Young Writers Society

The cutthroat walked steadily beneath his dark hood. The gun that he gripped concealed by his cloak made him feel confident. Never had it failed him before and its caress against his skin comforted him. He knew he didn't need it but it certainly made his job easier.
His prey seemed to have quickened his pace slightly. Had he been noticed?
No matter. It would make no difference in the end. Mintrow, son of Caulin had been born in Vileri. It was here, too, that he would meet his end.
He watched as a heavily muscled man drew himself to full height directly in front of the son of Caulin. Good, this would make his job easier. Some might have been intimidated by the masses of people huddled together in the flat dock, but the cutthroat was a showman. People were his forte. The people of Vileri were a cowardly bunch. Nobody would be fool enough to start up with him and if anyone was, the cutthroat would dispose of him too.
His wry smirk was invisible beneath his hood. A distance away, the son of Caulin stood with an indignant look over his hard face. The cutthroat eyed his prey hungrily before he advanced. This big fellow who held the son of Caulin up would certainly help matters.
With little ado the cutthroat advanced. He was careful to keep within the vague shadow of the big fellow. Moving this person aside to reach the son of Caulin would be remarkably similar to moving a rock; a task at which the cutthroat was rather adept. At the thought of the analogy, the cutthroat rammed his shoulder into the back of the only obstacle between him and Caulin's son: the big man.
The site of the lump of muscle skidding across the dock's floor was shocking even for the cutthroat, but his professionalism would not allow him to fumble. His eyes flickered to his target. He raised his pistol, pointed it at the son of Caulin and fired. He turned around and started to walk away. A dull thud was followed by a high pitched shriek. The shriek of a woman.
The cutthroat froze midstep. Had he missed his shot? Impossible. His target's eyes had followed the stumbling oaf. There was no way that Caulin's son could have seen the shot coming. And there was certainly no chance that his own aim had been anything less than perfect. Logically, some external force must have come into play. It was certainly luck on Caulin's son's part. Whether he had jumped out of the way of his own accord or this woman had obstructed the path of the bullet, the fact that Caulin's son was alive was not due to his own resourcefulness.
The cutthroat swore violently. The rush of people scattering for cover obstructed his view of the spot where Caulin's son had been a moment before. He shoved his way through the crowd, ignoring the protesting of the graying old woman and the gesticulating fists of the balding man.
He cursed again. More viciously this time. His target had slipped away, and his gunshot had ensured that Caulin's son knew he was being hunted.
Out of the corner of his eye, the cutthroat saw a flicker of movement. He turned. Perhaps luck wasn't completely against him after all. Weaving his way through the thousands of people was his target. Caulin's son might have escaped the first showdown, but he would not be as lucky the second time around. The cutthroat began to track his prey's progress, shoving his way through the crowd to make a path for himself. Completely focused on the job at hand, the cutthroat was oblivious to all else.
Slowly, the cutthroat found himself closing the distance between himself and the son of Caulin. The salty smell of the sea sharpened his senses. He felt confident.
After about five minutes, the cutthroat's expertly carved path had brought him to within twenty meters of his prey. He raised his gun for the second time. There would be no mistakes this time. He lined its barrel up with his target's head. Mintrow, son of Caulin would die once and for all.

Nareen tossed the throwing-knife through the air. It buried itself in the cutthroat's skull. A sickening trail of red blood oozed onto the pavement as he fell in seeming slow-motion to his death.

Hey Yodaer!

I'm glad to see the next part up - it seems ages since I read the last part.

So. I'll try my best to give you the ego-crushing review that you hinted at

The cutthroat walked steadily beneath his dark hood. - I know what you're trying to get at with this sentence - he's walking with his hood up - but worded as it is at the moment, it sounds as though he's actually walking beneath his hood. I'd suggest re-wording it. I can't think of an example, though - I'm sure you'll think of something

The gun that he gripped concealed by his cloak made him feel confident. - Okay, so this may just be my opinion, but I think this sentence would read a little easier if it were re-worded a touch, or broken up with commas.
Either; 'The gun that he gripped, concealed by his cloak, made him feel confident.'
Or
'The gun that he gripped beneath his cloak, made him feel confident.' - A rubbish example, I know

Mintrow, son of Caulin had been born in Vileri. - I think you need a comma after 'Caulin'

look over his hard - Again, this may just be my personal preference, but I think 'on' would sound better than 'over'

With little ado the cutthroat advanced. - I'm not sure if you should add a comma after 'ado'

He turned around and started to walk away. - As the Cutthroat thinks that he's shot Mintrow here, I'd maybe add in how he lets a satisfied smirk appear on his lips, before he walks away. Only a suggestion though =]

He shoved his way through the crowd, ignoring the protesting of the graying old woman and the gesticulating fists of the balding man. - I like the imagery of the people here =] It helps add to the setting.

Mintrow, son of Caulin would die once and for all. - Comma after 'Caulin'

Mintrow, son of Caulin would die once and for all.

Nareen tossed the throwing-knife through the air. It buried itself in the cutthroat's skull. A sickening trail of red blood oozed onto the pavement as he fell in seeming slow-motion to his death. - I don't have a clue what you could do to change it, but I just think that the transition between these two sentences is too sharp I do like the ending though

Overall;

So I hope I've been successful in giving you a worthwhile review!

I love where this story is going and I can't wait to read the next part

Can you please PM me again when you post the next part?

xDudettex

Hi Yoda!

He knew he didn't need it but it certainly made his job easier.

You contradict yourself later on by having him use the gun. Because right now, it seems like he doesn't need it for this mission, but apparently he does.

Nobody would be fool enough to start up with him and if anyone was, the cutthroat would dispose of him too.

"Him" feels a bit out of place. Even though it's not 100% grammatically correct, I'd replace "him" with "them"

And I just realized that "him" is a slight bit of characterization of the world. How only a man would stand up to the cutthroat. I still find this sentence worded a bit strange. I think it's because just a few words before, "him" was used to talk about the cutthroat.

His wry smirk was invisible beneath his hood.

This mention, that the smirk was covered by the hood and not the shadow or a scarf, makes me think the cutthroat can't see where he's going.

The site of the lump of muscle skidding across the dock's floor was shocking even for the cutthroat,

~ "Sight" instead of "site"

~ I do not know what this sentence is describing in past parts. I have dug up chapter 2, part 2, and do not find any mention of "a lump of muscle skidding across the dock's floor." Make it clearer what you're talking about, please. ^_^

His eyes flickered to his target. He raised his pistol, pointed it at the son of Caulin and fired. He turned around and started to walk away.

All three of these sentences are the same structure. It can get repetitive.

There was no way that Caulin's son could have seen the shot coming. And there was certainly no chance that his own aim had been anything less than perfect. Logically, some external force must have come into play. It was certainly luck on Caulin's son's part. Whether he had jumped out of the way of his own accord or this woman had obstructed the path of the bullet, the fact that Caulin's son was alive was not due to his own resourcefulness.

"Caulin's son" is repetitive in this paragraph. It's getting repetitive in the whole thing, actually, but here is where things start to get really repetitive. I'd interchange with "Mintrow" a bit so things don't get so similar. (Strangely, formal titles get repetitive faster than names...)

ignoring the protesting of the graying old woman and the gesticulating fists of the balding man.

~ "The" is a bit repetitive here.

~ Not sure how much I like those people being described individually. I think there would be more punch if he described groups of people he was passing instead of individual ones. (Although, as per usual, something you have done creates characterization. By having him describe people individually, it gives us more into what the cutthroat sees)

*

Characters: Interesting choice in using the cutthroat's viewpoint here. I find we get into his head a bit more than last time, but it seems a bit forced here with some of the wordings. Like you're trying to hard to have us see things from a cutthroat's perspective.

Organization: It threw me a little to find out that this is a retelling of the scene. It seems to stop the momentum of the story short. Do we really need a scene telling things from the cutthroat's perspective, or can we have a bit of forward movement with maybe Nareen as the PoV character?

Description: It seems you have found the way of making minimal description work. However, in some places, the description contradicts each other. Like when he doesn't describe the man between him and Mintrow at all when he notes the angry man and woman after he's fired the shot. It doesn't really add up.

Overall: You're getting back into the style I enjoyed so much in Chapter two, but it was the organization that got me in this chapter, as I mentioned before. I'm not even sure what you were trying to do by having a part in the cutthroat's viewpoint.

In short, I found something a bit strange with this part, but I'm having a hard time putting my finger on it. I think it's the forced viewpoint and the slight repetitiveness of the names.

Questions? PM me.

~Rosey

Nice. I really liked this. But never was it mentioned why the cutthroat wants Caullin's son dead, but I suppose that's for dramatic effect and to keep the readers wondering. ^_^

Once again, I find that flaws are difficult to spot in your writing. This one reads smoothly and flowed wonderfully. But I still feel that you are holding yourself back. I think you should take some more risks. Also, the plotline confuses me a bit, due to the perspective switches.

Yes, this critique is short as well, but I honestly don't know what else to say. I'm sad to say I'm not as good a reviewer as you. You give me such great critiques, and I apologize for my inability to return that favor.

Dream.