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In this, as well as prev chapter, I would prefer if the disease is in italics. It would seem more like she's thinking of it then.Emphysema.
There was once a time when it was just a fruit."She's innocent." Elyssa's said as she checked her Blackberry.
I would prefer it if this description was played with, to 'show' us what he looks like.Try something like "He looked seventeen, a blue-eyed blonde. He spoke with a German accent..." Well, play around.He was about17seventeen with blue eyes and blond hair. Max was German.
"It was 9:30 now." looks better to read.It was now 9:30.
A little typo. EDIT: And it's 'absentmindedly' not '-fully.'"Hmm...' She sighed absent mindfully
I think you mean shopping bag.She quickly put it in her shopping back.
Another typo.As the minutes dragged on,
Gender:
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