Chapter One
Shelia always felt alone. Shelia was always in locked up in her room drawing and crying while her parents argued. While her sister Regina climbed out the window to seek off and have a better time; to drink all her pains away.
Shelia felt that if her parents who seemed to love each very much couldn’t work out, then what could? If they couldn’t love her sister and her enough to stay together then she wasn’t good enough. If her father would divorce her mother for another woman, they maybe it was because Shelia was a disappointment. He always wanted her to be athletic and go out for basketball or track. Of course he had forced these options on her after she didn’t take to Volleyball, her sister’s talent.
Her mother couldn’t see her pain she was too upset to pay any attention to Shelia. Shelia felt like no one could love her the way she needed to be loved all she had was herself to rely on. The last person she had ever counted on was her sister.
Regina let her down though, she didn’t stick with Shelia and their mother. Instead she ran off to North Carolina to go to college and live with their great aunt.
The past year had been very hallow for her. She wasn’t content living in a one bedroom apartment with her mother because they had to sale their house and she wasn’t happy at school. Friends and boys and school spirit passed around her like shadows. All she really had was art. She drew every single day of life now, it was the last thing that supported her; that kept her going.
But now she wouldn’t be alone anymore or miserable. Her mother told her one morning the summer after her junior year that they were moving to North Carolina to be with their great aunt and Regina.
Shelia was happy, she missed her sister. And having her around again would be an enormous help to her life, they could be close again and she could talk to her just like she used to.
On the plane ride to Raleigh from Los Angeles Shelia slept most of the time dreaming of finally being happy and content. Hoping that thousands of miles away she could find an end to her insufferable loneliness.
As her mother watched her she only thought her daughter was dreaming of average things, happy things that always seem to be going through Shelia’s mind. Her mother smile relieved to be away from California and her past.
When they first got to Aunt Yvonne’s only she had been home; Regina was out. Cheryl and Shelia hid their extreme disappointment and greeted Yvonne wholeheartedly. They all had lunch and then Shelia and Cheryl went to rest.
Shelia’s room was on the opposite side of the hall from Regina’s room and slightly close to the bathroom on her side of the hall and their mother’s room on her sister’s side of the hall.
She knew it was her sister’s room because there was a black poster on it with a single purple dot and then a name scribbled under it. Another one of her weird unknown bands that she liked.
Shelia stopped looking at her sister’s door and walked into her room. She smiled, there was a lot of dust in the room but the lighting was very nice. Her window looked out onto the neighborhood the sun a welcome companion sending beams of light onto the bed directly under the window and the drawer next to it and the desk and the bureau on the opposite side of the room.
Sheila’s only real disappointment was the fact that their was no closet so she couldn’t store a lot of art supply in the room.
It’s funny how I think of where to put my art supplies and yet I don’t care about more room for clothes!
In fact she didn’t take that much time into looking good at all. And she wasn’t the type of artist that went out of their way to look dirty and artsy. She just threw on whatever she had, the last time she had ever really been shopping was the summer before sophomore year. Everything after that had been her mother’s shopping or gifts from relatives.
Shelia really didn’t care about her hair being a certain way, she was just happy when she could manage to make it look suitable in the morning. And she wasn’t a shoe fanatic in the least. She was extremely unconcerned with her looks. The main thing having to be, because she just wasn’t interested in boys.
Early in high school she had many petty, obsessive crushes but they never worked out. And then her parents divorce took a crash on her confidence. She couldn’t tell if she thought that she wasn’t good enough for anybody or if it was simply because she didn’t believe there was anybody out there for her.
The only things she liked better than sketching and drawing, where reading and watching movies.
In fact she was very well-read , she’d gone through the young adult novels long ago. Shelia was strictly into more mature books now. She was also an avid moviegoer, she loved all kinds of movies. Particularly classics from the twentieth century. Shelia also loved movies that had several elements, typically big action movies that had comedy, danger and romance. Something for everybody.
“Shelia?”
She hadn’t heard her mom knock on the door. That was typical of her always zoning out into her own thoughts.
“Yes?” Shelia turned to her mother who had already opened the door. Her mom wasn’t used to giving her privacy especially while they were living in that crowded one bedroom apartment.
“Do you need anything in your room? Do you have enough blankets and pillows?”
Shelia hadn’t even sat on the bed yet she was still standing in the middle of the room clenching her bags.
“Um, no I’m fine.” Her mom nodded brusquely about to shut the door, “Mom, when do you think Regina will be home?”
“Uh, I’m sure she’ll get here soon.”
“Why wouldn’t she want to meet us here or at the airport?” Shelia asked her probably only distressing her mother even more.
“Calm down Shelia. You know that damn girl goes to school, and I’m sure she has a job. I’m sure she had important things to do, and we’ll see her soon. She’s gonna be so happy to see us too!”
Cheryl shut the door going down the hall. Shelia waited until she couldn’t hear her footsteps any longer and then she sighed dropping her bags to the floor.
Shelia had a feeling that maybe something was different about her sister.
As it turned out she didn’t even see her sister until two days later. Shelia was in the kitchen washing some dishes as her mother was at her first day of work and her Aunt was upstairs resting and watching television.
Regina walked through the backdoor that lead into the kitchen almost entirely missing her sister. Shelia caught a glance of her in her side view, and then she turned to her startled.
“Regina?”
Regina turned a bit surprised at first but nothing really changing in her composure. It was as if seeing her sister was a bit unexpected but nothing very significant to her. It was as if something else was pulling her together these days and her sister wasn’t something she was sympathetic too.
“Oh, hey Shelia!” She had even managed a small smile.
Shelia awkwardly dried her hands and went over to her sister to hug her. She pushed back in her mind any thoughts she had about her sister seeming different because she didn’t think they could be true.
Regina hugged her half-heartedly back, “Good to see you!”
“You too.” Shelia let her go, and then Regina smiled at her again this time it seemed more genuine.
“Well I have to go write a paper but let’s talk later okay?”
“Sure.” Shelia hoped she was still smiling, even though she had the urge to cry. Cry because she had missed and craved her sister and cry because her sister didn’t seem to miss her at all.
I won’t dwell on it though, maybe she was just tired.
Shelia started school on Monday, it was nothing like her old school and yet nothing impressive. She passed her days at school passionless and soulless.
Just like in California all she seemed to do was paint and draw. She had tried to really talk to her sister but it never really worked out. Her sister was either to busy or too distracted to spend any time with her. So Shelia just kept to herself and dealt with the hallow feeling she had. She’d hope to feel such great relief when she would be able to confide in her sister, now all she had was the greatest disappoint of all.
One day she was trying to make comical sketch of the Mona Lisa by looking at a picture of it from her lap top when the door bell rang. Shelia didn’t get up she kept working, her sister could answer it, it was most likely for her anyways.
But the bell just rang and rang. Until finally Shelia came out of her room in a huff and stomped down the hall to abruptly open the door.
She stood there speechless, gaping at him.
There was a stranger at the door. He had long dark hair, deep brown eyes and nice full lips. He was also rather tall, very fit and extremely attractive. In fact Shelia was sure she’d never seen any guy like him before, she couldn’t even pin point his ethnicity.
He stood looking at her a bit surprised and perplexed.
“Uh, sorry? Is Regina here?”
His voice was husky and deep, and yet it carried a charm. He could have been saying the dumbest thing possible and she would of still swooned at the sound of his voice.
“She’s…in her room?” Shelia asked back and after an awkward moment she stepped aside to let him in.
“Oh, thanks.” He replied awkwardly smoothing his hair as he came in.
Shelia watched him walk down the hall and then it occurred to her that there was something a bit off about him. The way he carried himself and the way he walked…He was a creature of utter despair as well as beauty.
Remembering his features clearly in her mind she could see the shadows under his eyes. The creases above his eyebrows, and the deep set frown of his lips. Did he ever smile?
That frown was so deeply set in her mind that she couldn’t imagine him smiling, not really. And his eyes, they were so cold it was as if they didn’t have any energy or good feeling behind them.
I wonder what his name is. Shelia thought walking down the hall toward her room. The mysterious man had already entered her sisters room, as Shelia opened her door to go to her room she could hear their muffled voices.
His voice seemed to be desperate and full of distress while her sisters was matter-of-fact and perfectly calm. What could they be discussing?
Is she dating him? If she is maybe they’re breaking up or something? He doesn’t seem that happy with her at all. Unless he’s going through a tough time in his life and Regina’s just trying to help him.
Or maybe they both are, maybe something’s happened. Why else would Regina be so cold toward me?
Shelia stopped looking at her sisters door and went into her room quietly. For whatever reason she didn’t seem to have any heart to put into her Mona Lisa project. Before she knew it she had grabbed a new piece of paper and was sketching a face. She started with the eyes trying to remember the sadness she had seen. She kept going, drawing the head and the hair. And then the eyebrows, and then the nose and the mouth. She backtracked and tried to draw the deep creases of worry she had seen earlier above the eyebrows. After that she had to make sure the frown was done the right way. The final thing was making sure the eyes were the same way she remembered.
By the time she finished sketching she heard deep footsteps come out of her sister’s room and the front door shut heavily.
She set the drawing on her desk, and then she went into her sisters room.
Regina was sitting there on the bed with a huge pair of head phones on, she was nodding her head back and worth enjoying her music.
When she noticed Shelia she stopped and took off her head phones. “Hey what’s up?”
“Is everything okay?”
“I’m fine Shelia.”
“Did you two get into an argument or something?” Shelia realized she was prying but she was terribly curious.
“No, of course not! He’s my friend he just got a little worked up that’s all.”
Shelia felt immediate relief when her sister used the word “friend”.
“Who was he anyway?”
“That was James, he’s just a friend of mine.”
“James.” Shelia said to herself.
“Are you okay?” Regina asked her giving her a speculative look.
Shelia’s face got hot, she didn’t realize she had said that out loud, she smiled at her sister, “I’m fine.”
After that day Shelia would anticipate a knock on the door. Whenever he did come Shelia ran to the door to answer it, it got to the point where Regina never bothered to get up to answer it anymore.
Each time Shelia saw James she couldn’t help but feel a strange happiness and awkwardness. James himself showed no aversion toward her, and he wasn’t particularly kind just polite.
Things were like that for about a month. Shelia began to realize she liked James, she liked him a lot. She was sure that he must of liked her sister but Regina seemed to treat him like a dog that wouldn’t leave her alone and one she couldn’t bring herself to turn away.
That was good for Shelia, and yet it didn’t exactly motivate her. She had all these feelings for James and she had no idea how to express them to him. So she did what she always did in her life of uncertainty; she drew.
Every time she saw him, she would look for anything new in his facial expressions and immediately translate them onto paper. To her despair most of the time she saw him in apparent angst and pain. Nothing ever different, she had to go back to the first day she met him when he looked surprised when she answered the door. That one ended up being her favorite drawing, after that she began to experiment.
Shelia began to wonder what would his smile would be like? His amused face, his coil face, his sexy face, maybe his scared face.
The scared face was easier to draw because it wasn’t connected to happiness. In fact in the first few days of her seeing him she never once saw an ounce of happiness in him.
James was truly miserable.
Shelia didn’t know why at first but by his fifth visit it became very obvious. Shelia had let him in as usual except it had been the first time she tried to small talk with him.
He was walking down the hall ahead of her, and she spoke very softly at his back.
“So James are you in school with Regina?”
“Yes, I go to NCU.”
“So what do you major in?” Shelia kept saying “so” before every sentence as if it was her official lead in. It embarrassed her but she couldn’t stop.
“Art History.” James had reached Regina’s door. He turned to look at her, “I’m actually getting my degree a year early because I’ve been in summer school.”
It seemed like it was the first time he had really looked at her and the first time she had ever really been impressed with him.
“That’s amazing, I love art. I’m planning to major in it too.”
James gave her a small smile, almost making her faint. “Really I-”
“James?” Regina opened her door looking at him, “Hey was up?”
His composure changed completely, “Hey Reg.” He nodded to her in an awkward way.
Regina opened the door wider letting him in, and she gave her sister a quick look. It was as if she was completely disregarding her.
Shelia stood there a bit dumbfounded, her sister left the door open as she started to talk to James. Shelia stood there lost in thought thinking of seeing James smile.
Then suddenly the voices in Regina’s room got louder.
“Can’t you just give us another chance?!” James pleaded.
“NO! I already told you that I love him. I don’t love you, I will never love you. Can’t you just accept that? I can lie to you and say it’s not because you’re not good enough, but it’s true. No one compare’s to him. You may think differently but he loves me too. And we WILL be together again, and that means me and you are never getting together. Can’t you just accept that?!”
“I love you, I already told you.”
Shelia heard the agony in his voice, she backed up into her room shocked. Then James rushed out of Regina’s room his face tortured and hot, he ran down the hall and slammed the front door behind him.
Later that day Regina couldn’t of been even more indifferent it seemed that she could care less that James was in love with her. And Shelia wished that it was her he loved and not her sister. That’s when she just about lost hope.
She was surprised to see him visit again the next day, he came by several more times after that. Each time Shelia could hear heated discussions between him and Regina.
And then one day she answered the door anticipating James, craving him more than ever. Shelia had tried to find something somewhat attractive to wear and had even straightened her hair. She answered the door with a smile only to be gravely disappointed.
A tall blonde stranger was at the door and he barely looked at her. He rushed past her into the house.
“Regina?” He called.
Instantly footsteps came crashing down the stairs and Regina greeted him with a hug. When she released him they gave each other a knowing smile and then they both walked out the door.
Shelia watched them get into a red convertible and speed down the road.
Poor James. Was all she could think.
Her sister was rarely home after that, she continued to see this mystery man. It was apparent that he was the one she loved not James.
Shelia kept turning this love triangle around and around in her mind. It went into her art work too. She painted strange figures of half hearts, two merging together and one withering away. In other paintings she would add faces to the hearts, she’d capture his sister’s indifference and her lovers pleased composure. And she took extra time to make out the amount of James’s despair in the right way.
Painting the love triangle began to depress her for James’s sake. So she started to paint fantasy, hers though not James.
That’s what she was painting the day he appeared in her doorway.
“Hey.”
Shelia didn’t register that a human voice had spoken to her at first, instead she stared at her painting, she had only done the background color. She started at the blue canvas.
“Hey?”
“Umm how are you?” His voice was more defined now and she jumped up looking at her doorway surprised to see him.
“Oh, hi!” She fretted over herself for a moment, “I’m good actually, and you?”
“I’m alright, I hope I’m not intruding? I just thought I’d swing by and see how you were.”
“I’m good, I’m glad that you came by James…” She felt exasperated like she never said his name before.
“I was hoping you would. I thought maybe we could talk about some of the art you like.”
“Oh, well I really like the classics you know? Or like 14th century art, around the time of Constantine. “
They talked for a few minutes about famous art work from that century and then about Leonardo Di Vinci.
“I think the movie’s are pretty good, I prefer the books though.”
“Yes I do too.” Shelia smiled at him they had gone from talking about art to talking about books to movies.
James looked at his watch and looked around him. [He was still leaning against the doorway].
“I better go. It was nice talking to you Shelia.”
“Okay bye James.” She smiled again and he smiled at her too backing away into the hall before he left.
It wasn’t until the days passed that Shelia realized James never did talk about coming back to see her. She wondered if she should forget about him. It was more than possible that he was still with her sister, in the back of her mind she even suspected that he had pretended to see her that day to see Regina. It did make sense but Shelia kept shoving that thought out her mind.
She’d been in school for a while, and she still hadn’t made any friends yet. To give herself a bit of a boost she went down to the Secret Closet, the local bookstore and looked for her fall reading list.
Shelia had about three of the four books she needed picked out when she couldn’t find the very last one. She came to an aisle in the very back of the store where she was surprised to find James.
His head was bent down and his hair covered his face.
“James?”
His head snapped up in surprise, he looked at her with the most pained expression she had ever seen. Then he looked away not saying a word to her.
“Are you ok?” Shelia asked, coming closer to him touching his shoulder. “’Do you need something? I mean someone to talk to? I want to help if I can James.”
He turned away from her completely causing her hand to fall from his shoulder and then he brushed past her quickly heading out of the store and out of her presence.
Shelia was flustered for a moment but then she recovered heading out of the store and going straight home. She’d have to get the last book another day.
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