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Igneous Rock Ch.1 Part.2



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Sun Jan 10, 2010 10:24 pm
narniafreak12 says...



My eyes scan the ground looking for signs of someone passing through the woods. Broken branches, flattened grass, and rustled leaves lead my way. The soft imprint of bare feet in the ground shows me that this person was running.

The forest is dim; the moon’s shine only slightly trickles in through the trees. However, darkness doesn't hinder my ability to see. In fact, sometimes it's almost as if I can see better. Details that go amiss often stick out in my line of sight.

I run a sharp corner and smack into a tree. I slip backwards, trying to gain my footing. My feet falter beneath me. A grunt escapes my lips as I fall on to my bottom. I sit there, gritting my teeth at my clumsiness. I should have seen that tree. I get up and brush off my pajama pants. I stare at the tree. In a weird way it seems familiar, yet I know I’ve never gone this far into the woods before.

Shaking the thought from my head, I go around it. I freeze at what I see. The tree resembles someone I used to know; one of the girls from the doctor’s house. It's Ever, short for Evergreen. The tree is gnarled into something that appears to be a body. The two branches are strung out like arms, with small spindly twigs jutting out like fingers. Her face is imprinted into the front of the tree, eyes wide and mouth open in an O shape. It's almost as if she was frozen screaming. Even the bark is the color of her nut-brown hair.

I remember her ability. She could manipulate plant-life, sometimes even changing herself into plants. This is terribly wrong. Something had frozen her into her changing state.

My hands clap over my mouth before I scream. Backing away towards the way I came, I peel my eyes from Ever's face. I look past her—the tree, and see a body lying in the grass.

His dark, bluish hair tells me right away who it is. Zapp, the boy who could control any type of electricity, even lightning. Blood stains his white shirt into a dark brown color. I know he’s alive, because his heartbeat still radiates out to my ears. He must have been the figure I saw; the blue light giving his power away. Then I remember.

Zapp and Ever had been best friends, similar to Dom and me. Only they were a few years older, and kids at school used to make fun of them. I remember countless times they had come home flushed and angry at each other. Then a few hours later they were having fun playing hide and seek or wrestling around down the halls.

My chest tightens, and tears well up in my eyes. I have to help him. I take a step out into the clearing. I stop when a group of men emerge from the other side of the small clearing. I scoot behind the tree which is now my former friend. I peer around her branches.

The men are big and burly. They wear red uniforms that show off their muscular frame. Each one walks with a small limp to their left leg. Their large, calloused hands hold guns and knives, and their belts are filled with an assortment of other weapons.

I swallow hard, my pulse racing. They approach Zapp’s body. One bends down stiffly. His eyes flash towards me. I cringe but try to hold very still. He looks back down, but I still saw his eyes. They are black with no iris of colors. There is no feeling behind those eyes. The moonlight gives their pale skin a white glow. One of the men off to the side cranes his neck to the right. His shaggy hair falls back to reveal a large stitched scar across his temple.

Concentrating, I tune my hearing for any new sounds. I hear Zapp’s beating heart; it’s still trying to sustain life. There’s another fainter beat, that I assume must be my own. The men have no heartbeat; there is no blood running through their veins.

A white blur enters the corner of my eye. I look over and almost fall down again. The Doctor. He’s older, but I could never mistake his face. Dread trickles into me. I taste blood in my mouth and realize I’ve been biting my lip.

I rest my hand on what used to be Ever’s body as I try to steady myself. I tell myself to stay motionless. Past experiences tell me I don't want them to find me, but I have to help Zapp. If Dom were here, he'd never leave without him.

The group parts in the middle which gives the Doctor a path to Zapp. He motions to a few men, then points in our direction. They grab a bulky object that has wires and other mechanical devices coming out of it. Lifting it together, they begin to come over.

I lean up against Ever, hoping to shield myself. One of the men grunts, and they fumble with something in their hands. There’s a small click, and a high pitched ringing escapes from the machine. I squeeze my eyes shut, and plug my ears with my forefingers. The ringing hits my ears, and throbbing slices into my head.

Turning slowly, I peek at the men through Ever's branches. They’re looking down. Black coils are jutting into Ever and are also connected to the machine; It is whirling with different metal pieces, which causes the ringing. I back away from Ever’s cover and slip behind the nearest tree. I hold my breath, waiting to be discovered. The men are preoccupied, though, and don’t see my movements. I peer out behind the tree’s trunk.

A bright light flashes near Ever. It causes my vision to blur, and then flicker. I blink repeatedly trying to regain my focus. Ever’s tree body begins to move. First, her branches begin to tremble. The vibration creeps along to the trunk of the tree, until the whole thing begins to sway back and forth, as if in a windstorm. The withered branches start to mold into fleshy fingers. The trunk quivers and groans before shaping into the body. Ever's face breaks from the bark shell surrounding it. Her eyes light up and form into round orbs. Lips, nose, and ears forge from the bark. Finally, the crinkly leaves string out and alter into hair.

When she is fully human again, Ever’s legs give out, and she collapses to the ground. Her eyes are closed with her chest moving up and down in a rapid pace. The strange men back away; their dark eyes are wide. I stare at her face, and see the younger girl I knew from so many years ago. The black cords are still stuck to the front of her chest, but it's only suction cups, so it doesn't affect her.

Her eyes flip open, and she stares at me. I stop, hoping maybe she won’t see me. Horror crosses her face as she recognizes me.

“Igneous?” she whispers, glancing at the retreating men, who have become engrossed in what's going on in the clearing. I swallow and give her a quick nod. She snaps her fingers, and the tree I’m behind begins to grow. Its branches engulf me into shadow, and a few shrubs sprout up hiding me even more.

“What are you doing here?” she demands but in a quiet voice. I glance over at the Doctor and his minions who are hovering over Zapp. She follows my vision line and turns her head.

Her beautiful violet eyes grow wide at the sight of her best friend. Her hand immediately clutches the flower necklace around her throat. A single tear escapes down her cheek.

“Igneous,” she begins, not looking away from Zapp, “you need to get out of here now.”

I hesitate. There is no way I am leaving them here to be subjected by the Doctor’s hands once more. “But--”

A gun goes off, but it sounds odd. The noise is zingy instead of bang. I jerk my head upwards. Zapp’s body lurches up in an arch. The Doctor glides his hand over the boy’s back and pulls a long tube out of his neck. He places it carefully into a silver box that one of his men holds. Zapp’s slumps back over, and his head hits the dirt face down.

I let out a small cry, before I can suppress it. The Doctor’s head whips around with his cruel eyes staring in our direction. I clamp my hand over my mouth and crouch low behind the shrubs. My eyes flicker to Ever. She, too, has her hand over her mouth, most likely trying to make my cry her own. I try to catch her eyes, but they are fixated on the clearing.
The Doctor ignores her and motions to his men. One of the bigger men comes forward and grabs Zapp’s body. He tosses him over his shoulder, like he’s nothing, then begins to head in the direction they arrived from. Zapp’s head hangs limply, and his bluish hair flops as the man limps away. His eyes are closed.

This time Ever lets out a cry. It’s slow and high pitched, but it conceals a hidden word inside. The word directed towards me; the only one around to catch it. Run. I jump up and stumble backwards, my legs feel like jelly. I trip to the ground, hitting my knees and palms hard on the dirt. My head cracks into a nearby tree and my vision dims. I hear a few gruff voices rise in the confusion. Vaguely I see someone point in my direction, and someone yells. I see a white blur wave away from my direction. My vision clears.

Following her order, I stand on my feet and take off running. I look back and see the men jog back to Ever and grab her roughly by the wrists. They drag her away. I skid to a stop. She notices, and her eyes plead me to leave. Her mouth forms a word. Though she’s getting farther away, I know what she’s trying to say. A word the almost knocks the breath out of me. Dom. He’s alive? This time I turn and run, and I don’t dare to look back.

I stumble through the forest blindly as tears begin to flood my eyes. Zapp was dead, and Ever was soon to follow. They had always been the innocent ones of the group. They were never mean to anyone; only trying to help us. I’m sure they’re the two who could relate to Dom and me the most. I hold back the tears, feeling I have to be strong for them. My thoughts tell me I have to survive, where they fell.

I thrash through the branches that prod into my way. My bare feet get tangled into weeds a few times, but I pull my legs through them. I don’t bother to keep my pathway a secret. My goal was to get back to the house. Once I was there I would be safe.

The structure of the barn rises into my vision field, and I pump my legs harder. Exiting the woods, I trip and fall to the dirt of out barnyard. I lay there gasping to catch my breath. Then I shakily get up and stumble to the back porch. I look behind me, searching for any signs of a follower. There’s nothing but trees and shadow. Once more the night is silent and cool. A horse whinnies from the barn, and I jump. Shaking my head I still my body, letting the tension leave my muscles. My heartbeat lowers, and I feel calm.

I open the door, not caring if it creaks or not. As I enter the kitchen I am immediately hit with hot air. I sigh and begin to tamper with the house’s room temperature. Room by room, I lower mentally, until the house is just right. My eyes begin to burn from taking in the extra heat. It does that sometimes, absorbing the heat into my face or feet.

I climb the stairs, one foot at a time; my legs are weak from running. After entering my room, I shut the door firmly. Immediately I collapse on the floor right in front of the door. I fumble around in the dark until my hand finds the blanket I threw down earlier. I pull it around me. I’m shivering but not from being cold. Finally, in the solitary of my room, I allow the tears to fall. One thought echoes in my mind, though. He's alive. Dom is alive.


Okay, if you haven't read the other parts, there's a prologue and part one. Thanks for reading and reviewing! =] [[Sorry if it's bit long, I wanted to get the rest of this section in.]]

-Narniafreak!
  





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Mon Jan 11, 2010 10:48 pm
Pretty Crazy says...



Okay I finally found a time to read this and get interested in this part. I wish I had read it earlier! This is very good. It's a nice change from the old superpower stories I've heard/read so many times. But your still not telling us who this 'doctor' is. Surely your main character must know something about him- please tell us readers. I want to know more about her world. How does she know all these other kids with super powers?
Description: It was good actually. I like your choice of words in a few places like when they killed Zapp. By the way, good job at showing her emotions there. I felt sad too even though you've never mentioned him before! :cry:
One thing I didn't really like was how your not explaining anything. Your giving the readers a lot of questions- good for hooking them- but some answers would be nice.
Overall: I found it very original. Keep writing it. :P
(Sorry this review is so scattered, I was just writing things as they came in my head. :thud: )
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Thu Dec 30, 2010 10:58 pm
LadySpark says...



hey narniafreak! whats up? here to finish the review!

This is so good. Much better than Part one of Ch. 1. I have no complaints.


but a few questions:

~who is Dom?
~Where did he go?
~is he dead?

we need answers! next chapter please! get a memory going or make her have a dream :)

~How exactly does she know Zapp and Ever?
~How does she know the doctor?
~Why is the doctor killing inocient people?

We also need answers to these questions. You can't just let the story go on, throwing bits in and not tell us why or how or when. Give us a information load. Indiscretly. Memories and dreams are really good for that :)

~why exactly did she go to the wood?

was she going because she saw Zapp? I think this is true but we need a definite motive :)

~keep writing and tell me when you put a new ch. up.

~thanks,
Pointe
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


Formerly SparkToFlame
  








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