It’s funny how the small, unimportant memories are the ones that you remember the best. That’s how it is for me, anyway. I don’t recall many Christmases, birthdays or any other major events. I remember how Tommo, Mollie and I used to go poaching when we really weren’t supposed to. When Big Joe managed to get himself stuck in the Church tower and how I practically dragged Tommo to his first day of school. I can’t help but chuckle quietly to myself. Tommo’s never been the bravest of all guys.
As I stare at the blank wall in front of me, I sigh. I glance at the clock; ten hours left. The weather is really pleasant today but I hate its perfection. It’s as if it's mocking me, mocking what’s to come. I shake the thought out of my head and replace it with a happier one, one of Mollie and little Tommo junior. Life’s an extraordinary thing; it really is. It’s incredible how someone like me can create such a beautiful child. I just wish that I could have the chance to watch him grow up.
I know it’s silly and pointless, but I can’t help but hope that a miracle will happen tomorrow. I mean, I haven’t done much wrong. I’ve been a pretty good guy. Sure, I’ve made mistakes but I don’t have any regrets. There’s no point in dwelling in the past. All that matters is what's happening right now. I want to make every moment last. I haven’t got many of them left, after all. I now understand what mother meant when she told me that time is precious.
I can hear the clock ticking, counting down the hours. How long left now? Eight hours maybe? Part of me wishes that I still had my watch; my wrist feels empty without it. It’s almost as if it makes me feel defeated, which is absurd really. I haven’t been defeated. I’ve got everything I’ve ever wanted. Even if I’ve only had a taste of it. I have a gorgeous wife, amazing mother and a perfect big brother. As for my younger brother? He’s the greatest man I’ve ever known. Even if he is a bit of a girl at times. He’ll take good care of Mollie and little Tommo. I know he will.
It must be getting late, but I don’t care. I don’t want to sleep tonight. I don’t want to have to wake up. I wish I could see them all one last time: mother, Mollie, Tommo junior, Big Joe and Tommo. I’m glad they had let me see Tommo a few hours ago though. That gave me some kind of comfort. At least I was able to give him my watch and he was able to give me his word. If only he knew how hard it was to look after a woman and a child. I bet he’ll regret promising me once he does discover how hard it is. I can’t help but let a weak smile grow on my face.
Seven hours to go. That annoying clock is still ticking away, still mocking me. I don’t want to think about tomorrow; I can’t think about tomorrow. It'll make me weep. I can’t allow myself to cry. I’m Charlie: the leader, the big brother, the man. I don’t cry, but I guess that sometimes, that's all you can do. When there’s nothing else left, you cry. A small teardrop runs down my cheek. It’s not fair. I don’t want to die.
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