This story has gay characters, so don't read this if you aren't okay with that. Harsh critiques are welcome along with your thoughts on my characters
The bell rang. Students started to fill the hall and I pushed through them to the art room.
“Teddy bear!”
“Oh gosh, not-” My sentence was cut short as I felt arms wrap around me and press me against an annoyingly familiar chest.
“Hey Teddy bear.”
“Hey Zack.” A crowd began to form as I suppressed a groan, and Zack noticed. He and I had been buds ever since last year, which almost scared me. Because, he was, well he was-
“Nothing to watch here,” he announced, “Just two gay men talking in the hall.”
Well… He was gay. “Wait, what do you mean 'two gay men'? I'm straight, you know that.”
“But you won’t always be,” he whispered in my ear. Yes I will, I have to be, will not be gay. Without saying a word, I struggled out of his hug and walked into the art classroom. Granted, I wasn’t escaping him in the first place when I went to my last class of the day. But it was impossible to avoid him when he sat right next to me.
My teacher, Mrs. Epstein, came in dressed in her usual kooky outfit. Today it was overalls with paint splattered on them over a bright yellow shirt with what seemed to be squares of checkered picnic fabric sewn on. The left pant leg was rolled up to her knee to reveal a striped sock which she had decided to match with a yellow pair of flip flops. Her hair was put up into a messy bun, pieces going in every which direction, and her glasses were almost falling off her face. “Alright guys,” she said, “Today we’re going to start our emotions project.” Throughout the room, there was a sea of groans. “Stop whining you guys, I think you may actually like this one.” She waited until people stopped talking before continuing, “I want everyone in this classroom to paint me a picture that shows an emotion.” From the corner of my eye, I saw Connor raise his hand. “No, Connor, I do not want you to draw a smiley face.” As he lowered his hand, people laughed. “That is the exact thing about this assignment. I want you to show an emotion without drawing someone who has a smile on their face.” She looked at Connor as she said this, which made more people snicker. “I want you to use other things. Symbolism. Everything you can think of. I want you to make me guess what your emotion is.” I was surprised that the assignment was normal. She had given us many crazy assignments in the past, and this one was perhaps the most normal one yet. Maybe the principal was threatening to fire her. I wouldn’t be surprised.
She handed paper to our tables, which were in groups of two. “I think you two will love this one,” she said as she handed both of us some pieces of paper to plan our paintings out on. I wasn’t sure what she meant. Did she think Zack and I were…were…dating? No, I thought, I’m straight. He may not be, but I am straight. And will always be. I gave Zack a questioning look, “What was that about?” He shrugged his shoulders.
“Not sure. It’s Mrs. Epstein, man. She doesn’t need explaining. She just is.” He stopped talking to me as we both worked. When the bell rang and we packed up, I still had a blank sheet of paper.
My brother, Jason, arrived home a good thirty minutes after me. He was a freshman at my high school. He worked out with his friends at the rec center not too far away, and then their moms would bring them home. “Hey Ted,” he said. After he was sure that Mom wasn’t in the house, he continued, “I got so many numbers from a lot of hot chicks today,but only a few were Christian.”
“Don’t rub it in,” I said. I knew he was good with the girls and all, but really…
“Oh, yeah. I forgot.” I hadn’t gotten a date with a girl since I was a sophomore, which was two years ago.
“Sure,” I said sarcastically. Jason gave me a pleading look.
“Go ahead,” I sighed. I tuned out the rest of his one-sided conversation about how all the girls were amazingly hot, as in volcano hot. Of course, he didn’t tell me any of the girl’s names. Figures that he wouldn’t remember that sort of thing. Just then, Mom walked in, and Jason quickly stopped talking. My brother and I tended to censor our talk around Mom. She was extremely religious, and didn’t like him talking about girls the way he did. Disrespectful, she called it. Jason was really religious too, but that doesn’t stop him from talking like that. I guess Dad was religious as well, but he didn’t care how we talked about girls.
I was the black sheep out. Yeah, I attend church every Sunday, but most of that is Mom’s doing, meaning she dragged me out the door. Not that she noticed that I had been trying to make excuses since seventh grade.
The next day it was Saturday. How I loved Saturdays. There wasn’t any church, and since I always procrastinated, there wasn’t really any homework. Normally, I slept in, but the phone woke me up. “Hello?” I answered groggily.
“May I speak to Ted?”
“Yes, this is he…who is this?”
“Hey Teddy bear, it’s Zack!”
“Hey,” I said, wondering why he was calling.
“How’s your emotions painting going?”
I laughed nervously.
“Terrible, isn’t it?” he guessed.
“I haven’t even started.” Another nervous laugh escaped me. Gosh, I was going to fail art. Why did I even take art? I couldn’t even draw that well.
“Want to come hiking with me? We can draw the landscape when we reach the top. It might get your creative juices flowing, you know, to help you with your painting.”
“Sounds okay to me, I guess.” As long as he didn’t pull a gay move on me, that was.
“Have you had breakfast?” I was going to lie and say yes, but my stomach growled loudly.
“No.”
“How about we go to breakfast first?”
“I-I’d rather not,” I replied, ignoring my protesting stomach.
“I’ll pay,” he tempted.
“That’s not fair,” I said, “You know I have to start saving up for college.”
“Is that a yes?” he asked, though I was sure he already knew the answer.
“Yeah.”
“Then I’ll be there at ten.” I looked at the clock. It was 9:30. I was going to have to hurry.
“Okay. Bye.”
“See you soon.” I hung up and went downstairs. Jason was already eating breakfast when I walked in.
“Where’s Mom?”
“Not sure. Why are you in such a hurry?”
“I’m going somewhere with a friend.” I grabbed a couple energy bars from the cabinet for snacks and threw them into a backpack.
“Where are you going?” Mom asked as she entered the kitchen.
“Me and a friend are going to go get some breakfast and then go hiking. We are going to draw the landscape when we reach the top.”
“Bring your cell phone.” Most parents probably didn’t have to remind their kids to turn on their cell phone and bring it with them, but I’d never really gotten the hang of that. I’d missed so many calls from my parents, friends, and girlfriends. Well, I hadn’t gone out with a girl in two years, but it still counted. I threw random things in my backpack for the next twenty minutes: oil pastels, pencils, erasers, my notebook, and other things. When I finished getting dressed, the doorbell rang. I grabbed my backpack and left.
The weather was nice, the sun was up and there wasn’t a breeze. We sat outside at a local place that served breakfast and coffee. If Zack dressed the same way at school as he did that morning, he would have had more girls lined up to date him than my brother. Wait, why was I even noticing that? I was straight! Straight! I should not have been noticing how a guy dressed and how good he looked and… I stopped myself right there and slapped my arm. Zack gave me an odd look, which I admit I probably deserved. “What was that for?”
“Nothing.” Well, nothing except my uncontrollable thoughts. I bit into my breakfast burrito. “So, where are we climbing?”
“I was thinking the Rock.” The Rock was a mild hike, and then a free climb. It was relatively easy because there were lots of handholds. Even if it weren’t, the view from the top was worth it. Since the Rock overlooked the town, it was a really good spot to see the mountains without a house or something in the way.
“Alright,” I replied. After we finished eating, we started off on the hike. On the way up, he pulled out his camera and took pictures of the scenery. That was one of the reasons I liked this hike; it was really beautiful, and there wasn’t anyone from town who usually went there. It was rare that anyone from school came here. They always spent their time at the movie theater, coffee shop, or somewhere equally as popular. Here, it was peaceful.
When we reached the top, we put our stuff down and took in the scenery before us. I had forgotten how much I loved this place. It had been such a long time since I had been there. Zack and I piled our pencils, oil pastels, and charcoal. I started to draw a church- one of the few buildings that were easily recognizable from the Rock, as it was also on a hill. I tried to capture the serenity of it when the light hit the windows, while still showing the creepiness of the dead trees behind it. I couldn’t see the trees, though- which might have been the problem- but I knew that they were there. Frustrated, I erased a tree for the fifth time. They weren’t working; there was just something wrong with them.
“Need some help, Teddy bear?” I wanted to tell Zack how he shouldn’t call me that, because people were going to think that I was gay, but I needed his help badly. He was a really good artist, and my drawing needed help.
“Yeah,” I replied. Zack came close behind me. I could feel his breath on my neck, his hard chest against my back. I imagined whirling around and slipping my hand under his- Damn it, I was gay! I mean…straight. I was straight! Straight, straight, straight, straight!
“What are you having trouble with?” he asked.
“The trees,” I said, “I can’t seem to get them right.” Zack pulled out his camera and showed me a picture of a tree he had taken on the way up. He rested his head on my shoulder with one arm holding the camera and the other supporting it, so his hands were wrapped around me. I was hoping I could have avoided this.
“Your trees are too perfect,” he said.
“What?”
“They’re too perfect,” he explained, “No tree has an even number of twigs or perfectly straight branches and trunks.” He released the camera with one hand, and put the other over mine. My heart picked up its pace a little. No, there was no way that it should be doing that. I did not like him. I hoped he couldn’t feel my blood pounding as he carefully guided my hand and drew the tree with a gnarled trunk and branches with twists in them.
“Thanks,” I replied. This was my clue to him to get his hands off of me. Instead, he rested his head fully on my shoulder.
“Zack,” I sighed as a breeze picked up and goose bumps appeared on my skin. “Please don’t. We have to go home soon.”
“You’re cold,” he replied, but didn’t budge.
“Am not,” I argued as breeze picked up.
“You have goose bumps,” he reasoned.
“So let’s go home then.”
“Sure, just put on a jacket. Then we’ll go.”
“I don’t have a jacket…” I said, and Zack tossed his at me.
“Then wear mine.” After I put it on, I realized that it smelled like sandalwood with soap and...I stoppped my thoughts short, but I couldn't help myself, I took a deep breath and smiled.
When I got into the car, I handed Zack his sweater. “Hey, how about you come over to my house?”
“Uh, I don’t think that’s such-
“You owe me for paying for breakfast,” he reminded me. “You can stay over, and we can feed you dinner and breakfast, and then we can go to the Rock again.”
“Sure,” I replied, though I was afraid of what could happen. God...I don't like the looks of this.
That night, he decided to sleep on the floor and give me the bed. I was relieved; there was no possible way that anything could happen if I was on a separate bed. Or so I thought. I didn’t know how it happened. I truly didn’t know. I was sleeping on the bed, which I guess was pretty low, and I did move around a lot in my sleep, but I didn’t know how I managed to fall on the floor without waking up immediately. When I did wake up, I felt Zack against me. One of his arms was around my waist as if I was a teddy bear-which I wasn’t, despite the nickname- and his hand had crawled up the shirt I was borrowing from him. Which smelled really good, not that I was paying attention. Zack’s head rested on my shoulder. Gosh, I hoped he didn’t drool or anything.
It was odd. There was a small part of me that wanted to slap him. That wanted to wake him up tell him never to do what he was doing again. The other part of me argued that I was the one who ended up on the floor, not him. The feeling of being next to him almost felt comforting, safe. I almost liked the feel of his cold hands under my shirt.
I slapped myself so hard that it gave me goose bumps. He didn’t even stir. Gosh, he was a heavy sleeper. I was tired, really tired. I blame my sleepiness as to why I didn’t move, because I was not gay. I couldn’t be.
In the morning, I wasn’t being held hostage anymore. Next to me, Zack was asleep on his back, and his shirt had ridden up and revealed muscle that I had never noticed before. Compared to him, I felt like a shrimp. I didn’t go to the bathroom to change, not that I really knew where it was anyways. I was about to put on my shirt when I was attacked from behind. By this, I meant I was hugged unwillingly. I let out a startled yelp and turned around. My shirt dropped from my hands and I hastily bent down to pick it up. Quickly, I put it on, failing to notice that it was backwards and inside out.
“You’re funny in the morning,” he said.
Zack’s parents were both already at work, and he was the only child. We were the only ones in the house. He led me into the empty kitchen. “You can have anything you want for breakfast.”
“I-I’d rather not. This is your house. What do you want?”
“You” he responded, making me laugh nervously.
“I meant for breakfast.”
“I’d still rather have you.” God, I wouldn’t have mind if lightning had struck me right then.
“So, cereal?” I started searching the cabinets.
“We don’t have any.” I looked into the cabinet I had just opened and raised one eyebrow. Inside were numerous boxes of cereal.
“Really?”
“You’re not allowed to eat cereal.”
“What? Why?”
“You’re too special. I love you too much.” He had barely even finished the sentence when he closed the cabinet door and pushed me against it.
And then kissed me.
Damn it. Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit. God, please make someone murder me. Now. It was only a small peck on the cheek, thankfully, and he didn’t continue.
“What was that for?” I demanded.
“Well, after last night…” His voice trailed off.
“What are you talking about?”
“You got out of bed and fell asleep right next to me. I watched you.” Man, was my brain trying to get me to commit suicide? It was true, I sleep walked, but this type of thing had never happened to me before.It was hard to believe. I had, apparently, sleptwalked into a guy's bed. Not just any guy, either, a gay guy's bed. And worst of all...Zack's bed.
The more we hung out the next few weeks, and the less he did things like that, the more I began to trust him again. After two weeks, I wasn’t afraid of anything happening. The worst he had done was call me embarrassing names. After school Thursday, I got a call from him.
“Teddy bear?”
“I take it this is Zack?” I said bluntly.
“Good guess. Anyways, do you want to come over to my house for dinner?”
“Sure.” I replied with little enthusiasm. Then I remembered how good the breakfast he had cooked me when I had been at his house was. “Actually, yeah, it’d be great.”
When I entered his house I barely had any time to put any of my stuff down before I was shoved in the direction of the kitchen. There was a small table with a stark white cloth, set for four. The only light was coming from the candles in the middle of the table. “The lasagna will be done soon,” Zack surprised me. I hadn’t noticed him come up behind me. We sat there in silence for a few seconds, both of us were mesmerized by the flickering light dancing on the walls from the candles. The phone rang, and we both jumped. He picked it up and talked for a few moments. “Well, I hope you're hungry,” Zack said after he hung up, “Because Mom and Dad just bailed.” While we waited for the lasagna to cook, we talked about school, and mainly Mrs. Epstein. She had recently handed back our emotions paintings. Mine was of a regular man walking down a deserted street. His shadow on the wall, though, wasn’t as normal. Red tears dripped off of the shadow’s face. His foot was chained to a cross, which was making it harder for the shadow to move. I wasn’t really sure how the painting came to be, but I had just decided to paint that day. Mrs. Epstein had asked me what it signified. Not sure what it really meant myself, her told her that “It was personal.”
When the lasagna was done, we decided not to sit at the table. Instead, I sat on the island in the kitchen and he leaned against the counter across from me. We were both done eating when he walked closer to the island and said, “You have something on your face.” I realized that I had a bit of the sauce next to my mouth. I moved to get off of the island to get a napkin. Zack being, well, Zack, grabbed my wrist and moved me back towards the island. He leaned in and licked the sauce off. Licked it!! Then, before I could get away- well, if I could have, I was so shocked that I couldn’t move- he kissed me. This time it wasn’t any simple peck on the cheek. No, this was a real kiss. All I could do was stand there in shock for several seconds. And I thought this would be a simple dinner.
“No.” That was the first thing I said. “I-I can’t do this. I’m straight. I can’t like another guy. It-it’s just not right.”
“Well,” Zack said, “You were straight. I don’t think you will be for much longer, if you haven’t changed.” With that, he kissed me again.
He continued this. My hand was forced into one of his, while the other roamed the inside of my shirt, and his tongue had slipped into my mouth. What scared me was that, with each kiss, each hug, I didn’t mind it as much. By the end, I was the one kissing him.
God…please forgive me. I tried.
~
Jason had just gotten home when I started to head out. "Ted, we gotta talk," I heard him say. In his hand was a folded piece of paper.
"Sorry," I yelled back, "I'll talk with you later."
Later, Zack and I were on top of the Rock. We often ended up going there to escape any odd looks. Jason didn’t know about me yet, about Zack and I. I knew that Jason wanted to speak to me, but I didn't think it would be important enough for him to follow me, and yet I heard him calling my name. “Wait here,” I whispered to Zack. He nodded as I left the comfort of his arms and climbed down to meet my brother. “What?” He leaned up against a rock and pulled the same piece of paper that he had had earlier that day, out of his pocket.
“Mrs. Epstein said that she saw this next to your desk and she figured it was meant for you, said that I should give it to you.” In my mind, I sighed a sigh of relief. It was just something I had left in Mrs. Epstein’s room. Nothing more. He still didn’t know, but then why had he followed me to show me a picture? When I unfolded the picture and looked at it, I wasn’t relieved at all. In water color there was a picture of Zack and I. I was in his arms, and he was looking happily down at me. In the background, there was the backdrop of what could be seen from the top of the Rock. My hand started to shake as I looked at him. “Is it true?” he asked. “She said you and that kid,” he pointed to Zack in the picture, “were dating. Is it true?”
“Y-yes.” It almost came out as a whisper, “We are.”
“You can’t.” Jason looked at me, straight in the eye. “You can't date him. It's...It's just not normal, not right. I'm sure Zack's a good guy, though he is gay, but you can't date him. The Bible says that it's not supposed to be that way.We are supposed to date girls. You could break up with him now. I won't tell Mom and Dad, and I'm sure God will forgive you.”
It took me almost a minute to tell it to him. “No.”
“What?” The rage that he felt was portrayed clearly on his face. “What do you mean ‘no’? Why? Why do you not want to be a child of God, free of sin? God created Adam and Eve. Not Adam and Steve.”
“Because,” I said. “I like lasagna.” I paused for a moment and thought about it. “No… because I love lasagna.”
“What does his cooking have to do with any thing?”
“It’s not his cooking,” I said. Jason looked at me, confused, but I refused to explain more. That was just between Zack and I.
“Fine,” he huffed, “If you want to be a sinner then go ahead. I’m giving you till Monday to tell Mom and Dad and then break up with him.”
“Alright,” I replied as I watched him sulk as he walked away, but I knew I wouldn’t.
“So,” Zack replied. I still didn’t get how he managed to get down so quietly. “Do you really love lasagna?” A grin stretched across his face from ear to ear.
“Yes.” His face got closer to mine, and I knew what was coming, but this time, I wasn’t going to pull away.
~
“Teddy bear!” It was Monday afternoon, and I was off to art. I stopped. Zack pulled me backwards and gave me a brief hug. “So, have you told your parents yet?” People began to stop and watch us, or slow down as they walked by.
“No, but I don’t care right now. I’ve got you. They’ll be mad. They’ll be furious, but I don’t care right now.”
“Oh.”
This was beginning to bother me. “Alright guys, there’s nothing to see here,” I announced to the passerby’s, “just two gay guys talking.” Zack smiled at me and kissed me on the cheek. Well, it was two gay guys just talking. God, thanks for giving me Zack.
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