An extract from:
Earth & Its Contents: Ben Franks On...
Hopefully, to most of you, it won't come as a shock to hear that we've recently had a General Election. If you're reading this and you were eligible to vote, you may still be able to join a queue at the poll stations in Hull or Sheffield, but I doubt it.
Anyway, an exciting fumble to the campaings this year included the genius idea of three televised debates! The idea may've been down to a recommendation by Simon Cowell suggesting the 'normal' election campaings were lacking that X-Factor. Although the man himself didn't say that, I think most of us will begin to realise that this year was more of a popularity contest. The three leaders lined up and advertised themselves on character rather than policy, dumping facts on those dull enough to watch them. However, we all realised the fun of politics after Gordon Brown attempted a bit of stand-up material! Or when people flocked to Youtube in order to watch compilations of Gordon Brown's unnatural smiles or David Cameron's usual 'do-dar' about his visits across the country.
After the final televised debate, most of the TV watching population, i.e. students, had decided to vote Nick Clegg. This Nick Clegg bloke was the man from the shadows; he seized the debates to show TV-watching Britain that he merely wasn't Gordon Brown or David Cameron, giving reason enough for the Media to look up to him as a God. However, when it came to David Dimbleby's Election Night fandango, everyone who voted Nick Clegg was too busy watching Channel 4's Alternative Election Night. This was mainly because they'd found comedy more pleasing a time to waste away and avoid revision that watch David Dimbleby slowly get older behind a panel of evil people.
Amongst them was the fellow off University Challenge and Newsnight, Jeremy Paxman, who'd literally fry any half wit politician with quick fire speclation questions. In fact it was a bit like watching Loose Women except all the stuff they talked about hadn't actually happened yet.
Anyway, after the result came rocketing in, the media went mental. Across the country they plastered the headline "HUNG PARLAIMENT" in capital letters as if we were being sucked into a black hole of death and disease. All it really meant was another shot of David Dimbleby except this time broadcasted all day to the satisfaction of those who actually cared. This regrettably lasted about a week before we ended up with the weirdest coalition government any Time Lord has ever seen, never mind any human.
Nick Clegg had teamed up with Posh, aka David Cameron, to form what is essentially a Conservative Government sprinkled with Liberal Democrat dreamworlds. Both these parties have nothing in common apart from their leaders both having gone to Public Schools. However, on the bright side, it's a good day for comedy as the Conservatives spill out reasons for David Mitchell to make jokes about. Looks like those TV student voters benefited after all. Fight the power!
Don't worry, Ladies and Gents, we'll have the vote soon.
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