Middle of the Balcony
~12.08.2010 00.00
She looked around again and tried to think what she was doing there. It seemed completely meaningless but she had nothing to do. She was just a sixteen-year-old teenager and she didn’t have any idea like changing the world or something.
She was sitting in the balcony of her house with her lovely laptop computer. It was very hot inside and it wasn’t very good for her. She had an allergy againist the heat so she was there.
Thoughts from a dark mind. Words from a frozen heart. She had a dark mind – never ignored this. But frozen heart? It wasn’t her fault at all. She had nobody to listen to her. Her thoughts. Her feelings. And she thought, if nobody cared, they weren’t necessary.
It was wrong to shape your life because of anybody but you, but she couldn’t help herself doing this. She looked at street lights and started to think what turned her into “this”.
She thought about everybody in her life but nobody was there. In her heart. Nobody worthed to be cared by her. “Disturbing,” she whispered to night. “Sixteen years and there’s nobody except my family.”
And night answered her question, “They didn’t even look inside of you.” Paused. “You looked every inch of them but they didn’t. It wasn’t your fault, girl.”
“But, it should be!” she whispered angrily. “Were many people wrong? Am i the only right?”
“There’s no right or wrong,” answered the night. “It depends on the point of view. I’m looking from your side and you are absolutely right. Calm down and stop thinking the others. This is your life not theirs.”
“Maybe you’re right.” She started to understand. “I should do it. This is my life.”
“You say it but you didn’t believe. You should believe it.”
“I believe. I guess.”
“There shouldn’t be any doubts. This is your life and you should know it already!”
She opened her eyes and whispered again.
“This is my life.”
She looked at the sky and saw the stars shining. She smiled.
“This is my life.”
The moon shined.
“This is my life. Not theirs.”
She went inside, to her bed. She said it again before she slept.
“This is my life. Not theirs.”
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