Addix songs Part 3

Alright, so this requires some explanation.
The 'novel' I'm writing is about a band called Addix. They are working on making their CD and what not. I wrote a series of songs as 'their songs' cause I'm a freak and when I wrote about them writing songs and what not I actually wanted there to be some legit songs.
I just want to know if they are any good.
I don't really consider myself to be much of a songwriter so any feedback/tips would be much appreciated!
This thread is for the in-between songs on their 'CD'. I'm going to post all of them on this first post. (I only do this because I don't want to make 12 different posts on this board.) The ballads and most upbeat songs will each be on different threads so look for them too!
The number indicates the order I wrote them in.
Some have been deleted because I no longer like them and they're not a part of my 'novel'
Thanks
_____________________________________________________________
#4. The Truth
You always told me
That I was your perfect girl
You gave me your word and I trusted
It never crossed my mind
That I ever should doubt you
You were my perfect
But now I’m not as sure

Chorus:
Show me now
I can’t take anymore
You’re caught in your lie
And you can’t get out
I need a change
You’re no good for me
Nothing you say
Can make it up

I gave you a chance
And you shot it down
I don’t know what I’m supposed to say
Was it all just one big lie?
Or did you actually care?
I don’t know how I’m supposed to trust you
What happened to your word?

Chorus

The truth is all I ever wanted
And now I’m not as sure
Please tell me why were here
Just tell me what you need to say
I can’t bear to think
That you’re lying to me now
Just say it to me
Please say it

Chorus

-Piano-

All I as for is the truth

What’s so hard about the truth?

Chorus


#11. Red Fish, Blue Fish
I’m done
I quit
No more
You can’t tell me
Anything, cause
I don’t believe
You

We didn’t work
You say
But I say different
You stopped trying
And you stopped, caring
About making
Me feel
Alright

Chorus:
This is the story
Red fish
Blue fish
We’re different
We can’t be one
It’s too hard -
Yellow fish
Green fish
Big fish, small
We’re just not
Compatible
We can’t be one

I’m so sick of trying
And pretending to care
Telling myself
That you might
Actually be there

If you listened
For once
Instead of
Inflating your head
Because
You’re rich
And you drive
A nice car
You get what you want
When you want it

We’re opposites
We’re not
Compatible
You’re in a
Different world
Than me

If I’m
The red fish
You are the blue
We’re not the same
We can’t get along

It’s not worth it
And I can’t do it
Rainbow fish said
That she believed
We just had to try
But we gave up
Too fast
I’m sorry
I quit
You’re not worth it

Rainbow fish
Told the
Red and the blue fish
That it’s not that hard
To just get along
But the red and
The blue fish
Thought this
Was too hard
And not worth trying
It’s not worth trying

Chorus

-Piano-
-Guitar-

Then the red fish
Said hey lets try
And the blue fish
Said no
He had already
Moved on
Yellow fish
Come on

Red fish
Didn’t get it
Blue and red
Are from
Two different worlds
But the blue
And the yellow
Fish
Seem to have
No troubles

They’re not
The same
They’re as different
As red and blue
But blue wants
To try with yellow

Rainbow fish
Said that
It would be possible
And we should just
All get along

Can’t you see the
Injustice
It’s so crazy
Unfair
He couldn’t bear
To make it work
With me
But with her
It’s as easy as
Breathing

Chorus

-Guitar-
-Bass-
-Drum-

Screw that blue fish
For not loving
Red fish
When red fish
Would have
Tried, if he had

And yellow fish
Hardly lifted
A finger
To get the
Blue fish
To love her

And red fish
Tried
And nothing
Worked
Cause the blue fish
Had something
Else in mind

Chorus

I’m done
I quit
No more
You can’t tell me
Anything, cause
I don’t believe
You

Hey, last one. Same idea, different lyric set.


#4. The Truth

I gave you a chance
And you shot it down
I don’t know what I’m supposed to say
Was it all just one big lie?
Or did you actually care?
I don’t know how I’m supposed to trust you
What happened to your word?

Okay, something about this particular verse unsettles me because it doesn’t sound like music. It sounds like nothing more than spoken word. That wouldn’t be bad if there was some echoing in the background and it was consistent with the theme of the song, but this isn’t and I think the verse needs some changing up.

#6. Metaphors

I love these lyrics. The idea is so cute, unique and well executed. There’s a wordiness to it that I like, almost like Skye Sweetnam’s [url]Hypocrite[/url] (wonders if she linked you to that song once before today) which shares this same sort of tongue twister feeling.

#11. Red Fish, Blue Fish

The idea is good, the imagery is good, but the execution is choppy at best. All of these lines are so short that it creates a very Waltzed Rhythm (I have dibs on the coining of that term if it hasn’t been coined already.) that doesn’t work with the theme or even with the genre of music. By Waltzed Rhythm, I mean that it reminds me of the waltz step. 1-2-3, 1-2-3, short, quick and repeated. That’s what you did hear. Lots of repetition and plenty of short sentences. Not to mention, well, I’m not so sure I like this one that well…I’m not sure…but maybe, for the story…scrap it.



Now, I know you said you would give me points but my services are totally free…and I give out cookies too. *hands a cookie* Besides, I enjoy reviewing.

Thanks again! I really appreciate the time you put into this. I'll take everything you said into consideration

*Steals cookie and eats it before it can disappear* Geez! You have 6000 points! *Ogles*

-Carly

Right, I am a lyricist lol
I love writing lyrics
and If you aren't a lyricist you should do that aswell, they are great for starters. To be honest, not the best I have seen, but for a first time brilliant, I can see you going far.
Also, I do not think it is stupid!


emily
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