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Saved on the Killer Mountain- Chapter Two



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Fri May 07, 2010 10:08 pm
eab10 says...



The next morning, after getting dressed and eating, Peter walked across the street to Elijah’s house. Elijah’s mom had agreed to drive them to Atlanta when Peter’s parents had to work.

“Hi, Mrs. Telford!” Peter exclaimed as he got in the car and sat in the back seat next to Elijah.

“Good morning Peter!” she replied happily. “Are you excited about the test today?”

“Yes ma’am!”

“I’m so happy that Elijah’s getting involved in something other than academics.”

“Yeah,” Peter turns to Elijah, “Are you ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Elijah replied with a dry expression.

“Cool,” he pauses, “I wonder what the test will be. Maybe we’ll have to run miles or do pull-ups. Oh! What if we have to give measurements or something?”

Elijah pulled out a book and started to read.

“Eli, put that book away. You might get sick and not be able to participate.”

"Whatever,” Elijah set the book down.

“Well, I can’t have you throwing up because you got car sick.”

“Well, what if I like being sick?”

Elijah’s mother interrupted, “Then I’ll take you to the doctor for some kind of mental disorder.” Peter snickered.

Elijah continued, “Mom, I’m kidding.”

“I know. Peter, how’s school goin’?”

“I’m doin’ okay. The high school is still new to me, so I’m just getting’ used to everything.”

“The transition from middle to high school is a difficult time. I remember when Elijah came home on the first day of his freshman year. He was all upset and wanted to…”

“Mom!” Elijah shouted.

“Oh, I guess I’m embarrassing him. He thinks he’s so grown up, but he’ll always be my little boy!”

Peter held back a laugh. Elijah slumped over and put his head in his hands.

The rest of the car ride was quiet except for the radio. Peter had fallen asleep with his head leaned against Elijah’s shoulder, and Elijah was reading his book again. Elijah actually never got car sick once in his entire life. Reading was how he passed the time in the car though he was having difficulties concentrating on the book with Peter’s head on his shoulder. He would’ve just pushed him off, but he couldn’t find the heart to wake him up.

“Elijah,” Elijah’s mother said quietly as not to wake Peter, “we might be a little late. There’s a really bad wreck up ahead, and traffic is backed up.

“Okay,” Elijah replied without looking up from his book.

"Do you think it will be okay if the two of you are late for the physical test thing?"

"I'm sure it'll be fine. They can't blame us for traffic."

"Okay."

There they sat in the middle of stationary traffic. Peter woke up quickly when a nearby car horn went off. When he sat up, his arm hit Elijah making him drop his book on the floor of the car.

"Peter,"Elijah exclaimed, "you made me drop my book!"

"Sorry!" Peter picked up the book and handed it back to Elijah.

"Aw! I lost my place."

"Well, it wouldn't hurt to read it once more, would it?" Peter asked as he shrugged his shoulders with a nervous smile. Elijah gave Peter a brief glare before opening the book and searching for where he left off. "You know Elijah, maybe you should use a bookmark. I mean, if you would've had a bookmark in your book, you might not have lost your place. Oh! You know what? I think I have a bookmark in my Bible!" Peter searched through his bag before pulling out somewhat small Bible. "Here you go!" he pulled the bookmark with a cross on it from its place in the Bible. "Here you go! Don't worry. I'll remember where I was. And even if I don't, it wouldn't hurt for me to completely start over anyway. It never hurts to read the Bible."

"Thanks!" Elijah said as he calmly placed the bookmark in his book after he had found where he left off.

"Don't mention it! Anyway, are we there yet? It seems like it's been forever since I've used my legs or breathed the fresh air of outside, but I know it's only been maybe and hour or two. How close are we to our destination, or are we even close at all? What if we've been driving like this for days without even knowing it? Maybe aliens from another planet have secretly abducted us and made us feel like we've just been sitting in traffic? Maybe we've been hypnotized and don't even remember being abducted, and in just a few moments, the aliens are going to come down and start dissecting our brains or our legs or something! Eli, wouldn't that be cool? I mean, it'd be cool until we died because our heads were being cut open and dissected and such."

"Wow," Elijah said as he gave Peter a weird look.

"Peter," Elijah's mother said, "you have such a wild imagination."

Peter smiled and turned his head to look out the window, and Elijah went back to reading his book.Peter watched as a police man in a neon colored vest directed traffic ahead of them. The car finally moves forward a bit more, and Peter saw ambulance light just in front of them. The paramedics immediately jumped from the vehicle, pulled a stretcher out, and ran over to the wreck. They lifted a man with a bloody face up onto the stretcher and placed him gently in the back of the ambulance. Traffic began to speed up a bit to where motion was constant but slow. The car slowly passed by the wreck; Two cars are smashed together. One was on its side with many dents and scratches and, the windows of the car were smashed. There were some people standing off to the side of the overturned car. A little girl, who looked no older than maybe five years old, was hugging her mother and crying.

Peter reached over and tapped Elijah's shoulder.

"What Peter?"

"Look at those poor people. The paramedics just took a man to the hospital. I hope he's okay."

"Yeah. It's sad when things like that happen." Elijah still didn't look up from his book.

"I'm gonna pray for them tonight before I go to bed."

"Okay."

"Are you finished with that book yet? You've been reading it for a few days, and you usually read faster than that."

"I would probably be finished if someone," Elijah looked up at Peter, "wouldn't keep buggin' me."

"Oh. Sorry!" Peter looked back out the window at the passing cars.

Elijah's mother turns on her blinker and slowly moves onto the right-most lane and turned on the exit.

"Boys," Elijah's mother began, "we're in Atlanta."

Elijah placed the bookmark in his book and closed it. He looked out the window with Peter.

"Look! It's the capitol!" Peter pointed at a building with a golden dome.

Being from a small city like Covington, they rarely ever got to go to Atlanta, so it was always a site to see for them when they came.

"Boys," Elijah's mother continued, "you see that tall building over there?"

"Mom, they're all tall," Elijah pointed out.

"The one with the banner with the mountain on it is where you're going."

Peter blurted out, "Awesome!"

Their car passes by a house with a great number of people crowded in front of it.

"Mrs. Telford, why are all of those people standing in front of that house?" Peter pointed at the crowded house.

"That's a homeless shelter. All of those people standing in front of that house are homeless."

"Oh." He turned to Elijah. "I'll have to pray for them too. You know what? I think that when I get older, or maybe even right now, I'm going to start collecting money to help the homeless people. Yeah! When I get home today, I'm going to find container of some sort and start collecting change for the homeless. Yep! That's my life's ambition right now," Peter said with a wide smile.

"Good luck with that," Elijah said dryly.

"No, I'm serious! I don't think that God intended for all of them people to end up there! I'm going to make a difference and help those people. Maybe I could even ask people at the building for small donations of spare change or something."

"I'm sure a bunch of grown men are going to give you spare change because you say it's for the homeless," ELijah replied sarcastically.

"I shall laugh in your face when they do!" Peter shook his finger in Elijah's face as he spoke in a fake British accent.

"We'll see."

"We will!"

The car pulled up in front of the building. "Okay. Now Elijah, you have your cell phone, right?" Elijah nodded his head. "When they say it's about time for everyone to go home, I want you to call me, and I will come and pick you two up. Don't leave the building unless you see me waiting out here, okay?"

"Yes ma'am!" the two boys replied in unison.

"Okay. Bye boys! Have fun! Remember to call me when it's time to go!" Elijah's mother called out after them as they got out of the car and started walking up the stairs that lead up into the building.

As they walked up the stairs, the giant, red door at the top became visible. It was almost the color of blood with faint, gold accents. About a foot away from the enormous door, Peter tripped over his feet and fell on the concrete beneath their feet and hit his head against the door. Elijah, laughing up a storm, quickly helped Peter back to his feet.

"Pete, are you okay?"

Peter, holding his hand on his forehead and his head drooped said quietly, "Yeah."

Elijah glanced down and saw a red spot on the left knee of Peter's pants. "You're bleeding!" Elijah exclaimed with a hint of a laugh in his voice as he pointed down at the blood.

Peter lifts the bottom of his pants to reveal a badly scraped knee. He lifted his hand. There was a slight scrape on his forehead too, but no bodily fluids were visible. Peter looked up at Elijah, and the two burst out laughing. The door opened, which silenced the two laughing boys, and an older man, with glasses so thick you would think he was blind, poked his head out. He kindly asked in his shaky, old man voice, "Is everything okay out here? I heard a thud on the door, and I thought I would come and see what was going on."

"Oh. We apologize, sir. We were just on our way in when Peter here," Elijah motioned towards Peter, "tripped on his two left feet and fell. He hit his head on the door in the process. I hope his hard head didn't damage the door."

"Well, lad," the man looked at Peter, "are you okay? I see you have been hurt." The old man pointed at Peter's forehead.

"Yeah. I'm fine! Blood loss never hurt anybody!"

The man in the doorway gives Peter a worried look.

"We are sorry to have bothered you sir," Elijah said to the man who, after Elijah spoke, turned and walked back into the building leaving the door open for Peter and Elijah. When the man was no longer in ear shot, Elijah slapped Peter on the back of the head. "You idiot! Blood loss never hurt anybody? Really? That man probably thought you were retarded or somethin'!"

"Well, I'm sorry! Gosh! I mean, he's just some old loon! What right does he have to make any assumption about either of us when he doesn't even know us?" Peter began rolling his pants leg back down. "I would say we were down right polite to that man, so any first impression he has of us should be that we are two polite young gentlemen." Peter stood straight up.

"I guess you're right." Elijah looked at the open door. "Maybe we should go inside. I mean, for one thing, we are letting all of the air conditioning out, and we're letting a bunch of bugs in too."

"Wait! Did you just say that I," he pointed at himself, "am right? Did the all-knowing Elijah really admit that the inferior Peter is right?"

"Oh just shut up! Come on!" Elijah started walking into the building.

"Fine. I'm just sayin',"

Elijah cut him off, "You know what? I'm tired of you just sayin' stuff."

The two continued their bicker as they walked through the large doors to find a large room filled with men of all shapes and sizes.

"Wow," Peter said in awe of the massive mob of people.

"I know, right?" Elijah spoke after Peter.

A voice rang out from the intercom, "The following men need to report to the ninth floor to be tested: Shane Masters, Paul Thompson, Mathew Smith, Dylan Johnson, Peter Auchinleck..."

They stopped listening after they heard Peter's name called.

"Well, I guess I'm off." Peter patted Elijah's shoulder before walking off with the rest of the men that were called. He was trying to be all dramatic, and it was almost working, until he stumbled on his feet again. He quickly caught himself, so he didn't completely fall, but it ruined the entire moment. Elijah snickered to himself at his clumsy friend. After Peter got on the elevator, Elijah walked over to a crowd of men and began to chat with them.

On the ninth floor, Peter sat in a small waiting area with nine other men. A woman in a nurse's outfit walks out of a small room. "Peter Auchinleck," she said as she waited in the doorway.

"Ma'am?" Peter looked up.

"Come with me for your test," The nurse said with a sweet voice when she saw that he was just a child.

Peter got a nervous smile on his face. He wanted to do the test, but he didn't really want to be the first one. Being first had never been his thing.

The nurse followed him into the room and closed the door behind her."Peter," she began.

"Yes?"

"How old are you?"

"I'm fourteen. You?" He smiled jokingly.

"Nice try. You were the only one in the building that we didn't have an age for," she paused as she typed something on the computer that was on the table in the corner of the small room.

"Okay. So, what do I do now?"

"Well, first of all, I need some medical information before you can start anything."

"Did my mom skip over everything on the registration sheet?"

"No," the young nurse giggled, "medical information wasn't on the registration form."

"Oh. Okay! Cool. So," Peter paused for effect, "what do you want to know?" Peter leaned against the wall trying to act cool. His foot slipped, and he fell straight on the floor. The nurse giggled.

"Ow," he said dryly. The nurse gave him her hand and helped him stand. "Thanks," he pauses to read her nametag, "Mrs. Vivian."

"It's Ms. Vivian," she corrected him, "I'm not married."

"Well, I'm single. We could get together sometime," Peter said jokingly once more.

She laughed understanding that he was just kidding around, "I'm much too old for you, but if you were my age, or I was yours, then maybe. You've got a cute little personality there."

"Well thank you. Thank you very much," he did a bad Elvis impression. The nurse smiled and shook her head.

"Anyway, I need to know if you have any allergies," she said while trying to calm her laughing.

"Yes, ma'am, I do. I'm allergic to dogs."

"Okay, and do you have any special medical needs like asthma or diabetes?"

"Nope."

"Okay. Now, I have to weigh you."

"Okay."

"You are going to have to remove your clothes so we will have a more accurate weight."

"Aw!" he paused, "Well, if you insist." He began to take his shirt off.

"Oh! Please leave your underwear on," Vivian added before he had completely removed his shirt.

"Could you not watch me undress? I don't like to be watched when I take my clothes off."

"Okay." Vivian turned to face the wall.

After a few more seconds, he gave her the okay to turn around. "Now step on the scale in the corner." Vivian pointed.

Peter walked over and stepped on it, and Vivian walked over to look at the number.

"You know," Peter began, "I feel very awkward standing here in my boxers with you hovering over my shoulder."

"The feeling is mutual, Peter," she looked at the scale, "One hundred twenty-three pounds. You're weight is healthy. Now go put you clothes back on."

"Well," Peter said as he put his shirt on over his head, "what's next, doc?"

"I'll need to measure your height."

"Well," he paused as he slipped a leg into his pants, "that doesn't require me to do anything weird like the weight, right?"

"No. You just can't wear anything on your feet."

"Fine with me, but I do have one question." He finished putting his pants on and zipped them up.

"And what would that be?" she asked as she typed his weight into the computer.

"It's really irrelevant though."

"So, what's the question, Peter?"

"What's your favorite color? I had to write this paper for class, and I had issues thinking about what my favorite color is," he looked over giving her direct eye contact.

"You have really pretty blue eyes," she pointed out, "My favorite color is and always has been yellow. It's a very cheerful color."

"Thanks! I put orange down as my favorite color. Orange and yellow are similar. They are like cousins or something in the color world."

"Okay. Now stand here while I measure your height."

"Okay!"

"Five feet and six inches. Congratulations! You're completely normal, or at least you are physically."

"Very funny," he commented sarcastically. "Anything else you need?"

"No. I'm finished with you.

"Okay. Well, it was nice meeting you!" He began to open the door.

"Not so fast!" she snapped at him.

"I thought you were through with me!"

"I still need to discuss some things with you."

"Aw! Wait. What kind of things?" he said as he took a seat in the chair next to nurse Vivian.

"Since you are still of school age, you are going to have to bring in a copy of your transcripts."

"Why?"

"Being a part of these exams for the expedition will cause you to miss quite a bit of school. If your grades all already slipping, you don't need to miss school. If you have any grades lower than a B in any class, than you can't continue coming to these tests."

"Aw! But I'm not smart like Elijah! I'm probably going to fail language arts because I'm an idiot! I'm going to turn all emo and be depressed all the time." He slumped down in his chair.

"Oh," she patted his head, "I'm sure you'll be okay. You'll just have to be patient and work harder in school." She paused. "Who's Elijah?"

"He's my friends who signed up with me. He's out in the lobby waiting to be called up here. He's not very open like I am. He's very quiet, and somewhat depressing to be around, but he's cool. He likes to read a lot, and he gets mad, especially at me, when you distract him from his book."

"He sounds interesting. I'll have to tell him I met you when he comes up here. What's his last name?"

"Telford. Elijah Telford," he said mocking James Bond. Vivian giggled.

"Peter, you're a character."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You've got yourself a funky little personality there."

"Didn't you already say that?"

"Yes, but it needed to be emphasized."


"Do you think I act retarded? Elijah said that I act retarded. What do you think?"

"You're just young and full of energy."

"See! I'll have to tell him that, and I know you're right because your old and know more stuff than he does!"

"I'm not that old!" she retorted.

"Oh. Sorry! I'm sort of rude, but you still love me, right?"

"I never loved you. You just amused me."

"I count that as love!" he said enthusiastically with a wide smile.

"Sure."

"Yes!" he jumped up from his chair.

"Okay, now you can go. You need to go to the second floor, That's where the actual physical test is." She stood and followed him to the door so she could call in the next person. "Wait, Peter!" she called after him.

He turned. "What?"

"You left your shoes." She pointed at his shoes sitting next to the desk in the room.

"You're just using my shoes as an excuse for me to come back," he said cheerfully as he walked in the room, grabbed his shoes, and started back out of the waiting area.

She shook her head with a slight grin painted on her face. "Mathew Smith," she called. A man, with a long beard and large eyebrows, stood up from his seat and walked into the office with nurse Vivian.
Last edited by eab10 on Tue May 18, 2010 9:35 pm, edited 3 times in total.
"A stranger in a strange land" ~ Exodus 2:22
  





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Sun May 09, 2010 4:33 am
JustisMarez says...



Lol. I liked this. It was funny.
Comments in red

"Peter, are you okay?"

Peter, holding his hand on his forehead and his head drooped said quietly, "Yeah." Lol, nice one Peter.


"We are sorry to have bothered you sir," Elijah said to the man who, after Elijah spoke, turned and walked back into the building leaving the door open for Peter and Elijah. When the man was no longer in ear shot, Elijah slapped Peter on the back of the head. "You idiot! Blood loss never hurt anybody? Really? That man probably thought you were retarded or somethin'!"

Peace, love, and pudding. <3
  





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Sun May 09, 2010 2:35 pm
eab10 says...



I fixed the missing quotation mark, but I think Elijah was just calling Peter, Pete like Peter calls him Eli.
"A stranger in a strange land" ~ Exodus 2:22
  





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Wed May 26, 2010 9:22 pm
Tenyo says...



Haha! I like this a lot :D

At first I was thinking this story was a little too preachy. As I continued reading though I found it quite refreshing. Because of political correctiveness, fear of offending or fear of being offended, there aren't that many people who are happy to write so openly about any one particular religion. Actually, this is the first of its kind that I've read.

I really like the characters and their relationship. They're both independent figures but still seem to lean on eachother quite a lot. They seem like the kind of characters that just have to come in pairs.

Of course, this is a critique, so I've got to find something to be critical about...

The speech. I know I said this in the last review, and in this chapter there seems to be proportionately less, but still too much. Maybe you could cut out some of the parts that aren't completely relevent. Turn some outward remarks into inner thoughts, and express things in other ways than speech.

That said, on to chapter three :)
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Tue Jun 01, 2010 1:45 am
ultraviolet says...



I kind of like the speech. On Peter's part. Maybe you could have people ignore him sometimes, because eventually you learn to tune out mindless babble, even though I haven't quite reached that level with my sister. ;)

Like I said before, I like Peter. :) He seems awesome. So far this is seeming fairly realistic, as far as... yeah, I don't know where I was going with this.... lol XD

Anyways, good work, nice job, all that cool stuff.
"Blah blah blah. You feel trapped in your life. Here is what I am hearing: happiness isn't worth any inconvenience."

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Thu Nov 25, 2010 9:09 pm
purplepen says...



Aw! Peter's so cute when he's trying to flirt! I found this chapter to be verry interseting. Keep up the good work! haha! :)
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
~Joshua 24:15

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