Young Writers Society

A memoir I wrote for my english class.
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I could see the see the Wild from the house. It stood there, looming, breathing, listening. It was always alive. It was waiting.
The sun blazed overhead as I stood by the water with my feet in the grass. It was not overpoweringly hot, but the heat still battled with my skin. We would soon be going out on the water, an excuse to leave the dreaded heat. My brother came up with the idea of starting up the small boat, he always loved to be around the water just like the rest of my family.
I walked down the dock in silence, my bare feet feeling the smooth texture of the gray, hardened wood. I effortlessly hopped in the boat and sat down. The engine started with a snap. My brother, Drew, stood at the wheel, his skin tanned and cracked. I squinted at the sharp sunlight intruding my vision. Sunglasses hardly made a difference.
We continued our journey down the river, the large lake-like opening turning into a narrow curve. I soon became aware of the growing humidity and I drifted my hand through the murky brown water as it sifted through the jello as it rippled and I could feel the life and heat and the smell of the kill and the fear of all that’s out there. It was life.
Green stood out more than anything else. It was in the trees, it was in the water. It was in the life. Plants surrounded us, mostly palm trees with long, brown trunks. The animals could be seen all around, curiously glancing at us. Occasionally we would see a blue heron, majestically sitting on a fallen tree branch.
There were always fish. You could find them darting along through the water, there were always plenty of snook swimming around. They weren’t good to eat but other creatures took care of them. At night, when you went outside by the dock, you could put on the light and stand still. When you slid over the wood and looked over the edge, you could see them all slithering just a couple of inches underneath the water’s skin. When they saw your shadow they would swim
away, but if you stood there still and long enough, you could become part of the school. If you threw in some food- a french fry, some bait, they would flock to it to feed. There they would go, disappearing beneath the water to find the food.
My head snapped up, alert, as I heard a long bird’s cry. When I looked up I saw the majestic winged bird, a large predator hawk. Every creature had to fight for survival, everyone had someone to fight for. The hawk carried a fish in its mouth, and I watched it pound it wings as it landed on its nest. Its home was large, noticeable from far away. I let the bird carry on with its life as the boat traveled further down the river.
Instead my eyes focused on something sticking out of the water. I paused. Was it an alligator? I strained my eyes further, realizing that it was just another branch fallen into the ecosystem of the Florida jungle. I peered into the sweet-sticky water, some insects hovering around the water’s surface. One buzzed around and landed on my leg, and I squashed the tiny being into a pile of brown goo. I stuck my hand in the water in an attempt to clean it off.
Drew slowed the boat down into almost no speed in an instant. I looked around and then stared ahead. We were all looking at the same thing, a monstrous, leather skinned beast hardly 20 feet away. We all stared in awe at its beauty, at its power. None of us would dare to move any closer, knowing its power. The alligator did not seem to mind us, or even notice. It just sat there, still as a log.
My dad pulled out his cell phone and snapped a picture. Sure, we had seen alligators on the water before, but never one this large or as powerful. It was long, it was frightening.
The creature was fully out of the water, sitting dry on a rock. From its tail to its teeth could have been ten or 11 feet, not even full grown. A drip of sweat rolled down my neck, reminding me of the sun overhead. We let the creature rest, my brother slowly turning around as the rest of us made remarks about its size.
As the boat turned around and we headed back to the house, the image still hovered in my
mind. We hit the dock and I stepped off, realizing that it was still morning and we still had a whole day
ahead of us.

So, I really liked the imagery in this piece, especially the bit about squishing the bug, not sure why but that detail really spoke to me .
The only real issue I can see is that it goes in and out of tense in places. For example,

There were always fish. You can find them darting along through the water...

. 'Were' is past tense, whereas 'can' is present. It's easy to miss mistakes in tense but it really does make a big difference if it's kept consistent or not. Other than that, props .

I just have to say that it is a very good read! I mean you placed a lot of imagery in, like Biffle said above, that I could see practically everything with every word written.

It's not very long but neither is it very short, and it makes it easier as the reviewer to do a better look see. I'd also like to comment on your tenses. You often flicker through past to present which is rather confusing. I know I do it myself and it is really hard, but I reckon you should fix that up.

With the overall plot idea, I think this is really interesting. The way you spun this story made me captivated with every sentence. There was no dull parts to this peice! The title also caught my eye and well I like reading about stories such as this!

Keep on writing,
Kudos Apple.