Barber

They say after heartbreak, a haircut.
A clean slate for every mistake.
But now I've no hair left for cutting,
And even less heart left to break.

Hey this is pretty neat. It's short, yeah, but the structure is good. I like the quirkiness of it. It could almost be a song, you know?
Good work. Love it!

~Crazy

PS Welcome to YWS!

sicklee wrote:But, now I've no hair left for cutting,
And even less heart left to break. I would take this word out for rhythm.

I really like this poem short and sweet, but because it is so short I can't really give good review.

Wish I could have helped,

A. S.

Yeah there's not a lot to review because it's so short, but there is something really refreshing about it...quirky, somebody already said, and I think that sums it up perfectly. Maybe you should add on some other short little poems to this entry too, just so we'd all have a little more to review? Just a thought, but I really like this poem a lot; for such a short piece it had a lot of impact and intrique.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver13

Wonderful piece- very simple, but concise and powerfully stated. I really don't have anything bad to say about this. Pretty useless review altogether. BUT, very nicely done.

Personally, I think that the word "left" is necessary, and would make the meaning different from what it is now if you took it out. Refreshing imagery to connect with heartbreak.

I'm definitely looking forward to reading more from you. c:

-Coral-

Hello there sicklee! Flower here, as requested by you of course! Now then that introductions are at ease let me start my ramble. I want to let you know first, that this is beautiful very consise poem. It is very short, and straight to the point. I would usually suggest lengthening it, but there really isn't any need of doing so. It is beautiful in this short form. There is no need for story or background. One thing that you are lacking though is some sort of description. It leaves it somewhat bland, but it isn't really nesessary either.

I also like how formal you sound in this poem. Most teens would put something to the extent of, But now I have no hair left to cut. You however went beyond the usual, in my opinion that is.

sicklee wrote:They say after heartbreak, a haircut. One of the comments on this line that I have is, the comma and then you saying haircut is very distracting. I would start a new line, and add some more words to it. That way the poem would flow much better. I think that that is really the only thing that I saw in this poem.
A clean slate for every mistake.
But now I've no hair left for cutting,
And even less heart left to break.

I really do love this, the shortness of it leaves less room to review though I'm afraid. I'm sorry that I couldn't be of more assistance than that.

Let me know if you would like another review. I enjoy reading your work.

-Flower-

I love the simplicity. But it's totally relatable and tells us something that could otherwise take a whole page in just four lines. Bravo. It's easy to understand and I like the comparasins. I liked it so that maybe this can be up for just one more day.

-iheartbooks♥

That's when you do a full body wax!

Nah, I'm just kidding. I like your piece. Though, it's pretty sad! Having no heart is generally a bad thing! Although, I will have to admit that I've never heard of having a haircut after you break up. That's new to me!

Its short and straight to the point, which gives it an even sadder aura. Simply stating the facts tends to be a good course many times when trying to create a depressed atmosphere, atleast for me. It gives an impression that your'e past grief. I really enjoyed it. *likes*

You're a good poet, keep up with the great work.

_WaitingForLife_

I love this. Its a unique take on something everyone has either experienced or witnessed. Everything works, the simplicity, the rhythm so I can't really give an awesome critique when I see nothing really wrong. However I just wanted to say keep it up and that I really enjoyed this.

I agree with everyone else this is short but pretty good, ill never tell you it needs to be better only you can decide if it needs to be better or not.

Keep up the good work

This is so cute and succinct! I love it with all of my heart. You know what you're doing here, so there's no call for a nit-pick review, so I'll just shower you in gushy adoration. I certainly hope that you still have at least a little bit of heart to break, or else you're dead! But, hopefully that last piece of heart will remain in-tact.

-Lumiface

Lumi wrote:This is so cute and succinct! I love it with all of my heart. You know what you're doing here, so there's no call for a nit-pick review, so I'll just shower you in gushy adoration. I certainly hope that you still have at least a little bit of heart to break, or else you're dead! But, hopefully that last piece of heart will remain in-tact.

-Lumiface

I totally agree with Lumi. This is so cute. It's short and it's neat. I just loved it. I really hope that you will write more like this if not, better. I enjoyed reading it.


Keep writing,

Alicia.