Young Writers Society

*Warning: This is rated pg-13 because of a love sence that occurs*


Chapter six

With out waking up Gary, Isabella got up early that morning to meet Jay at the real estate office. When Gary woke up the house was silent. He took a shower, got dressed, and went downstairs. By the time he got downstairs Kevin was arriving up the steps, awake from slumber.

“So, I guess today is your last day here.” Gary sat next to Kevin. No wonder they were brothers, both had crust still set in the corners of their eyes, their blonde hair hovered above their dazzling blue eyes, and sleep didn’t leave neither of them well.

“Yeah, it is. You like her don’t you.” Kevin smiled as he remembered the way Gary looked at Isabella, the way he touched her so softly as if not to break her.

“What?” Gary questioned, startled by this random question, his eyes sparked up in curiosity.

“You like Belle, and I don’t mean as a friend,” Kevin mocked.

“No.” Gary got red in the face.

“Oh, don’t lie. I see the way you look at her. I know what you’re thinking.” Kevin laughed at Gary.

“So, I may like her, but she’s nothing more then a friend.” Gary couldn’t believe he admitted it to someone, especially his brother.

“Well, why don’t you change that?” Kevin asked.

Gary left the room with out saying another word because he didn‘t have the answer. He went out to the dock to think. While he was out at the dock he didn’t notice the time flying by. Soon Isabella had gotten home and was sitting next Gary on the dock.

“So, how’d your house hunting go?” Gary asked rubbing his eyes.

“It went good and bad. I found the perfect house, but I just can’t afford it.” Isabella looked down at the water.

Gary took this chance, “ Belle, can I ask you some thing?”

His heart was racing and his palms were sticking together. He couldn’t form any sentence that sound remotely stable. He cleared his throat as fog set in his head.

“Anything cowboy,” Isabella said curious as to what Gary was going to say.

“Belle, you’ve been my friend forever, but lately I have been having these strong feelings for you. Belle, I really like you, so would you stay with me and not buy a new house?” Gary asked as his hands started to shake.

“I’m glad I’m not the only one.” she took Gary’s hands and smiled, “ Yes I would love to stay here.”

“Really?” Gary asked in shock, he just couldn’t believe it.

His blue saucers grew in size as his one hundred watt smile formed a crest on his face. His ocean blue eyes shone bright, and his face lit up.

“Yes, Gary, I have been waiting for you to come around. When you came in to comfort me after Jay had gave me such bad news I got goose bumps all over. The way you made me feel is… indescribable. It scared me because you are so hard to read. I never know what your thinking or feeling.” Gary pulled her closer to him. She fell into him, enjoying the warmth of his body that was twice her size.

“Wow, well, now you do know how I’m feeling.” they both leaned in for a kiss.

After a few seconds they pulled away from such a beautiful kiss smiling. Isabella laid her head on Gary’s shoulder and sighed as they watched the sun go down. Creeping behind them Kevin smiled. He knew his brother couldn’t wait much longer.

“Hey, Gary, time to go.” Kevin startled them with his booming voice.

“You want to go with me to drop Kevin off at the airport?” Gary asked her.

I hope she says yes. The long ride back home will be lovely. Just the two of us, together.

“Sure,” Isabella replied as all three of them got in Gary’s truck.

At the airport Kevin said his goodbyes and told Gary how he knew Gary would hookup with Isabella sooner or later.

“Well, actually Kevin, I did it. I told Belle how I felt, and guess what? She feels the same way.” Gary’s smile shone bright. Kevin went into the airport laughing.

Doesn’t he know I know already? I may be younger than him, but I sure do have more brains.

***

When they got back to Gary’s house Gary had a message from Jay on his phone.

“I’m going to call Jay back it shouldn’t take long.” Gary walked towards his studio. What does he want? I know what I want, and it’s got nothing to do with Jay.

“Hey, I got your message, what’s up?” Gary replied.

Gary did a lot of nodding and mumbling that he understood.

“Dang, ok. I’ll be ready by Friday.” Gary hung up the phone.

Gary walked into the kitchen and saw Isabella drinking hot chocolate at the counter. She looked gorgeous. His heart pounded against his rib cage, and his knees felt wobbly.

“Hey, Belle.” Gary wrapped his arms around her.

“Hey, cowboy. What did Jay want?” Isabella asked.

Oh my gosh, this feels so good. How I wish his arms would never loosen their grip.

“Well, this Friday we perform on Good Morning America, and then our tour starts the next day. You’ll be ok here alone right? I mean I’m sure you and Destiny will spend a lot of time together,” Gary said as Isabella turned around to face him.

“Of course I’ll be fine. Duh, I dated Jay. I worry about you some times,” Isabella said trying to be playful as she twirled a piece of golden blonde hair in her fingers.

“Well, I say we have four days to do any thing we wanted to.” Gary kissed her neck.

“Hey mister that may be what you want, but I‘m not ready for that. I know it was just a kiss, but you know as well as I do, that it leads to more intimate things.” Isabella backed away, uncomfortable.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you fell awkward.” Gary backed off.

“Well, I didn’t say we couldn’t go cuddle on the couch.” Isabella took Gary’s hand and slowly walked over to the couch. She smiled letting him know it was ok.

* Joe Don and Destiny’s point of view*

Destiny had just gotten back from her first real doctor’s appointment. The doctor said everything looked fine and told her that she was about 3 months pregnant.

Joe Don had fallen asleep on the couch when they got home. So Destiny listened to the voice mails on their answering machine. There was one from his mom telling him how happy she was and to call her back. Then the second one was from Rascal Flatts tour manager saying Joe Don was to be ready late Thursday night after Good Morning America their tour started the next day in New Jersey. Destiny had forgotten all about their 6 month tour.

Destiny didn’t want to worry about it, so she laid down beside Joe Don and fell asleep. When she woke up she was alone. Destiny got up and went straight to the bathroom. Joe Don heard her and waited outside the bathroom door.

When she got out he asked, “How you feeling baby?”

“This morning sickness is a real killer.” Destiny went to the kitchen to get a bottle of water of the fridge.

“Aw, I’m sorry honey.” Joe Don smiled.

“What are you so happy about?” Destiny asked looking at Joe Don like he was a nut.

“I’m just happy. This is my baby too, right?” Joe Don asked trying not to laugh.
Destiny laughed out loud and flicked some water on him.

*Gary and Isabella’s point of view*

The next day Isabella had gotten on her laptop to see where Gary and herself could spend four days, just the two of them. Gary woke up with out her in his arms. Hopeful that yesterday wasn’t just a dream, he walked down the stairs picking the sleep dust out of the corners of his eyes.

“Morning sunshine, I have two tickets to go down to California for a couple of days and I want to take you with me before you go back out on the road. So we can get away for a bit.” Isabella smiled trying to get Gary excited.

“Sounds like fun. So why the get away?” Gary asked, still in full sleeping mode.

“For me and you to have fun before you leave on Friday.” Isabella put her hand on his knee as he sat beside her.

“Alright.” Gary smiled, she knew she could get him to give in.

She was so excited her heart leaped out of her chest. Just Gary and her alone for a whole week.

She ran upstairs and took out their suitcases. They were planned to fly the next morning, so that night Gary and Isabella cuddled in bed. She kissed him as he scooted closer to her. Her heart fluttered in and out. Was she really ready for this?

“Hum Belle.” Gary gave her another kiss.

Ready or not I need this. My body is urging to touch him again. All over. I just need a taste. Just a small taste. Oh how I want him now.

She ran her hands under the back of his shirt. He tensed up at the touch of her hands. His heart raced and his head was beaded with sweat. Gary trickled his fingers through her, now, long golden hair. She shivered at his touch. Isabella took Gary’s belt buckle and unsnapped it. He couldn’t believe she was ready, so fast. She pulled his belt through the loops and tossed it on to the floor. Gary unbuttoned Isabella’s shirt and slowly rolled it off her arms. Isabella knew this is want she wanted so why was her heart racing and her mind screaming no? She kissed Gary’s bare chest as he threw off his shirt, and they dove under the covers. Isabella threw herself on top of Gary and kissed him deeply.

I don’t care what’s morally right by God. I can’t wait until I get married to show this man how much I love him.

“Oh, Gary,” Isabella whispered low in his ear.

Gary flipped her over and kissed her from her belly button to her delicious lips.

***

The morning after, Gary woke up and thought everything had only been a dream. When he saw her sleeping peacefully next to him he knew that it was all too real. Isabella’s alarm clock went off; she slapped at it with her eyes closed until she hit the snooze button and it turned off. Isabella laid her head on Gary’s chest and opened her eyes then hazily closed them again.

“Come on sleeping beauty, you have to get up.” Gary kissed her forehead.

After he got her to get up and they got ready, Gary put their bags in the truck, and off they went. Isabella had called the guy’s private pilot to fly their personal jet that day. Once on the plane Isabella was excited for Gary to see the cabin by the beach she had rented for them. After the long plane ride, they got out and stretched their legs to get ready for another long car ride to the beach.

On the beach the waves were crashing along the smooth shore line, and seagulls were everywhere. Isabella lead him up the wooden steps of their cabin. It was stunning on the outside. Painted white and ocean blue, it made Isabella feel comfortable and happy.

“So, do you like it?” she asked, after they unpacked and took a little peek around the cabin.

“Yes I do,” Gary replied as they went outside on the beach.

She is so thoughtful and caring; I love her so much.

They held each others hand as they walked along the beach, where the water would come up by their feet and then quickly disappear. Isabella found a perfect spot along the beach where they could take a seat and watch the sun go down.

Gary wrapped his strong arms around her, and rested his head on her shoulder. Isabella was so comfortable she hadn’t noticed how dark it had gotten, but Gary did. He got up and stretched his long lean body upward. Gary smiled as he went to tickle her. Isabella jumped up, and they chased each other back to the cabin.

Gary plopped down on the couch and Isabella soon followed him with a big bowl of ice cream.

“Aw, none for me?” Gary asked giving off his best puppy dog eyes.

Isabella pulled out two spoons, smiling and gave one to Gary, then put one in the bowl of ice cream. She kissed Gary as she sat down on the couch.

“Belle, I… I love you,” Gary said not knowing if she would respond the way he wanted her too.

Oh my God, what if she doesn’t say it back? Was it too early to say? Even though, I know my feelings will always be the same.

“Gary… I think I love you too.” Belle smiled, shaking with nervousness; the moment had suddenly gotten awkward and serious.

Gary threw his arm around both of her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. Isabella began to grow tired, so she got up and tugged on Gary’s hand like a child.

“Aw, are you tired?” Gary chuckled.

He got up and followed her to the bedroom. As they laid down Isabella fell fast asleep, but Gary laid awake, unable to sleep.

As he began to unravel he couldn’t believe he told Isabella he loved her. The nerves in his stomach made him feel nauseous. He went to the bathroom and heaved everything up from his stomach but nothing would come up but air and nausea.

***

When she found him in the bathroom, the next morning, he was asleep on the floor leaning against the bathtub.

Hey Rascallover ^^ Shina here ;P I got your request so here I am!

Okay, so this is chapter six of your romantic fiction, yes? I'm not really sure how these characters have developed or how they've grown because I haven't read any of the other chapters. I won't go into the line-by-line critiquing because I don't think that's what you wanted ><

Opinion of the Story:
To be honest, this sounds too general. This could've been chapter one because it sounds so average, so commonplace. It sounds like one of those blogs where the writer was in a hurry to write and just summarized what happened. Remember to be patient with your writing and to describe with utmost care.

For a skeleton of a real story, it's okay. If you expand on your ideas more and add more imagery and show* the readers rather than tell, I think it could turn our pretty nicely. On the other hand, the plot seems like nothing special and it could in fact being happening to about 75% of my high school's population (the romance parts, not the house buying xD).

* The difference between showing and telling.
We all know that just about any person can describe an object by saying "it was pretty" "it was big" and all of those other stale, dull, tedious words. Unless you're writing a book for little kids, you're not going to catch anyone's attention.

Rather than saying "the pizza was delicious", you could say "A cloud of steam arose from the dish as the waiter delivered the order to our table. Melted cheese covered every inch of its surface, topped in an assortment of pepperoni, sausage, and mushrooms. A piece of drool rolled down the side of my face."

Not exactly the best example, but you get the idea. If you want to improve as a writer, practice showing and not telling and you'll make a habit of it in no-time.

Rascalover wrote: With out waking up Gary, Isabella got up early that morning to meet Jay at the real estate office. When Gary woke up the house was silent. He took a shower, got dressed, and went downstairs. By the time he got downstairs Kevin was arriving up the steps, awake from slumber.

You see how you phrased everything in here? You but it so plainly, so frankly. How did Isabella get up without waking Gary? She could be living in another state for all we know Describe the setting and the actions Isabella makes in order to do this. Don't be too descriptive and describe every insignificant detail, but give enough for us to know what's going on.

You also say "the house is silent". What components make up silence? Stillness? Quietness? What? You need to tell us ^^ Remember that we can't see what's in your head, we can only see what you give us.

Emotions:
Rascal, when it comes to your character's emotions, I felt like they were far, far away. You make your characters so casual when it comes to professing their love for each other. On top of that, the dialogue between them is awkward. It doesn't sound like things people would say in real life. Actually, this whole chapter sort of sounds like a dream someone would have.


What you need to work on:
- Sensory Descriptions
- Character Development
- Emotions
- Showing and not telling


Sorry for sounding a bit rude or blunt >< I like to give honest reviews, but I try to send them out in the most professional way possible. I hope you find my review helpful and use it to your advantage.

-Shina

Thanks for an awesome review

Hey, it's me again! I just wanted to tell you that I have read another chapter and it's great. The biggest thing that needs work is how much you tell/show. I found myself wondering whether you just rushed through this without showing anyone anything. It's great otherwise, though. Just work on your show/telling. PM me when you finish the next chapter. Can't wait!

Thanks and I will

Hey Rascal, Stella here as requested!

I. NITPICKS

had crust still set in the corners of their eyes, their blonde hair hovered above their dazzling blue eyes, and sleep didn’t leave neither of them well.

You repeat eyes unnecessarily.

“Yeah, it is. You like her don’t you.”

Question mark at the end.

sitting next Gary on the dock.

You forgot a "to".

some times,”

One word.

II. AND THEN...

Your story has a very "and then" feel about it, it's sort of like a list of events...

Cut and lead. For instance, end one scene and don't say "Four days later", put an asterisk in and then start "Isabella woke on Thursday morning with surprise" or something. Make your transitions smoother.

It's the same in short scenes. Let each event lead to the next, don't make them all separate. Your piece is somewhat lacking in flow... just tweak it a little, make things follow in a better order...

III. FALLING IN LOVE

It's a very quick transgression. Slow it down. Saying "I love you" after just a few days? Really? It's a bit "oo-er..." wouldn't you like to keep some of this stuff and spread it throughout your story, instead of just having everything happen in a few paragraphs?

IV. CHARACTERS

There wasn't a lot of characterisation here, I'd like to see more of who these people really are. Show us how they react to stimuli, little things like how they wake up, how they say certain things, do they have nervous habits? At the moment they're just sort of templates that need filling out...

V. OVERALL

Some tweaking and it'll be really good!

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything,

-Stella.

Thanks i really appriciate your feed back

OK, I'm not going to go through line by line because the only mistakes i found in that area were spelling and to be honest those are just easily fixed typos.
The thing you need to focus on is the story line. DO you know where this is going because if not now is when you need to figure it out. Obviously he's got the girl but its awfully early for him to be happy (you don't tend to get happy main characters in romantic fiction).
I agree with Stella its very quick. Would you ever ask someone out and then fly to california with them the next day, it's like wow calm down. An idea would be to give them a little longer before he has to go, a few days at home blissfully happy without the necessity of sleeping together or package holidays to california. Obviously just a suggestion but how you have it at the moment is slightly unrealistic.
Apart from that it is really good. If you'd held off any longer with them not getting together the build up would have been worthless, so good cal on that. Nice description, I'm starting to really be able to picture the characters. I love the whole dock outside the house and the whole destiny story line is really kicking off. Two happy couples (you know they can't stay happy forever?:( ).

I think thats all I've got for this chapter, please carry on writing it.


Miriam.

This is a free review-Do not give points in return!!!

Yes i know where it's going ahah. I have written the whole story and i'm now going through it to fix it up. thank you for your input

Ugh, Oo. You didn't edit this post. How do I know if I won't just be restating what has already been said? Will post your review tomorrow.

With out waking up Gary, Isabella got up early that morning to meet Jay at the real estate office. Should be one word. And, brought down a space as it is two different views. NOTE: I will not bring down every line that has to be brought down. I would, but it is really late right now, and it would take forever.

When Gary woke up the house was silent. He took a shower, got dressed, and went downstairs. By the time he got downstairs Kevin was arriving up the steps, awake from slumber.

“So, I guess today is your last day here.” Gary sat next to Kevin. No wonder they were brothers, That information is not need at all. both had crust still set in the corners of their eyes, their blonde hair hovered above their dazzling blue eyes, and sleep didn’t leave neither of them well.

If they are sleep deprived, their eyes would not be 'dazzling' they would be blood shot.



“Yeah, it is. You like her don’t you.” Kevin smiled as he remembered the way Gary looked at Isabella, the way he touched her so softly as if not to break her.



“What?” Gary questioned, startled by this random question, his eyes sparked up in curiosity.



“You like Belle, and I don’t mean as a friend,” Kevin mocked.



“No.” Gary got red in the face.



“Oh, don’t lie. I see the way you look at her. I know what you’re thinking.” Kevin laughed at Gary.



“So, I may like her, but she’s nothing more then a friend.” Gary couldn’t believe he admitted it to someone, especially his brother.



“Well, why don’t you change that?” Kevin asked.

Gary left the room with out saying another word, because he didn‘t have the answer. He went out to the dock to think. While he was out at the dock he didn’t notice the time flying by. Soon Isabella had gotten home and was sitting next Gary on the dock.

“So, how’d your house hunting go?” Gary asked, rubbing his eyes.

“It went good and bad. I found the perfect house, but I just can’t afford it.” Isabella looked down at the water.

Gary took this chance, “ Belle, can I ask you some thing?”

It's one word, not two.

His heart was racing and his palms were sticking together. He couldn’t form any sentence that sounded remotely stable. He cleared his throat as fog set in his head.

“Anything cowboy,” Isabella said, curious as to what Gary was going to say.

“Belle, you’ve been my friend forever, but lately I have been having these strong feelings for you. Belle, I really like you, so would you stay with me and not buy a new house?” Gary asked as his hands started to shake.

“I’m glad I’m not the only one.” she took Gary’s hands and smiled, “ Yes, I would love to stay here.”

“Really?” Gary asked in shock, he just couldn’t believe it.

His blue saucers grew in size as his one hundred watt smile formed a crest on his face. His ocean blue eyes shone bright, and his face lit up.

You're describing the same thing twice. Deja Vu.

“Yes, Gary, I have been waiting for you to come around. When you came in to comfort me after Jay had gave Or, if you want to keep "had" you can replace "gave" with "given" me such bad news, I got goose bumps all over. That comma is not exactly needed, but I feel it makes everything flow better by being there. You be the judge. The way you made me feel is… indescribable. It scared me because you are so hard to read. I never know what your thinking or feeling.” Gary pulled her closer to him.

She fell into him, enjoying the warmth of his body that was twice her size.

Brought down a line, and how sweet.

“Wow, well, now you do know how I’m feeling.” they both leaned in for a kiss.

Wow, that is awkward before their first kiss. But, *Shrugs*

After a few seconds they pulled away from such a the beautiful kiss smiling. Isabella laid her head on Gary’s shoulder and sighed as they watched the sun go down. Why would she sigh?

Creeping behind them, Kevin smiled. He knew his brother couldn’t wait much longer.

That part with Kevin could read better. For example, "Kevin smiled, as he sneaked up on them." Or, something to that effect.

“Hey, Gary, time to go!” Kevin startled them with his booming voice.

Since you said it was a "booming" voice I changed the period into an exclamation mark.



“You want to go with me to drop Kevin off at the airport?” Gary asked her.



I hope she says yes. The long ride back home will be lovely. Just the two of us, together.

“Sure,” Isabella replied as all three of them got in Gary’s truck.

Uh, they were that close to a truck? And she replied as she got in? It's another one of those moments where you have missing details. How did they get to the truck? Where was it? Etc...



At the airport Kevin said his goodbyes and told Gary how he knew Gary would hookup with Isabella sooner or later.



“Well, actually Kevin, I did it. I told Belle how I felt, and guess what? She feels the same way.” Gary’s smile shone bright. Kevin went into the airport laughing.

Doesn’t he know realize I know already? I may be younger than him, but I sure do have more brains.

You used the word "know" twice, so I changed the first one into "realize" it works perfectly.



***

When they got back to Gary’s house Gary had a message from Jay on his phone.

“I’m going to call Jay back it shouldn’t take long.” Gary walked towards Omit the letter in blue. his studio.

What does he want? I know what I want, and it’s got nothing to do with Jay.

Took Belles thoughts down a line.



“Hey, I got your message, what’s up?” Gary replied.

Gary did a lot of nodding and mumbling that he understood.

Reword please. It's very confusing in it's current state.

“Dang, ok. I’ll be ready by Friday.” Gary hung up the phone.

It should be in all caps. As in "OK"

WILL REVIEW THE REST TOMORROW WHEN I GET HOME FROM THEATRE REHEARSALS.

Gary walked into the kitchen and saw Isabella drinking hot chocolate at the counter. She looked gorgeous. His heart pounded against his rib cage, and his knees felt wobbly.



“Hey, Belle.” Gary wrapped his arms around her.



“Hey, cowboy. What did Jay want?” Isabella asked.



Oh my gosh, this feels so good. How I wish his arms would never loosen their grip.



“Well, this Friday we perform on Good Morning America, and then our tour starts the next day. You’ll be ok here alone right? I mean I’m sure you and Destiny will spend a lot of time together,” Gary said as Isabella turned around to face him.



“Of course I’ll be fine. Duh, I dated Jay. I worry about you some times,” Isabella said trying to be playful as she twirled a piece of golden blonde hair in her fingers.



“Well, I say we have four days to do any thing we wanted to.” Gary kissed her neck.



“Hey mister that may be what you want, but I‘m not ready for that. I know it was just a kiss, but you know as well as I do, that it leads to more intimate things.” Isabella backed away, uncomfortable.



“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you fell awkward.” Gary backed off.



“Well, I didn’t say we couldn’t go cuddle on the couch.” Isabella took Gary’s hand and slowly walked over to the couch. She smiled letting him know it was ok.



* Joe Don and Destiny’s point of view*



Destiny had just gotten back from her first real doctor’s appointment. The doctor said everything looked fine and told her that she was about 3 months pregnant.



Joe Don had fallen asleep on the couch when they got home. So Destiny listened to the voice mails on their answering machine. There was one from his mom telling him how happy she was and to call her back. Then the second one was from Rascal Flatts tour manager saying Joe Don was to be ready late Thursday night after Good Morning America their tour started the next day in New Jersey. Destiny had forgotten all about their 6 month tour.



Destiny didn’t want to worry about it, so she laid down beside Joe Don and fell asleep. When she woke up she was alone. Destiny got up and went straight to the bathroom. Joe Don heard her and waited outside the bathroom door.



When she got out he asked, “How you feeling baby?”



“This morning sickness is a real killer.” Destiny went to the kitchen to get a bottle of water of the fridge.



“Aw, I’m sorry honey.” Joe Don smiled.



“What are you so happy about?” Destiny asked looking at Joe Don like he was a nut.



“I’m just happy. This is my baby too, right?” Joe Don asked trying not to laugh.

Destiny laughed out loud and flicked some water on him.



*Gary and Isabella’s point of view*



The next day Isabella had gotten on her laptop to see where Gary and herself could spend four days, just the two of them. Gary woke up with out her in his arms. Hopeful that yesterday wasn’t just a dream, he walked down the stairs picking the sleep dust out of the corners of his eyes.



“Morning sunshine, I have two tickets to go down to California for a couple of days and I want to take you with me before you go back out on the road. So we can get away for a bit.” Isabella smiled trying to get Gary excited.



“Sounds like fun. So why the get away?” Gary asked, still in full sleeping mode.



“For me and you to have fun before you leave on Friday.” Isabella put her hand on his knee as he sat beside her.



“Alright.” Gary smiled, she knew she could get him to give in.



She was so excited her heart leaped out of her chest. Just Gary and her alone for a whole week.



She ran upstairs and took out their suitcases. They were planned to fly the next morning, so that night Gary and Isabella cuddled in bed. She kissed him as he scooted closer to her. Her heart fluttered in and out. Was she really ready for this?



“Hum Belle.” Gary gave her another kiss.



Ready or not I need this. My body is urging to touch him again. All over. I just need a taste. Just a small taste. Oh how I want him now.



She ran her hands under the back of his shirt. He tensed up at the touch of her hands. His heart raced and his head was beaded with sweat. Gary trickled his fingers through her, now, long golden hair. She shivered at his touch. Isabella took Gary’s belt buckle and unsnapped it. He couldn’t believe she was ready, so fast. She pulled his belt through the loops and tossed it on to the floor. Gary unbuttoned Isabella’s shirt and slowly rolled it off her arms. Isabella knew this is want she wanted so why was her heart racing and her mind screaming no? She kissed Gary’s bare chest as he threw off his shirt, and they dove under the covers. Isabella threw herself on top of Gary and kissed him deeply.



I don’t care what’s morally right by God. I can’t wait until I get married to show this man how much I love him.



“Oh, Gary,” Isabella whispered low in his ear.



Gary flipped her over and kissed her from her belly button to her delicious lips.



***



The morning after, Gary woke up and thought everything had only been a dream. When he saw her sleeping peacefully next to him he knew that it was all too real. Isabella’s alarm clock went off; she slapped at it with her eyes closed until she hit the snooze button and it turned off. Isabella laid her head on Gary’s chest and opened her eyes then hazily closed them again.



“Come on sleeping beauty, you have to get up.” Gary kissed her forehead.



After he got her to get up and they got ready, Gary put their bags in the truck, and off they went. Isabella had called the guy’s private pilot to fly their personal jet that day. Once on the plane Isabella was excited for Gary to see the cabin by the beach she had rented for them. After the long plane ride, they got out and stretched their legs to get ready for another long car ride to the beach.



On the beach the waves were crashing along the smooth shore line, and seagulls were everywhere. Isabella lead him up the wooden steps of their cabin. It was stunning on the outside. Painted white and ocean blue, it made Isabella feel comfortable and happy.



“So, do you like it?” she asked, after they unpacked and took a little peek around the cabin.



“Yes I do,” Gary replied as they went outside on the beach.



She is so thoughtful and caring; I love her so much.



They held each others hand as they walked along the beach, where the water would come up by their feet and then quickly disappear. Isabella found a perfect spot along the beach where they could take a seat and watch the sun go down.



Gary wrapped his strong arms around her, and rested his head on her shoulder. Isabella was so comfortable she hadn’t noticed how dark it had gotten, but Gary did. He got up and stretched his long lean body upward. Gary smiled as he went to tickle her. Isabella jumped up, and they chased each other back to the cabin.



Gary plopped down on the couch and Isabella soon followed him with a big bowl of ice cream.



“Aw, none for me?” Gary asked giving off his best puppy dog eyes.



Isabella pulled out two spoons, smiling and gave one to Gary, then put one in the bowl of ice cream. She kissed Gary as she sat down on the couch.



“Belle, I… I love you,” Gary said not knowing if she would respond the way he wanted her too.



Oh my God, what if she doesn’t say it back? Was it too early to say? Even though, I know my feelings will always be the same.



“Gary… I think I love you too.” Belle smiled, shaking with nervousness; the moment had suddenly gotten awkward and serious.



Gary threw his arm around both of her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. Isabella began to grow tired, so she got up and tugged on Gary’s hand like a child.



“Aw, are you tired?” Gary chuckled.



He got up and followed her to the bedroom. As they laid down Isabella fell fast asleep, but Gary laid awake, unable to sleep.



As he began to unravel he couldn’t believe he told Isabella he loved her. The nerves in his stomach made him feel nauseous. He went to the bathroom and heaved everything up from his stomach but nothing would come up but air and nausea.



***



When she found him in the bathroom, the next morning, he was asleep on the floor leaning against the bathtub.

Hey! It's Pink!

Sorry, I told you I was going to review this a while ago and I seemed to have forgotten about it but I decided that I'd sit here and finish all the chapters today. I hope. Let's see how it goes.

So for this chapter, I like the progression that is going on between Gary and Isabella. They seem to have this ability to kick it off without looking like they totally need each other which is nice because it's still the beginning. Your writing is great, I can the slow improvements that you make chapter by chapter. I did notice a few things here though. Some of you description is a bit boring and bland, it's there and it shows what he needs to show but it's very general. Try using some different words or something to give it some variation so it doesn't seem so...plain, I guess.

Maybe it was just me but I thought it was weird how Isabella was already thinking about marrying him, you know? she just got out of a relationship so it was kind of odd that she'd already jump into another relationship with Gary and then even go to the extent of thinking about marriage. Maybe you could go easy on that part a little, like just spending life with him.

Anyway, I thought the make-out scene thing (haha) was done with taste. It wasn't very awkward or anything and it was easy and stopped when it needed to. I've seen lots of people abuse these scenes it stinks but you did it quite well. Good job. ^^

-Pink