Young Writers Society

The desert lay calm, chilling under the moons angelic glow.
Calm resonated around the grassy plain
Then the sky went dark.
Animals around tensed, in a sudden fear.
Calm disappeared, as a shudder came near.

A new glow came, with a boom noise.
Lightning sparks rained, and thunder jeered.
At the rare site, many ran, under rock, into holes any shelter near.
Strobe lights of lighting flash above
Thunder right behind each one
The dry storm ended, in a flash, as a new light emerged in the grass

Fire snacked through the desert grass
Panicked creatures ran left and right.
Many stood frozen by the site
Deaths towered over the life
The little critters would never again encounter such a night

The next morn the fire had stopped
The fear of the night still rose
Animals quivered, shook, and
The calm of the night would never again come
Not after such the frightening site

Yola, Blot!

The desert lay calm, chilling under the moons angelic glow.

Are you sure it should be "moons"? In this case, it really should be "moon's".

Calm resonated around the grassy plain
Then the sky went dark.
Animals around tensed, in a sudden fear.
Calm disappeared, as a shudder came near.

You seem to speak of calmness as being a person/ noun rather than a feeling/ verb. Not sure if this is good or not yet.

Lightning sparks rained, and thunder jeered.

Lightning sparks? xD I think you meant lightning strikes. Lightning has no sparks when it comes from the sky

At the rare site, many ran, under rock, into holes any shelter near.

There should be a comma after "holes". Also, I think this line is a little... well, long xD
It sort of sticks out like a sore thumb . I would try deleting a little bit of it. Just a little, not enough to hurt the poem. Just trim the fat.

The dry storm ended, in a flash, as a new light emerged in the grass

I think this line is also a little sore- thumbish. Try deleting "in the grass". Also, get rid of your first comma. Try that on for size!

Fire snacked through the desert grass

I love how you associated food with flame. Absolutely. Love. It. <3

The little critters would never again encounter such a night

I would change "would" to"will". Also, this line doesn't seem to be essential to the story/ poem, really. I would consider changing it seriously or disposing of it.

The next morn the fire had stopped

Please add the "ing" to the "morn". Please. Really.

Not after such the frightening site

"Site" should be "sight". It seemed this was the only stanza you tried to rhyme... please try to keep your poem balanced!

So! Mostly nit- picks, but when are my reviews not nit- picks?

Awesome poem! You had all my favorite elements in it; every element existing!

Write on!

~April

The desert lay calm, chilling under the moons angelic glow. “moon’s”
Calm resonated around the grassy plainsemi-colon, period, or dash
Then the sky went dark.
Animals around tensed, in a sudden fear. Take out ‘a’. Sounds awkward, and it also messes up the rhythm
Calm disappeared, as a shudder came near. Something about “a shudder came near” doesn’t sound right. What is the shudder? The storm? I would maybe change it to something more like “and the world shuddered” or “the earth shuddered” or something to differentiate between the possibility that you could mean the animals are shuddering. If it was the animals, then this phrasing would really be strange. Just make sure it’s clear what you’re referring to with the shudder.

A new glow came, with a boom noise. “A boom noise.” I’m afraid this sounds a little… juvenile? It sounds like something a little kid would say, like “an owie” and things like that. Even if you made a very small change, like going from “boom” to “booming” it would help.
Lightning sparks rained, and thunder jeered. Good descriptions. I’d take out the comma, myself.
At the rare site, many ran, under rock, into holes any shelter near. “At the rare site” seems completely unnecessary to me.
There should be punctuation before “any shelter near”, however I think that phrase is also unnecessary. Instead I might add other possible shelters.
Strobe lights of lighting flash above I’m not sure whether you’re using the word ‘strobe’ correctly… but I didn’t look it up, so I’m probably wrong. You could look it up to make to make sure, but you don’t have to.
Thunder right behind each one
The dry storm ended, in a flash, as a new light emerged in the grass “the dry storm ended”. That makes it sound like it wasn’t raining, and now it is, but instead you start talking about the fire. So I don’t really know what you mean by “dry storm”.

Fire snacked through the desert grass I like this line; very distinctive and descriptive. You need punctuation at the end though.
Panicked creatures ran left and right. Your descriptions of the animals keeps contrasting with your description of the storm. When you’re describing the storm this poem sounds more… intense, more deep, and serious. When you bring in flighty animals scattering around, to be honest it reminds of Bambi. So, I don’t know if you were going for a lighter poem or not, but if not, something about the description of the animals needs to change, I think, if you leave them in at all.
Many stood frozen by the site Need punctuation.
Deaths towered over the life Good line, needs punctuation.
The little critters would never again encounter such a night Again, the way you describe the animals contrasts with the danger, the urgency, etc. “little critters” especially.

The next morn the fire had stopped I’d go ahead and say “morning”. And rather than stopped, I’d use a more descriptive word. When you just say “stopped” it gives the impression of something halting right in it’s tracks, which fire doesn’t do. Say instead “died down” maybe.
The fear of the night still rose “Still rose” somehow doesn’t sound right. Maybe “was still rising”.
Animals quivered, shook, and
The calm of the night would never again come “The calm of the night” almost makes it sound like you’re talking about the last night… which you are, before the fire. But I think you should say something to that effect. Maybe take out “the”; make it just “the calm of night”. Because you’re speaking of night in general, yes? And again, you need punctuation
Not after such the frightening site “Sight” not “site.” And again, you need punctuation. You especially need it here, considering it’s the very last line in your poem.


I kept running into problems with you using the past tense. Somehow, it just doesn’t sound right. I don’t know if there’s a particular reason that you had for choosing to right it that way, but I would strongly suggest changing it to the present tense.

Altogether, though, I liked this. Just work on what I mentioned, particularly with the animals. I just couldn’t get past that contrast between them and your description of the storm.

_Nam