Young Writers Society

Just a couple of notes -
... = a held out note
(aoeng) = echo
______________
Chorus:
Well you are my best friend
You are a ray of sun
Coming through the clouds
On a rainy day
And you have no clue
How much I need you
Cause you’re my best friend

Maybe I love you, honey
Even though I shouldn’t
But that won’t stop me, no
Best friend

Chorus

How long has it been?
How long has it been, since we,
First met each other
And the fate was set

It is simple
Although it’s hard, oh
You took my heart
Best friend
(Oh…)

Chorus

You have no clue
Ho w much I need you
Best friend
You’re my, my, my….
Best friend…

Chorus (up a half-step)

My friend, my friend….
You’re my best friend…..

Heya,

Your song title is very catchy, and the whole idea of what you have chosen to write about is also very good. However, some parts are a little confusing.

You seem to be a little on the repetetive side especiall with the words "best friends".

I think the concept is good, but to give it a feel to a more warmy song how about adding in more information to the song. Like what has the best friend done for you? How has she/he become your best friend? what are your happy moments? what have you done for them? what infulences you to say this? What do they think of you?


Hope I have helped

expand on those lyrics

Here as requested ^^ I'm not particularly trained to critique lyrics, but I'll try xD

[s]Well[/s] You are my best friend
[s]You are[s] a ray of sun

I think it would sound better without "well" in the beginning because it'll make it sound more like a song. Also, since the "you are" would be repetitive in the second line, I'd reword it a bit so:
"You are my best friend,
A ray of sunshine"
To add more syllables.

Coming through the clouds
On a rainy day
[s]And[/s] you have no clue
How much I need you

The second part of the sentence doesn't really relate to the first part, so you don't need the "and"

Cause you’re my best friend

Maybe mention something about being naive instead? I don't know how being a best friend would make you blind to the fact that someone likes you. But then again, it might ruin the beat of the song, so make sure to read it out loud and find the words that make sense and fit.

And the fate was set

I don't think fate can really be "set". Perhaps changing it to
"And our fates were sealed" ?

It is simple
[s]Although[/s] it’s hard, oh

Although doesn't really fit, Maybe a conjunction like "and" or "but"

You have no clue
Ho( )w much I need you

Close the gap between how I think you just spacebarred on accident.
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[b]Overall[/s]: I kind of had to read this a few times to get the beat of it, but once I got it, the words started flowing. It is catchy, but songs about falling in love with your best friend have been done before, so you need to add something that makes this unique, original. Also, it's mostly just words and comparisons. You need more imagery, more passion! Put yourself in this place and let yourself be free! Literary elements! Add some dimension to this!

What about their warmth? How his smile makes the narrator feel? Other emotions like jealousy, guilt, secrecy, disloyalty, helplessness?

Hope this helps ^^
-Shina