Writing. Sometimes, it's a battle to get those words onto the paper... literally.
Characters:
Narrator
The Author
The Muse
Writer's Block
Main Character
Edward Cullen
Stephenie Meyer
Setting:
The Author's house
Narrator: *in a dry, monologue voice* And here we see the writer in her natural habitat.
*An author sits alone in her bedroom, frantically scribbling a story*
Author: *mutters* Yes! Yes! And then she says... *giggles* Oh, I can't wait to show everyone YWS this story! *continues writing*
Narrator: Ah, yes, the beauty of a writer at work. The peaceful writing bliss never lasts long, however…
*Suddenly, the doorbell rings*
Author: *snaps* Go away! I'm busy!
*Doorbell rings several more times, playing the Jaws theme song*
Author: All right, all right! I'm coming! *reluctantly tears herself away from the story and stalks to the door*
*Author flings open the door*
*A hooded finger stands there, looking menacing*
Author: *impatiently* What the heck do you want? I'm kind of busy right now.
Figure: *in a soft, threatening voice* Don't you recognize me, little girl?
Author: Nope. *looks longingly over her shoulder to the room where her story waits for her*
Figure: I'm your worst nightmare. Mwahahaha!
Author: *gasp* Not Michael Jackson!
Figure: What? No, you fool! I am - *lightning flashes dramatically in the background and fries the neighbor's cat* - Writer's Block!
Author: *screams* Get away from me! *slams door and sprints back to her story*
Writer's Block: *materializes in front of her, laughing maniacally* You can't escape me! I will destroy your puny story!
Author: *throws herself in front of story* No! You can't! I have to finish this story! I have to!
Writer's Block: *sighs* I didn't want to have to do this, but... *pulls out poster of Robert Pattinson*
Author: *screams and covers her eyes* No! Too... much... hair... gel... *collapses*
Writer's Block: *scans the story* Hmm. This one actually had some promise. Too bad I'm going to have to erase all your ideas and plot plans. *pulls out giant pink eraser* Now hold still. This won't hurt... me.
*At that very moment, the author's Muse bursts into the room*
Muse: STOP!
Writer's Block: *exasperated* Oh, for God's sake, what now?
Muse: *gallantly* Don’t worry, my aspiring little writer! I'll defend you from the dreaded Writer's Block!
*Muse pulls out a giant pen, while Writer's Block brandishes a sword. The two begin an epic swordfight*
*After a few minutes, the Muse appears to be losing*
Writer's Block: *backs Muse into a corner* Haha, I've got you - *cell phone rings*
Muse: *impatient sigh*
Writer's Block: *adopts a whiny, childish voice as he speaks into phone* What, Mom? Yes, I clipped Grandma's toenails. What do you mean, one's embedded in the wall? That's not my - oh, you found those. *lowers voice* I just got excited and had a... spill. *appalled* No, Mom, not that kind of spill!
*Muse clears her throat pointedly*
Writer's Block: Look, Mom, I have to go. Uh-huh, yeah, love you too. Bye! *hangs up and instantly looking menacing again* Now, where were we?
*Muse and Writer's Block continue battling*
*Author crawls to her story and tries to write, but the words just won't come*
*Slowly, Writer's Block pushes Muse back towards the wall*
Writer's Block: Prepare to meet your doom!
Muse: Never! *chucks corndog at Writer's Block's head*
*Long silence*
Writer's Block: *in a sassy, teenage girl voice* Oh, no you didn't. *snaps fingers in a Z formation*
Muse: That's right. I went there. *slashes at Writer's Block's throat. He deflects the pen just in time* Ooh, little author! I just had an idea that will improve your story!
*A girl suddenly appears in the middle of the room, holding a toothbrush in one hand*
Author: Who the heck is that?
Muse: A new main character for your story! *smacks Writer's Block in the shin with her pen*
*The Main Character drops her toothbrush and tries to run*
*Author pounces on her and tries to drag her towards the story*
Main Character: *kicking and flailing* No! I won't go in your story! I won't! *bites Author*
Author: Ow! You little -
*Stephenie Meyer appears*
Stephenie Meyer: Oh, no! A defenseless girl! I must send my ridiculously overprotective vampire to defend her before she breaks a nail! *kicks Edward Cullen towards Author and disappears again*
Edward Cullen: *squints at Author, obviously confused* Bella? Is that you, my Belly-welly-shelly-kenelly-kins?
Author: What? No way, you sparkling freak!
Edward Cullen: *tries to look macho and fails miserably* No fear! I'll save you, Bella!
*Edward attempts to speed run to Author's aid, but since I can't afford special effects for this script he just looks really, really stupid*
Author: *panting* You... are going... into this... story! *pushes the protesting main character towards the story and watches while she is sucked into the paper*
*Writer's Block shrinks a little*
Muse: *triumphantly* Yes! One improvement down! What else do you need, girl?
*Author scans her story, sidestepping away from Edward Cullen, who has been blinded by his own bushy eyebrows and is now wandering in circles*
Author: *to Muse* A better plot! This story is too boring!
Muse: *nimbly dodging Writer Block's swinging sword* One fantastic plot coming right up! *snaps her fingers*
*A small box labeled PLOT appears on the floor*
Writer's Block: Think fast! *flings a Girl Scout at Muse, then pounces on the plot box* Haha, you'll never fix your pathetic little story! *frantically starts to erase box*
Author: No! *stabs Writer's Block with a pencil*
Writer's Block: Um... was that supposed to hurt?
Author: *looks crestfallen* Darn. I really thought that would work.
*Muse snaps her fingers again, and a unicorn appears*
*The unicorn knocks Writer's Block off the plot box and then promptly begins eating the Author's wallpaper*
Author: Out of my way. *pushes Edward Cullen out of the way and seizes the box* Hehe, mine! *tosses the plot box onto the paper, where it is sucked into the story*
Writer's Block: NO! *shrinks again*
*The story begins to glow with awesomeness*
Muse: Ready to surrender, scum?
Writer's Block: *snarls* Never! *lunges at her with the eraser*
*The battle continues, but Writer's Block is half the Muse's size and she obviously has the advantage now*
Muse: Here, Author, catch! *sneezes, and a banana falls out of the sky and lands in Author's hands*
Author: *eagerly* Is this for the story?
Muse: No, silly, it's for this. *grabs banana and smacks Writer's Block with it*
Writer's Block: AH! Banana in the eye! *drops sword and eraser and clutches his eye*
Muse: *to Author* Quick, take this! *holds out her pen*
Author: Why? So I can stab Writer's Block in the other eye?
Muse: *patiently* No, to finish the story, darling.
Author: Oh. *looks disappointed* Okay. *scrawls a few more lines with the giant pen, then straightens up, smiling triumphantly* There! I'm done! The story is officially finished!
*The story is so filled with awesomeness that it glows like a miniature sun*
Writer's Block: NOOOOOOO!!!! *shrinks to pocket size*
Muse: *dusts off hands* Okay, my job's done here. *scoops up Writer's Block and herds the unicorn out of the room*
*Author follows them to the door*
Muse: You have that essay to write next week, right?
Author: *rolls eyes* Unfortunately.
Muse: *beams* See you then! *starts to walk down the driveway*
Author: Wait! What about him? *points to Edward Cullen, who is still wandering around her room, blinded by his own eyebrows*
Muse: Oh, here. *pulls out gun and shoots Edward*
*Twilight haters converge on the Muse. Cheering, they lift her onto their shoulders and parade down the street*
Stephenie Meyer: *appears in front of Author* Darn. Now I'm going to have to create more shallow, clichéd characters to populate my poorly written books!
*Author slams the door in Meyer's face*
Stephenie Meyer: No! Wait! Where are you going?
Author: To post my story on YWS, of course! And after all that, someone had better review it!
Narrator: And all is well in the life of the writer. Until the next time she tries to write, that is…
) 
<- me from laughing
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