and whisk away to islands of
humbleness and joy.

If you hurt how I hurt,
you would hold your hand,
as I do.
Pray to one day float back to heaven,
from where you surely came.

If you loved how I love,
you would see all the
amazing things that make you up.
You would see the brilliance of love
itself

If you saw the world how I do,
Would you run away?
Not much to fix! Just work on the punctuation. Good job!

Boolovesyou wrote:If You Saw the World How I Do, I realise this is the title line, but as it is part of the actual verse, it doesn't need capital letters.
you would see that a single ice crystal,
fallen from the sky,
is a world on which I live upon. You got a double type thing going on here, on and upon in the same line, scratch the 'on'
It melts and freezes below me,
sweeping my soul away.

If you lived how I live,
you would realize I’m not perfect,
and whisk away to islands,
of humbleness and joy.

If you hurt how I hurt,
you would hold your hand, I'm not to sure on this line, you would hold your own hand?as I do.
Pray to one day float back to heaven,
from where you surely came.

If you loved how I love,
you would see all the amazing things,
that make you up.
You would see the brilliance of love
itself.

If you saw the world how I do,
Would you run away?

I <3 this ending

If you lived how I live,
you would realize I’m not perfect,
and whisk away to islands of
humbleness and joy.