Silver Blade Chapter Two

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Chapter Two
Rhyas

Here is the link to Chapter One-Part Three: topic57250.html

I read the letter; it very nearly broke my heart. I read it again and again and I still could only think of one reason why Arithal would leave, North Wind. I drew my bow and arrow and walked into North Wind’s room.

“She’s gone.” I said.

He stared dumbfound, “What do you mean she’s gone, is she dead?”

I said, “She might as well be, she left us because of how hard on her you were yesterday.” North Wind strode past me, into her room. Her bed was empty.

“How do you know she just didn’t go to market?” he inquired. I reluctantly showed him the note.

“I am going after her, no questions.” I said. I went outside. I did not know where she would go, but I doubted she would go into enemy territory, so I headed in the direction of Gyssarnith.

I rode for only a day, for the passage was short, before I arrived at Gyssarnith. I walked into the small village, and people stared, for I wore the cloths of the enemy. Before I could say anything, two strong looking elves came up to me. By one I was tossed from my horse, the other bound my hands. With no questions asked I was lead to a castle. The palace was grand, I must admit, but it made me long for my friend and companion, Silver Blade.

The guard each held fast to one arm, but it was useless. Even if I wasn’t bound, I would have not the spirit to run. I thought only of Silver Blade. Soon they reached a heavy looking, wooden door. The door was opened, and I was lead into darkness, I tripped several times, for I had little night vision. I heard a door shut, and I was put into darkness, then nothing.

How much time passed, I didn’t know, it could have been weeks, or months. I survived it, solely, for the love of Arithal. It may have been only an hour later, but eventually food was brought down. Unfortunately, I dropped the tray due to quaking hands, and when I asked for another, I was strongly refused, with a hard shove, which brought me pain in the shoulder as I slammed into something hard.

I soon lost feeling in the shoulder, but was to sick from lack of food to care. Then one day a guard came for me, and I was lead back through the walls of the palace.

Soon I stood before the queen, and a sorry sight I was, with my hair a mess, and dirty, for I hadn’t bathed since I went down there.

The queen’s words were gentle, but firm, “State your name, Kingdom and Skill.”

“My name is Rhyas of Gyssmitor, I am a messenger to the tyrant king, and I excel in sword and bow skill.” She nodded.

Then she asked, “Please tell me, traitor, how did you come to be here?’

I sighed, “My explanation will be long, forgive me, but you wouldn’t understand any other way. I was requested, by the tyrant king, to deliver a message to a person in Arkenia. Now, this had gone and been done many times, but this time was different. I carried only a bow and a few arrows, but no horse. As I went to travel to Arkenia, on the road I was attacked by trolls, outnumbered seven-to-one. I managed to kill two, but the rest captured me, and I was dragged to their underground lair.” The queen let out a slight gasp, and I continued.

“The torture I was given, I will spare you of, but I still have not fully recovered. My magic was lessened to the point where I can no longer use magic, though no one else knows this. But in the dungeon, a dying fairy lay, and she gave me a small bottle. In it contained wine, in mixed with a sleeping drought. The trolls, greedy as they were, were more than eager to try the ‘wine of the gods’.”

“After releasing me so that I could give them the bottle in an ‘honorable way’ they fell asleep from the draught. I was able to escape, powerless from that stink hole and get to the Fox and Hound inn, where I met the beauty Silver Blade. At first we told only lies to each other, but after I recognized her by her wear, she opened up to me, and we began to travel together. But her horse went into the worst type of frenzy, and she suffered a blow to the back of her head. Back at a different inn, she mended to a healthy status. After a rage poured on her by North Wind, she left. Thinking she might come back here, I traveled here, only to be attacked and bound. That is my tale.”

The queen sat back in her chair, thinking. Then she smiled at me, “Companion to Silver Blade, if all is true you said, then you have been treated unjustly, and I apologize. The guards will show you to a bathing chamber, and I will have someone bring you fresh clothes, while I decide what to do with you.” A servant came in, and I was lead away.

I was lead to a small room with a tub of water in the middle. I stepped in, and bathed my wounds, slowly, for they hurt. Soon a fresh bit of cloths was brought in, and I changed into them, and then walked back to the throne room.

The queen said to me, “If you indeed are a friend to Silver Blade, go and find her. Bring her back, and there will be something in it for you.”

“There is nothing I want more,” I said, “then to see Arithal.”

“Very well,” the queen said, “then go get a horse and find her. Knowing Silver Blade, she probably went to the woods, good luck.”

I bowed, and walked to the magnificent courtyard, where a fine horse sat, tied to a post. I untied its reigns, and got on. The horse slanted one ear back; it started a slow walk through the village.

Soon we were out of Gyssmitor. I sped the horse to a canter, heading for the woods right outside where the Fox and Hound was. I was confident nothing would stop me. I arrived at the Fox and hound inn. I checked in, and gave the inn keeper my money. She smiled her thanks, and I was led up to a small, humble room. I put my hands in my head, and sighed. I had a long journey ahead of me. Who knows how long I was in prison, and how far Arithal was. But it didn’t matter, I would find her.

I found myself wondering, where in the world was Simketh right now, and was he okay? Then I remembered what he did to Arithal, and regretted the second thought. Actually, I wouldn’t care if trolls got him, as long as it didn’t affect me. Quite frankly, I hope they did, it would teach him a well learned lesson. I walked down the stairs, and who would be there, but North Wind himself. I curled my lip back and drew my bow and arrow. Simketh saw this, and walked up to me.

“There is no need for violence.” He whispered.

“I see a need. While Arithal could be out there dead, you sit here, not even doing what your queen asked you.” I said, grinding my teeth.

“You do not know she is dead, and don’t you think I would be going after her if I rightly could. Unfortunately I have suffered a blow to the right arm, and therefore cannot fight if attacked.” He said, pulling back a sleeve to reveal a wound.

“Use your magic and heal it, you are a warrior after all, this should be simple for you.”I said.

“Why don’t you?” he asked, sneering.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Nor did you answer mine.” We stared at each other the longest time. He drew his sword, slowly, but with confidence.

“Try me.” I said. As was custom, I made the first move, but he had a shield and blocked my arrow easily.

“You’re not going to win with sticks.” He taunted. I looked at him. I looked on the wall, two swords lay crossed over the fireplace. I went and grabbed one.

“Now we fight fair.” I said. Each blow the other blocked, we both knew one slip up could be the end.

“You’re not much without Arithal.” I said. He frowned, and aimed the sword at me, it would have killed me too, but something, or someone, came between me and him. But I never saw what it was, I had already blacked out. I woke up in my room a short while later. A nurse was in the room.

She said to me, “You’re lucky that elf stepped in, she’s very pretty, and might I add. If it wasn’t for her, you’d be dead, or a lot worse than the few scratches you got.”

“Wait, what elf?” I asked.

“Uh, let me see, how to put it. Well, she had silver-blonde hair, blue eyes, and her sword skill was sharp as ever. With a nice sword like that, it’s no wonder she had the other guy down in a second.”

“Arithal,” I whispered.

“Well, is that her name, she never said. She just pinned the other guy down, then left. Didn’t kill him, though.” I lay down and thought, about what this meant. Maybe Arithal was alive, but this could just be someone similar. She had been there, and I knew it. So close, but she never spoke to me. But now I would have to find her again.

I set out the next day, as recommended, to the forest. The horse, as good as it was, was uneasy in the woods for reasons I didn’t know. I rested it by a steam of water, and it drank thirstily. I took the pouch from beside me and took a sip, not trusting the safety of the water.

I looked around me, the leaves slowly blew around with the wind and the sun was shining its happy tune. I sat down on a log, and soaked in the warm sun.


Then, out of the woods stepped a dwarf. Dwarfs, despite reputation, were actually only about half a foot shorter that the average human. Now, I was not concerned, until five more stepped out. One I could handle, but six I could not. They had me tied up without a struggle, which would only end up with blood loss and weakness, two things I didn’t need.

“Take the horse too.” One said. The other grunted a reply I didn’t catch. As they forced me to walk, I thought about what had happened to Arithal. She probably had found another guy and gone off with him; the thought almost brought me to tears.

“Move faster,” A dwarf grunted at me. I stepped up my pace. A dwarf tripped me, and the rest laughed. The leader took a bow from my bag, “Very nice,” he commented, “Elvin made, this will fetch a good price at the market after we kill you.” I thought to myself, why couldn’t all races get along, instead of just humans and elves? We walked for the rest of the day. We stopped at a creek, and while they forced me to make them camp, they killed my horse for food.

“He’s almost as obedient as the other girl we picked up yesterday.” One said.

“Nah, she was much feistier, did you see the fire in her eyes as she swung that blade. She killed Htunath and Durthanath.” The other replied.

“But once Gynathath brought out the whip she was tamed in a second.” He smiled and evil, sinister smile.

I hoped I was imagining what I was hearing, they must have gotten Arithal.

“Nearly killed the wretch with that whip, he did; took all the fire right out of her.” One grunted.

I wanted to say something, but at the same time wanted to hear her fate.

“Still in the dungeon, I think.” Another said.

They went on to talk about other things of little interest to me, and I fell asleep on the forest floor.

I was awoken by a hard kick on the shoulder, and picked up with rough hands.

“Get up boy, we must move on.” We walked again, this time towards a small cave. When we got there, the leader dwarf muttered a few words, then the cave opened up, and we marched below. I was lead through a seemingly endless cavern with many stone doors. The leader finally opened one, and shoved me inside. I heard the click of a lock being locked, and then nothing.

I heard a shuffle nearby, and thought, rats! But I realized the noise was too loud for rats,
“Who’s there?” I asked, hesitantly.

“Fisae,” a weak, staggered, voice answered.

“Arithal?” I asked in partial delight.

“Oh, is that you, Rhyas. I thought I would never see you again; I have been down here so long, but maybe it was only a day. I missed you so much, but how did you come to be down here?” she still sounded weak.

“Arithal, I have missed you more than you know. But, despite your letter, I did come looking for you. The demons got to me, and now we are both here.” I found her in the darkness, and hugged her I felt tears on my shoulder. As I touched her back, I felt something wet, blood!

“Why do you cry?” I asked.

“For we will both be killed here, or die of starvation. Don’t you see, Rhyas, they took Bael Avel; I have nothing. Wait, you can use your magic, I can’t, because I have little, and not enough strength, but you can.”

“I have no magic, it was taken.” I told her.

“So we will die.” She said.

“Do not yet give up hope.” I told her.

“I have no choice. Many die from the dwarf’s cruel hand.” I thought, only for a minute.

“How often are we fed?’ I asked.

“I do not know; time passes so slowly.”

“Well, if we can restore your strength, you can use magic to escape and break the lock.”

Then two large, ugly dwarfs came in. One followed after the other. They looked at Arithal. “Fisae, you are of no use to us here. You shall at least make yourself and your friend useful and work for us.” She nodded quickly, and I knew why. Our choices were work or die.

We were led out of the room. Now I saw her in the light, there was a long blood line across her shoulder blade. As she turned around to face me, I saw one on her face, along her cheek and down her neck. Not bleeding but red. I opened my mouth to say something, but she shook her head no.


A dwarf caught her looking at me, and violently slapped her across the face. She didn’t turn around again.

We were led to a room. In it was a dwarf, prettier than most. She looked young, maybe a year or two younger than me, but I hated her all the same. The dwarf who led us here said, “Frisatha, your new workers.” She looked us over.

“The girl will be good for sewing; the boy can deliver the clothes to our customers.” Her voice was gentle, kind almost.

The guard grumbled and left. She looked us over again. “You will need new clothes; I will give the girl the cloth to make it.”

She went to the back and got out two rolls of brown cloth. “You may work on it in your spare time. But first I have two questions: What is your name, and can you sew?”

Arithal spoke clearly, “My name is Fisae, I can sew well by Elvin standards.”

“And fine standards those are, I will show you to your room.” She led us up a flight of stairs. Through a door was a room with two small cots, two blankets, and two pillows. “Your rooms.” She said.

She led us back downstairs. She handed Arithal a piece of paper. “Start on this, small stitch, blue and red cloth, size 4. She handed me a bundle. Take this to house 334, there all numbered and in order, I hope you can read.” Arithal went to were the cloth was, and I left the room.

It seemed like we were in a big house, for instead of everyone having a separate home, there were only doors carved in the stone. Each door led to a multitude of rooms, and that’s how everyone lived. O went up to door 334. I knocked on the door. A dwarf came, looked at the package in my hand, took it, grunted, and tossed a few coins at me. I scrambled to pick them up.

I went back to the shop. “What are the coins for?” I asked. Frisatha smiled.

“They are a tip, and all you will have to buy food.” Now deliver this package. As I walked through the halls, all I got was hateful, evil, stares. The day, and each consecutive day after that seemed the same; yet life continued.
Love is beautiful, but what would love be without life?




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I really like it. I'm not going to nit-pick because I'm not very good at it. I've read what you've put up so far and I can't wait for you to post more. I think your story has real potential and if I saw it in a shop/library I would pick it up and read it.
Can you please pm me when you post more?
Like I said I like it. :elephant:
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
A wise man does not need advice and a fool won't take it.


Growing old is mandatory,
Growing up is optional.


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Hey Kaywiia...I am (finally) here to give you that review. I'm so sorry it's taken so long. I'll put any small or grammar corrections in red on the quotes, and non-grammar related queries/suggestions I'll comment on below the quotes :D

I'm sorry, this is probably going to be extremely long, but I'm only trying to help :D

I read it again and again and I still could only think of one reason why Arithal would leave; North Wind.


He stared, dumbfounded. “What do you mean 'she’s gone'? Is she dead?”

Quite a few grammatical errors here. Watch out for similar ones later on to get them out of your system :)

I said, “She might as well be, she left us because of how hard on her you were yesterday.” North Wind strode past me, into her room. Her bed was empty.

Okay, there's really no need to have the 'I said,' before this sentence.
That comma after 'past me' shouldn't be there.
And I'm presuming the room North Wind strode into was Arithal's room, right? If it is just say Arithal's room, otherwise it sounds like North Wind is a girl, and going into 'her' room.


“I am going after her, no questions.” I said and went outside. I did not know where she would go, but I doubted she would go into enemy territory, so I headed in the direction of Gyssarnith.

I added the 'and' because it makes it flow better. Short, choppy sentences are hard to read, just like extremely long ones are too.
The repetition of the word go doesn't sound good. Why not try: I did not know where she would go, but I doubted she it was near enemy territory, so I headed in the direction of Gyssarnith.


The guard each held fast to one arm, but it was useless.

This sentence doesn't really makes any sense. Do you mean held hard or grabbed his arms fast? Please clarify.
And I don't think the world 'useless' is right here. Do you not mean something more along the lines of pointless, because he wouldn't have fought them off anyway?


The door was opened, and I was lead into darkness. I tripped several times, for I had little night vision. I heard a door shut, and I was put into darkness, then nothing.

Find a synonym for one of the underlined words? The repetition here doesn't sound good, and there are many words that could replace one of them :)

with a hard shove, which brought me pain in the shoulder as I slammed into something hard.

The underlined words are what bug me. It's just so impersonal. Brought me pain? If you were shoved into a wall wouldn't you be thinking something a little more violent than 'this is bringing me pain'? Just think about it :wink:

I soon lost feeling in the shoulder, but was too sick from lack of food to care.


“Please tell me, traitor, how did you come to be here?"

Why would the queen be courteous? He's the enemy right? Drop the please or give a reason for why she would treat him with undeserved kindness. Please :D

Soon a fresh bit of cloths was brought in, and I changed into them, and then walked back to the throne room.

A fresh bit of cloths? That doesn't really make much sense... How about: Soon fresh cloths were brought in, or, Soon clean cloths were brought in?
Also, the repetition of the and doesn't sound good. maybe try dropping the first one? :)


The horse slanted one ear back; it started a slow walk through the village.

The semicolon doesn't work here, so I'd either replace it with and or a period

I arrived at the Fox and hound inn.

This should be a new paragraph.

Quite frankly, I hope they did, it would teach him a well learned lesson

I believe the expression is a well earned lesson...

“You didn’t answer my question.”

There wasn't ever really a question. It was more like an accusatory statement...

I looked at him. I looked on the wall, two swords lay crossed over the fireplace.

Once again the repetition isn't working. There are loads of words to replace them.

“You’re lucky that elf stepped in, she’s very pretty, and might I add. If it wasn’t for her, you’d be dead, or a lot worse than the few scratches you got.”

If you're going to 'add' something, you do it at the end of your statement. It's quite off putting that the statement of her prettiness is in the middle of one thought, i.e. the 'you're so lucky you're not dead' thing. Add the pretty statement at the end :D

I lay down and thought, about what this meant.

Comma isn't necessary.

Maybe Arithal was alive, but this could just be someone similar. She had been there, and I knew it.

Here you have two contradicting thoughts without any sort of bridge between the two. he goes from doubting it was Arithal who was there to being absolutely certain in a blink of an eye. There needs to be some middle thought that makes him certain it was her.

I looked around me. The leaves slowly blew around with the wind and the sun was shining its happy tune.


They had me tied up without a struggle, which would only end up with blood loss and weakness, two things I didn’t need.

This dude gets tied up a lot, doesn't he? :D

She probably had found another guy and gone off with him; the thought almost brought me to tears.

I doubt they said the word 'guy' in the period you're writing in.

A dwarf grunted at me. I stepped up my pace. A dwarf tripped me, and the rest laughed.

Repetition again. Maybe change the second underlined phrase to 'One of them'?

they killed my horse for food.

Eww! :shock: That's really good. I can see that happening, but poor horsey :cry:

“Nah, she was much feistier. Did you see the fire in her eyes as she swung that blade? She killed Htunath and Durthanath.”

Okay, once the grammar is fixed this is an amazing sentence. Great imagery. I can see the anger here like it's a movie or something :D

I hoped I was imagining what I was hearing. They must have gotten Arithal.


I heard the click of a lock being locked, and then nothing.

This is exactly what Rhyas said the first time he was imprisoned...I think you should change that.

“Arithal?” I asked in partial delight.

Why only partial delight? He loves her, doesn't he? And he's been going through all this hell to find her, right? :D

I have been down here so long, but maybe it was only a day.

This is out of context and Rhyas said the exact same thing when he was imprisoned.

she still sounded weak.

Why would he expect her so stop sounding weak? Kind of pointless, don't you think?

“So we will die.” She said.

She doesn't sound very disappointed...

“I have no choice. Many die from the dwarf’s cruel hand.” I thought, only for a minute.

This sentence makes it sound like this is what Rhyas is thinking. Why is the end bit after Arithal speaking even necessary? it doesn't contribute to the story, and it's disorientating.

Now I saw her in the light, there was a long blood line across her shoulder blade

A blood line is a family line, like your ancestors. Maybe just make it bloody line?

I opened my mouth to say something, but she shook her head no.

i think we all know what shaking our head means :wink: There's no need to say no.

A dwarf caught her looking at me, and violently slapped her across the face. She didn’t turn around again.

This shouldn't be a new paragraph.

“My name is Fisae, I can sew well by Elvin standards.”

This either needs to have an 'and' or be a new sentence.

“Start on this, small stitch, blue and red cloth, size 4.

Size 4? First of all it should be four, not 4, and I'm pretty sure they didn't have numbered sizes this many years ago.

I went up to door 334. I knocked on the door.

This should be a new paragraph and the repetition of I sound very sloppy. How about just shove an and in there and forget the I? :D

“They are a tip, and all you will have to buy food. Now deliver this package."


Characters
Your characters aren't as defined as they could be. I don't really feel any sort of sympathy or Rhyas, and I'm not connecting with him at all. This is a huge problem, but seriously, it's so easily fixed. You just need to explain how he's feeling every once in a while. There's so much action that he's just sort of getting lost in it. The dwarfs have more character than he does.
That being said, you have created wonderful names for them all. They're beautiful :D

Repetition
As you can see from my nitpicks, you have quite a few places where you have repeated the same word right next to each other. It's so off putting and you can find these errors yourself.
A good tip for finding instances similar to this is reading your work out loud, like you would in class. With expression and pace, and all that. I promise you, when it isn't fluid or you've repeated something, it sticks out like a sore thumb.

Plot
Your plot is good. You have some great adventure in there, as well as fantasy. All i have to say is why not create a new race? We all know about dwarfs, elves and men. That's so Lord of the Rings. Spice it up a little :D
One more thing. It's a little fast-paced. I'm thinking break this whole thing up into two chapters maybe? Just to slow things down and make it seem like more time has passed.

Diction
You could have a few bigger words in here. You're writing in a time long ago, and I think you could make it a little harder to interpret.
There are a few places where you've slipped up with the appropriate terminology for the period. I've pointed some places out, but you can find them yourself. That whole reading out loud helps for this as well.

Anyway...This took me like an hour and a half, so I'm going to stop now. I really hope I've helped :D

~^~Xirenia~^~
We're young, open flowers in the windy fields of this war-torn world - Mumford & Sons



I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.
— Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest