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Stop and Stare ~ Chapter Four, Part One
Zoey
I sighed as I gazed into my locker. I could feel my stomach spinning as the stench of something bitter and strong circled the air around me. I'd left for a lousy six weeks, then came back to find this mess. The least this school could do was make sure that every locker was in good condition. Whoever had owned this one last year must have lived in a pig sty, if this locker was anything to go by. I made sure to remember to bring some disinfectant to school tomorrow.
Into the darkness of the locker, I could just see a pile of, what looked like, water. The smell that wafted out from the locker convinced me otherwise. I let out a sudden gag as thoughts of what that liquid could be entered my head. In the one corner of the locker, there was some kind of food--a sandwich, I think. Judging by the way its corners had curled as well as turned a bizarre colour told me that it wasn't all too fresh. I made a chocking sound again. The silver walls of the locker were filthy, and there wasn't an inch of metal that didn't have a brownish tint to it.
I reached into my bag and brought out a packet of wet wipes. Holding the locker's door with my one hand, I began rubbing the wet wipe along the mirror that was stuck to the metal door. The wipe was cool against my palm, and for a moment, it was able to settle the thoughts racing through my mind. It wasn’t long until I could actually recognise my own face in the now clear reflection. I popped the used wet wipe into the bin beside me, and then shut my locker’s door. Yes, I’d definitely have to clean that thoroughly tomorrow.
I despised everything about the first day back in school. The school’s schedule was basically non-existent, half of my classmates returned overly noisy and excited, and I always ended up having a number of teachers that had never taught me before, so they didn’t really have any idea about what level I was on in the subject they taught. They could see my grades, but knew nothing about me personally. Their knowledge on my strengths and weaknesses was poor. There were no organisation skills in the process of the first day back whatsoever. As the thoughts crawled into my head, it was as though my mind was beginning to overload, but I attempted to soothe it as best as I could. This day, I'd normally toddle over to Aimee and see if she had any more of an idea of what was going on, even though I knew very well that she'd have no idea. I smiled for a moment, but it soon decreased into a frown. I ran my tense fingers through my hair as I turned my mind to something more positive.
It was a good few weeks since I’d been in the school, and to my satisfaction, the hallways appeared to be just as well kept. Certainly better than my locker anyway. I rolled my eyes as I thought back to the day I renewed my scholarship. In the end, it took me almost an extra two hours to get it done. It was ridiculous. My dad had better scolded his staff for holding everything up because they most definitely needed to improve on sticking to a time schedule.
That wasn’t what stuck in my mind from that day though. That boy--the one who'd fallen off the school's outside wall was stuck in my memory. Charlie Black. What was on my mind now though was whether he got accepted into the school or not. I had asked my dad about it, but he only gave me a lecture about not being able to reveal who did and didn't gain a scholarship, and how he couldn't even tell his family. Quite frankly, I found that absurd. Who did he think I would tell? I suppose I may have told Bridie, but then again, I couldn't have even done that because she'd been on holiday over summer. I think I had the right to know who was and who wasn't being allowed into the school by my own dad though.
Charlie would have easily passed the music side of things because despite falling off a wall, his voice was note-perfect. My curiosity had gotten the better of me that day, so I couldn't help but stand outside the theatre with the door slightly ajar. He’d picked a rather daring song too because it wasn’t one that was well known at all really. Charlie had changed the arrangement of the song so that it was far shorter, but he'd done so in a way that managed to avoid leaving out a single high point of the song. If anything, it sounded as though Charlie had written it himself.
It was the GCSE side of things that made me unsure of the outcome when it came to him gaining a scholarship. His results weren’t too bad, but he only had two grades that were an A, and the one was in music anyway. The other was in art, so I wasn't even sure if that would help him much. He just had to hope that was enough, I suppose.
After making sure that my bag was closed tightly, I began wandering down the hallway. It was impossible not to notice the odd stare aimed at me as I passed some people. I knew why they were staring. Honestly, some of these people needed to mind their own business. What happened to Aimee gave them no excuse to gaze at me like a school of fish. As I wandered, my eyes scanned the hallways for someone, anyone that I knew. I couldn't see Bridie anywhere. When there was a hundred and one people staring at me, having my best friend with me would have made it much easier to ignore. She must have been in her class already or something. My heart began pouncing against my chest as a clammy feeling took over my forehead and palms. Everyone was looking at me. I took in a deep breath and locked my eyes in front of me. After a brief moment of standing still, I flicked my fringe out of my eyes and continued walking.
“Zoey?” I heard a voice calling me from behind. “Zoey!”
The second I recognised who that voice belonged to, I shut my eyes for a few seconds and groaned. I’d been here for a measly ten minutes, and he’d been able to find me already? I spun around, and to my disappointment, it was exactly who I dreaded it would be.
“Hey, William...” Go away.
William stopped beside me with an overly ecstatic grin on his skinny face. His dark hair had been combed flat across his forehead, and I swore I could smell the hairspray on it from where I was standing. Like usual, his school uniform was immaculate. That was one positive thing about him, I suppose. The blood from my face all seemed to pile up in my cheeks as I watched William, and I was aware of my cheeks burning up. Couldn't he leave me alone?
“Hey, Zoey!” He was right in front of me now, still with a grin on his face. “Have you had your hair cut since the start of summer? Wow, a fringe really brings out your eyes. Hey, how did your end of year exams go?”
“Thanks,” I replied. “They went well. Uh, I better get to my first lesson.”
I turned back around and continued wandering down the hallway, but I was conscious of William’s heavy footsteps behind me. When he started speaking again, I knew for sure that I hadn’t gotten rid of him. It wasn't that I didn't like him as such, but I simply didn't want to know about his sister who seemed to be a completely genius, his mother who lived in some foreign country, how he'd won every sporting competition he'd ever been in, or all of the times he'd gotten a hundred percent in exams. I mean, that was all he ever talked about. His company was fine, but only in small doses, and not on the first day back in school with a million and one things slithering in and out of my mind.
As we walked further, the sweaty feeling on my skin lessened. I even felt my heartbeat return to its normal rate. Normality was good for me, I suppose, even if it did mean William harassing me.
"Mine went marvellously. Did I tell you that I got an A* in everything? I'm taking Biology, Chemistry, Mathematics and English for my A-Levels. I’m certain I can get an A* in all of them too, plus my Maths teacher said it was more or less fundamentally undeniable that I’ll be able to get A* all around in Maths."
I smiled and nodded, but I was paying more attention to the bare walls around me rather than William. At first, I was flattered that he seemed to be attracted to me, especially considering he was in the year above me. But there was a limit. Since I started in year seven, he'd said hello to me every break time and lunch time at the least. I glanced to the side of me, only to notice that William was wearing dark concealer to cover a tremendous pimple beside his nose. I held back a laugh in the back of my throat, but I couldn't control the smirk on my lips.
"So what lesson do you have first?" William asked, which distracted me from the make-up he was wearing.
"History." Maybe if I respond with one word responses, he'll leave me alone.
"Oh, really? You're top of the class, no doubt." He winked at me. We've been in school for ten minutes. I think it's impossible to be top of the class when you haven't had a lesson yet. "My sister took History for her A-Levels actually, and she constantly boasted about how she was the most exceptional in her class. It was mournfully annoying. I swore I could have killed my sister sometimes." He paused and his eyes widened. "Oh God, I'm sorry, I didn't think... I just... I..."
“It’s fine, it's fine. Look, I’ve really got to get to class.”
This time, William didn’t follow me as I made a break for it. There was a subtle aching feeling inside of me as Aimee's soft face flashed through my mind. I ignored, removed it from my head, and walked forward. When turned around to glance back at him, he was rubbing the back of his neck and he appeared to be mumbling to himself. I think he was scolding himself for what he said. The aching feeling returned briefly. That was the first time someone had mentioned my sister to me today. I took another deep breath, shut my eyes, and cleared my mind. I glanced back at William. That could work actually. If I made him feel as though he couldn’t speak to me without offending me, maybe that would have encouraged him to leave me alone. That sounded like a plan.
Now without William stalking my every move, I strolled along the school hallways. There were a number of new students lingering around the building who seemed to have a detailed thinking process about every single step they took. Most of them were students in year seven that had come up from primary school, but there was the odd exception of older kids who had gained themselves scholarships. Their blank faces and constant shuffling made them look just as terrified as the younger students. I'd been in this school for around four years, but right now, I knew exactly how those kids felt. Judging by the way I was avoiding eye contact and judging by my lonesome stumbling about the place, it may as well have been my first day here.
I turned my concentration to anything but people's faces. Their uniforms. Yeah, that was a good idea. I'd take a look to see if the usual uniform standards were up to scratch. I had to admit that most of what I saw, I liked. The majority of the green and black ties didn't have any loose bits dangling from them, almost everyone's blazers were fastened correctly, and every single shoe I saw was a polished black. I was observing one girl's uniform, and then I glanced up at her face to see her raising her eyebrows that were like a pair of furry caterpillars. My cheeks became flushed in the matter of seconds, and a moment later, I'd turned my head. Staring at stranger's clothes was clearly just as bad as looking at their faces.
After a brief five minutes of more awkward stares and occasional whispers directed at me, I reached my class. There weren’t many people waiting outside, and it wasn’t as though I knew any of them too well either due to the fact that they were all at least a year older than me. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes as I tried to ignore the immature yelling and laughing that surrounded me. I seemed to have done a lot of closing my eyes today. I began subconsciously tapping my feet against the hard floor below me with my eyes remaining shut.
“Hey, Zoey, isn’t it?”
I lifted my eyelids open to see a boy with striking red hair in front of me. Well, I say in front of me, but he was a good few inches shorter than me. I narrowed my eyes for a second. I swore I recognised him... Ah, of course. It was that Adam Johnson boy at the auditions. The one with the trombone.
“Oh, heya. Yeah, it’s Zoey.” I was smiling, but then the memory of his behaviour in the lobby came back to mind. “You’re the kid that whacked your trombone against the boy who was sitting next to me, aren’t you? In the lobby?”
Adam started laughing then. He clearly didn’t notice the sour expression on my face as he leaned against the cold wall beside me. He turned to me and shrugged before realising that I didn’t find it very funny at all.
“I’m guessing it was on purpose then,” I muttered.
“Oh, come on.” He looked at me unbelievably. “That boy isn’t actually your friend, is he? He was annoying me after only being in the same room as him for five minutes.”
“I just think it was rude, that’s all,” I replied. “Well, I’m guessing you got the scholarship then. Um, speaking of that boy, have you seen him around? I’m not sure if he--”
“A straight line, please. These hallways are narrow as it is, so having you all piled up doesn’t help one bit.”
I whipped my head towards the direction of the classroom door. Standing there was who I assumed to be my new history teacher. Any positive thoughts inside of me crumbled along with my emotions His face wasn’t recognisable at all, so I guessed he was new to the school itself. Great. He certainly wouldn’t know the level I was on in class. I tensed my hands as every worry possible flooded into my head. With a flick of his wrist, the unknown teacher signalled for the group of us who were standing outside to enter the classroom.
After ambling into the classroom, I made my way towards the top right corner of the class, like usual. The teacher didn’t seem overly bothered to as of where everyone sat, so thankfully, I was able to sit in the last but one seat that was in the corner. Lines of tables and chairs filled the room, and I had sat myself down in the back row so that I was a seat but one next to the window. There were posters smeared over the walls to encourage kids not to smoke as well as posters that revealed the consequences of underage drinking. My eyes were soon distracted to the schoolwork from the previous year that had been left basically peeling off the walls. Someone desperately needed to clean that up.
Until now, I hadn’t realised that the classroom door was shut and there didn’t appear to be any more people entering the room any time soon. As the remaining students took their seats, I felt my palms beginning to sweat all over again. Both of the seats beside me were empty, and those who considered sitting by me soon decided against it. For God’s sake, my sister’s died. I’m not diseased.
Someone had to sit by me... I couldn’t just not have anyone beside me. That would ruin every inch of my concentration this lesson. Maybe I should have moved seat? No, no, I couldn’t do that. This was where I always sat, and I didn’t even want to imagine changing that. My foot began to tap against the floor in a repetitive rhythm as my mind begged for someone to start walking in my direction. I wiped my forehead, and when I brought my hand back down, it was as though my head had leaked a small river of sweat over it.
Just as my mind began spinning, I noticed Adam sauntering towards me. Please, please, please... I may not have gotten a good first impression of the boy, but I’d even be willing for him to join me so long as it meant someone would be sitting by me. My whirlwind of thoughts almost melted in relief as Adam turned the corner of the desk I was sitting beside. He was soon sitting himself down in the seat to the right of me. Every part of my body removed itself from its previous tense position. Now all I needed was for someone to sit in the window seat.
I smiled at him as he brought his stationary out of his bag. Now that there wasn’t a bucket load of panic rising in me, I tried to relax in my plastic seat. The classroom, along with the majority of my skin, was rather warm and clammy, so I grabbed a sheet of lined paper that was in front of me and began fanning myself with it.
“You alright?” Adam’s voice made me jump. “You look a little flushed.”
“Um, yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” I smiled as I put my paper fan down.
“You’re the principal’s daughter, aren’t you?”
“Well, yeah. Why?”
Adam responded with a simple shrug, but he failed to hide the smirk that was forming on his lips. I raised my eyebrows as I attempted to guess what was running through his mind, but I had no choice but to give up eventually. I’d have to keep an eye on this boy. From the way he was sitting with his legs openly stretched out, to the way he was chewing gum through a smirk, there was something about him that made me wary.
Before my thoughts could process any further, they were interrupted by the teacher beginning the lesson. He didn’t say anything of much use really. He appeared to believe that having a chat on the first day back was more important than actually educating his students. He had an immensely agitating twitch in his eyebrows too. It was as though the amber eyes above his pointed nose were a pair of trampolines that caused his brows to continuously bounce up and down. While he spoke sentences completely unrelated to history through his chapped lips, my mind began drifting to the greenery outside the clear windows. There were some magnificent flowers outside, but none of the exotic bushes were able to wash away a niggling feeling at the back of my mind. I turned to the empty seat beside me and shuffled in my own seat.
“God, you are kidding me,” Adam said, distracting me from my thoughts.
“Huh?” I turned form the window I was staring at and glanced at him.
Without saying anything else, he nodded towards the front of the class. I must have done an exceptional job at ignoring the teacher because until now, I hadn’t realised that he wasn’t speaking anymore. I turned my attention to the front of the class to see the teacher, whose name I didn’t know despite having been in the lesson for just over seventeen minutes, leaning against the wall beside the doorway. Standing in the doorway itself was Charlie Black.
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